My W and I were supposed to take our kids to a B-day party yesterday. I called her the night before and asked if I could take everyone out for breakfast. When I went to pick them up (we are currently separated - at her request), I saw a 500 minute calling card on her nightstand in her bedroom. She supposedly ended contact with OM almost 3 weeks ago. <P>Is it normal for BSs to slip? If so, how long does this go on? The calling card has only used up 25 minutes, but it is driving me nuts. We are supposedly working on reconciling. <P>Yesterday I asked her what was wrong (she was upset with me about something). She told me that she has a lot on her mind. I asked her what, but she says it doesn't concern me.<P>Sometimes I think reconciling is worse emotionally than when the A was in full swing. Does anyone else feel this way?<P>S&C

Is it normal for the BS'S to slip with what?? Also did you ask her if she was contacting the OP. How did you know that that was whom she called??<BR> The road to recovery is going to be long and at times unpleasant. All I can say is stay focused, meet those needs, and pick your battles wisely, you do not want to start a war over something trivial. Read the books, and have the weapons to fight for and save your marriage in your head.<BR> I know in the early stages of reconciliation i took everything wrong. " he is 10 mintues late, he is with her" " He wants to go the movies without me he is with her" That lasted about a month, and emotionally drained me. Then I decided to implament the trust factor, I have to begin to believe in my spouse again, and when I could let myself do that, It was amazing how many of the what if's turned into nothing at all. True recovery means you will have to be able to trust again, and everytime you show that you don't it hurts the WS if they are trying to fix it too. I am not sure how much she wants to fix it with you. I hope I helped a little. I am so sorry for your pain. This was written in support of you, the first paragraph seems harshly put, I meant it all with sincere compassion.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR><B>Is it normal for the BS'S to slip with what?? Also did you ask her if she was contacting the OP. How did you know that that was whom she called??<BR> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Believe me, I'm NO expert, but in Recovery, it seems these are all good questions for you to consider, because aren't you supposed to be implementing the policy of Radical Honesty at this point?<P>If so, what would prevent you from just asking her to whom she has been talking with the Calling card? NOT in a judgmental, or critical way of course (which I would have a hard time doing myself, so I can't criticize you if this is too difficult!) I understand. <P>It's just that Radical Honesty would have prevented MY M from getting to this devastation, and I intend to FULLY restore that element when the time comes, so I wonder why you are not using it now? Just a question, NOT meant as a critism at all, please don't take it as such.<P>Lupolady

Lupolady, <P>It's interesting that you brought that up. I just got back from a counseling session with my W. We went out for lunch afterwards and then talked in them parking lot for an hour and a half after that. I brought that up. We were talking about whether she was "trying" or not. I told her that sometimes I think she is trying, but other times I'm not sure, like when I see a calling card lying around. She told me why she has it (somewhat believable). <P>I am now trying to be honest with her about everything. If something bothers me then I will let her know.<P>s&c