My H & I have been having trouble for several months and last week he admitted to an EA with OW. He refused counseling, but told me he is willing to work on the marriage. I am so glad to have found this site and have read, and read, and read and have begun to practice Plan A. So far, it seems to be working ok. I know this is a long road, so I'm not expecting miracles overnight.<P>My H is one of those that never remembers birthdays, anniv., 1st dates, etc. I have realized during our long conversations since his admission, that he has forgotten so much of the good times we have shared - the 2 of us and as a family. <P>I had been considering, even before the admission, about leaving him little notes or even a picture every now and them to remind him of our good times (i.e. "can you belive 8 years ago today we found out I was pregnant" or "came across this picture of "K" (our child) at the fair last year, I'm sure she will want to go again this year") Is that a bad thing to do during Plan Aing???? If I mentioned these things in conversation as opposed to a note, would that be ok???<P>I'm also wondering if I should ask him to complete any of the marriage building questionaires during this time???<P>One of his complaints is that we don't do the type of things we used to "when we were good together". I was the one that always planned the weekends away, dinner/movie nights, etc. We haven't done these - without the entire family - in a long time - dinner yes, but not much else. Can I plan those things now, or would that be too pushy? <P>We used to call each other everyday during work days. His job became more and more hectic due to a promotion and so our conversations that used to be "just seeing how your day is going" became purely fuctional - I only call him when I need to ask a question about our child or plans have changed about time of ballgames, etc. I really quit the "just because" calls because he quit them. There are so many times during the day I would love he hear his voice. Is it ok for me to begin to call him again??<P>Those are the things I used to do - the way I have changed is not doing those things any longer, so if I begin to do them now, is that fulfilling Plan A by realizing how I have changed and correcting it????<P>Please give advice !!!<BR>Heartbreak25130

<B>I know this is a long road, so I'm not expecting miracles overnight.</B><P>Good for you!<P>Welcome, and I'm glad you've already started reading! If you haven't looked through this post (link below), you might go there next. I'm stopping by quickly to welcome you - and can come back later and spend a little more time, and others will be along too.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html</A> <P>If you will go to the Just Found Out forum, and look for the Posts with the arrows - they are designed to get you started. The Notable Posts/Threads has a great section on Plan A with lots of good info.<P>SOunds like you are on the right track. if he is willing, yes, ask him to complete the questionnaires with you (that's not an LB if he has told you he's willing to work on the marriage) - maybe just one at a time - don't push (that would be the LB).<P>Anyway, welcome, and I'll stop by later!<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

<BR>In my opinion the key to Plan A is to worry very very little about your spouse and concentrate on you (and your kids). Figure out what it is in your own behavior that has contributed to the weakened marriage relationship and fix those things in yourself. It's up to him to notice and respond. You can't make him do either of those things, and that's an important factor to keep in mind.<P>As well as you can, and in a non Love Busting way, find out what you do that he doesn't like. Stop doing those things consistently. Then find out what he does like, and start doing those things consistently. You'll notice that his behaviors aren't mentioned in any of this... that's because he isn't (well, shouldn't be) the focus of your energy. It's helpful to have his input if he's willing and happy to give it, but his behavior isn't really all that important. I realize that this is counterintuitive to what we all do instinctively, but when you really think about what you have control over, it makes perfect sense. Become the kind of person he would want to be with. It's up to him to make the decision to want to be with you but you can't force that decision.<P>Good luck.<P>--<BR>o2bsane@hotmail.com<BR>