Well time is drawing nigh to our ninth wedding anniversary and I see no hope for WS to be home for it. I'm sending her a card confirming what she means to me and that I want things to work out between us. I did get to talk with her tonight finally, she mostly talked with our three kids, the younger two 6 & 3 1/2 hardly had the time of day for her, Our 8 yr old basically begged her to come home.(she been gone for 3 weeks now) It was really hard for WS to talk with them, which is probably a good sign. I was only able to ask her what she been up to(in a good way, if thats possible) and how she been doing. Her only question to me was "If I come home to visit, what will your reaction be? Will you try to get people to talk to me to change my mind?" She said that she would call me tomorrow night and she will try to tell me what she has been feeling and what she has been thinking. I really hope to get some answers. My biggest problem is not sounding desperate when I am on the phone with her, I know that pushes her away, but my mind runs wild with thoughts after days w/o talking to her. She tells me I should just make plans as if we are never getting back together again, is that a natural reaction? I thought she said she wanted to come home? Please pray for us if you think about it.<BR>With man this is impossible. But with God all things are possible.<BR> knight?

Yes, i think her reaction is normal. WS like to relieve themselves of the responsibility of hurting the BS, by telling BS to "be tough and move on with life". You are right, you need to relax when talking to your W. You are also right by giving her to God and letting Him do His work in your relationship. I will pray for your conversation tomorrow night. I hope you get some answers. Stay calm. Make sure you communicate your love and desire to make things work. But suprise her a bit and don't try to convince her of anything. Hope this helps a little.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Hello. I know this is a very difficult time for you and your children especially the 8 yr. old. It seems as though all the WS's are using the same blame game on we BS's. I know just the thought of her not being there to celebrate your anniversary has to be very hard for you. My anniversary is just around the corner and I'm hopeing that my H and I can at least begin to reconcile. Take care Knight and I will pray for you and your children. Good Luck.<BR>Cybil

thanks ladies,<BR>I will try to relax when I talk to W tomorrow night and I appreciate your prayers for our conversation. I have written down the things she has said are my faults and the reasons she feels she cannot come home so that I can effectivly communicate to her that I have been listening to her and care about what she says. <BR>Faith1, I'm sorry to hear you've had a bad night I too am praying for you. <BR>Cybil, I do hope and pray your H and you begin to reconcile by your anniversary. <BR>It is amazing that we can know the right things to do but when it comes down to doing it at the right time we struggle or fail, but my prayer is also for God to change me and to make me the man he wants me to be for Him and for my wife and kids.<BR> thanks and God bless,<BR> knight?

Originally posted by Faith1:<BR>Yes, i think her reaction is normal. WS like to relieve themselves of the responsibility of hurting the BS, by telling BS to "be tough and move on with life". <P>Faith this is what my BS spouse is saying to me. I am the WS. Is this a sign that it is over for us and she doesn't want to work on Us and out Marriage???<P>MarkC<BR>

MarkC<P>I don't know what faith1 has to say but my thought is that the person who has not been having there EN's met by the spouse is the one who wants out of the marriage. I'm fairly new here but going through the MB stuff seems to point to you being the one who has to work overtime to fullfill her EN. I don't feel any marriage is over until both H and W say they can't go on. Do you think she may be in and EA or PA? just a question. My prayers are with both of you.<P>knight?

Mark C, I haven't responded yet, because I am not sure how to answer that one - good question. it seems to me that whoever is wanting "out" would say that - whether it be the WS or BS. I believe it is a defense mechanism that people use to avoid admitting hurt and/or guilt, and perhaps it's the "Easy way out" instead of wanting to do some WORK and "fix this problem". Nevertheless (and I've seen your long Waiting post but haven't read it yet sorry!) if you want your marriage to work, you should plan A your wife, go to counseling, and show her how sorry you are, and that you are willing to do anything to repair the marriage. (Have you read Trueheart's posts? He was the WS as well, and has much wisdom to share.) Plan A being, fill her EN's, avoid LB's, learn how to communicate in a style that suits your W, and work on yourself.<P>Hope that sort of answers your question. Basically, NO it does not mean the end of your marriage. It is "defenses" talking - in the same way most WS's talk in fogese. "It's over. I never loved you. I don't want to be married", etc. etc.etc If you love your W and want the marriage to work, do everything you can to save it.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28