I've been lurking here for a couple of months here so I feel obligated to share my story before I reply to anyone else's thread. <P>My W and I have been married 15 years. My W had an EA in the fall of last year. She may not realize that is what it was but I believe this to be true. There were a lot of emails and I counted over 150 phone calls in 3 months (cell phone). Of course some of the calls were just short messages but the volume of calls speaks for itself. Obviously she was directing emotional energy at OM when it should have been spent on me.<P>I was able to intercept and read all of the emails and from my W's end there were no disparaging remarks about our marriage or innuendos. However, the OM made some rather overt innuendos which went unchallenged by my W. This upset me and then when I found out about the phone calls which were initiated by my W I became really upset and concerned about our marriage. I was assured there was no PA and I believe that 100%. Our schedule during that time would have made it virtually impossible.<P>A couple of W's statements disturbed me though: "I'm glad you found out, I didn't know how to end this." and "I don't know where this was going." The good news is we both realized the danger we were in and have been working very hard to meet each others needs. We both have "fallen in love" again. It's been absolutely wonderful the last 6 months and in a sense this was a good wakeup call for us.<P>Here is an important part of the story I'd like to relate and is the reason I chose my user name NewLife4Me. I have suffered from depression on and off ever since I was a pre-teen (more on than off). I'm almost 40 now so I've been dealing with this for over 25 years. I didn't seek treatment until right before the EA. Unfortunately a lot of ENs went unmet in our marriage because I was simply trying to survive. The depression got worse as I got older. I'm surprised my life and marriage survived this long. To make a long story short I now feel like a "normal" person. I have good days and bad days. But at least I have some good days now! I look to each day with anticipation instead of dread. I have the energy now to invest in my marriage and children. I had the courage to leave a job that was stifling me. I HAVE A NEW LIFE! I sincerely believe I have a physical problem which causes my depression. If someone had diabetes or hypothyroidism they wouldn't think twice about taking medication! Yet people suffer for years needlessly because of depression! I hate to think the toll this disease has taken on my body, my marriage, and my kids. <P>I urge and plead with anyone suffering from depression to GET TREATMENT!!! THERE IS HOPE! Don't be afraid to take medication! It's not perfect but it's 1000% better than depression. For those concerned about long term effects of the meds, I sincerely believe the long term effects of my depression were worse.<P>You know what? I believe I'll always have this condition but I believe it can be managed. I'm not willing to let it control my life any more. I'm doing the responsible thing (not necessarily the most "acceptable" thing) and I'm dealing with it.<P>DON'T LET DEPRESSION DESTROY YOUR LIFE, GET HELP!<BR>

NewLife,<P>I'm so glad to hear you finally got the help you've been needing for so long. I'm also glad you were able to salvage your marriage before it caused its breakdown.<P>My H suffers from depression, and I believe (as so does he...) that he has for many years. Unfortunately, my H is one of those that refuses to get help. It eventually led us to separate...not because I couldn't deal with it, but because he attributed his being unhappy not to the depression, but to the marriage. He tried anti-depressants for only about 6-8 weeks, just enough time to begin to feel better, but not enough to see many results. He reacted quickly to resorting to separation, it was easier to push me away and out of his mind than to deal with it.<P>I have read a lot about depression, and I'm truly happy for you and your wife. Yes, you probably will deal with this for the rest of your life, but just as you said, if it were something like diabetes, than you would have to deal with that forever also.<P>Stay strong and know that you are not alone. I wish you all the best.<P>Kathy

Wow, thanks for this post. I am in plan B but would like to send this to my H. <P>Thanks again, <BR>L.<BR>

fishlady:<P>Tell your H I tried 3 different anti-depressants before I found one that worked well with minimal side effects. There are a lot of choices. Also, sometimes you can lower the dosage and still have good effects but minimize side effects. Everyone is different in their response to medication.<P>I've been depression-free for a year, the longest I've ever gone and still feel great!<P>Orchid:<P>I hope your husband gets help. It may take some effort but it's better than doing nothing.<P>[This message has been edited by NewLife4Me (edited July 30, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by NewLife4Me (edited July 30, 2001).]

Wow- this is just what I needed to see today. I've been taking Zoloft for less than a week now, no positive effects yet, obviously too soon, but have been suffering some mild side-effects. Nothing I can't handle for the time being, and I keep hearing they decrease with time, so I'm hanging in for a while. With a strong family history of depression and many depressed episodes in my own past, I hope this will help. Thanks for the positive reinforcement!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rapunzel:<BR><B>With a strong family history of depression and many depressed episodes in my own past, I hope this will help. Thanks for the positive reinforcement!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I also have a family history of depression which is why I think it's physical in nature. I had a very normal childhood, no tragic life events to speak of yet I felt this way. Being a person of faith, it resulted in a lot of guilt. I hope you find something that works for you. I never tried Zoloft. I'm using Paxil and the difference in the way I was before vs. now is no comparison. My W says she is having to learn to live with a new person (in a good way).<BR>