My H has been living with OW for almost 2 months. I'm still not sure wether or not I want another chance to work on our marriage. I'm mostly unsure because I'm afraid that he won't really want to commit to it. Still, I guess I am leaning toward Plan A. I wrote this letter to him last night and I was planning on giving it to him tomorrow before our child support appt. Please, if you would, give me your opinions on it. I guess I'm looking for a little push in the direction I'm afraid to go. Let me add that the song quote is from Keeper of the Stars - our song. Thank you for reading this and for replying.<P>X,<BR>I don't know how important these words will be to you, if at all. Still, I need to say them but telling you face to face would be hard for me and possibly uncomfortable for you.<P>First, I love you. You know that, right? "He sure knew what He was doing when He joined these two hearts." Isn't that how the song goes? Well, God might have known but I sure didn't. I'm so sorry!! I'm sorry for all the times I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry for all the opportunities I let go by to show you how so very important you are & have always been to me. I'm sorry for pushing you away time after time. I'm sorry for changing on you and not being the woman you fell in love with. I'm so sorry for everything and anything I ever did that contributed to our marriage falling apart. If I had the chance to do it differently, I would.<P>My relationship with you is stillthe best thing that ever happened to me. So much good has come because of it. Thank you for having given me your love, your goodness, and the many times I held you in my arms. I miss these and so many other things. I miss you.<P>My regrets and apologies probably come too late but please remember that should you ever need me again, I am here. Wether it remains legal or not, in my heart you are still my husband. <P>I LOVE YOU! These words are as true now as they were the very first time I ever said them to you.<P>Y

(tears) im sorry marraiges fall apart before we even realize it. <P>it is a beautful letter. if it dont hit home now, it will later. i say give it to him.<P>gbu<BR>mercy

MS,<P>I agree with mercy. Anything that honest, heartfelt and filled with love deserves to be shared, with the person it is about. Do not fear sharing those loving feelings with your H. No matter what happens, and I pray for the best, you are genuine and unconditional in your love and that is NEVER a bad thing. Go for it!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.*<P>Trueheart

Mad Season,<BR>Lovely.<P>I'd send it...I did send letters, emails like that. Loving someone is a kind of gift...you just give it and don't worry about how they receive it.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

M.S.<P>This is the most mature and understanding group of words I've seen here EVER!<P>Thank you so very much for sharing this with me (us) I am touched.<P>I can only hope that the commitment and ownership of your part in your relationship can be a revelation to many here.<P>Again thank you so very much.<P>and yes id give it to him.<BR><P>------------------<BR>in loving service<BR>chaz

Mercy, thank you. I hope it does "hit home" yet at the same time I'm afraid that it will. Gee, that makes no sense, does it? <P>Trueheart, sharing my feelings with H is exactly what I'm afraid of. Opening myself up for more heartache is what it feels like. Still, I guess heartache eventually eases and "what if I hadn't given up" is not something I'm sure I want to live with. Thank you.<P>Lor, You're right...loving someone is a gift. Now if I could just stop being afraid of how/if he'll receive it. Thank you for your advice.<P>Chaz, Thank you for your kind words...I'm honored. I hope someday to get to the point where I am qualified to give the kind of advice many here give. Until then, if anything I post helps others even a little bit, I'll count it as a positive in this whole mess of negatives.<P>Thank you all so much for giving me the little push I was looking for. I'll give him the letter tomorrow per your advice. As scared as I am, I think I'll feel better about myself. May God help us all in easing the pain/fear, in restoring hope, in moving forward with love and peace in our hearts.<P>MS <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B> sharing my feelings with H is exactly what I'm afraid of. Opening myself up for more heartache is what it feels like.<P>Now if I could just stop being afraid of how/if he'll receive it.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Mad Season:<BR>I wrote a letter very similar to this to my H about 4 weeks after he left. He has now been gone 10 1/2 weeks. I do not know IF he recieved it, how it was recieved, or what he thought. You can't think about that.... for myself, I can only know for certain that what I wrote him WAS heartfelt and it needed to be said (*I* needed to say it, even if he never read it). It was a "cleansing" for me, in a way, and also a focus for me, to know exactly where I stood in my heart towards my H. I hope this is making some sense?<P>When I was hesitant to send it to him, I think it was Lor (or Lostva?) who told me that she used to write to her H like this while he was "On the Mothership" and she never knew IF it was having any impact or not. She says he never acknowledged them at all, BUT when he came home, HE HAD THEM ALL(!) IN HIS BAG!! Now that's a love story!!! <P>Give it to him!<P>Lupo

Mad Season:<P>I suggest..write, write, write.<BR>If not for him for you. Just getting the noise out of your head & on to paper is very therapeutic. <BR>I started writing to my H the WS & it took awhile, but eventually he caught on & started writing back. It was much more believable in writing..plus I can save his cards & letters to reread or remind him of the "nice" things he wrote.<BR>We're not communicating well now, but I will remind him of the cards & letters by writing him one.<P>Good Luck..<BR>I never heard back from you yesterday..Mad Season ? Matchbox 20 fan ??

Lupo,<P>This letter is pretty much all I've been thinking about since I wrote it. Given the chance, I will hand it to him tomorrow before our child support appt.<P>What you say makes perfect sense and I'm sorry that your H hasn't acknowledged your letter. H is covered under my health ins and I recently sent him the ins card. I enclosed a short note - "Take care of yourself baby. Love, Me" - which he has said nothing about. Whether or not he acknowledges this one, I think I also will feel a sense of "cleansing." <P>My H has always kept every little note, card, letter I've ever given him. I'm hoping he'll keep this one and re-read it now and again.<P>Thanks for your reply. I will look back to these posts if my resolve starts to weaken between now and tomorrow.<P>MS

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by louser:<BR><B>Mad Season:<P>I suggest..write, write, write.<BR>If not for him for you. Just getting the noise out of your head & on to paper is very therapeutic. <P>I never heard back from you yesterday..Mad Season ? Matchbox 20 fan ??</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Louser,<P>First let me start by apologizing for not getting back with you. I will be replying to your post shortly. <P>I used to journal quite a bit about my marriage - a book full that I wish my H would read so he could understand how I have felt for a long time before the A. I also dabble in poetry. It is very therapeutic. I stopped when it would do me the most good. Thanks for the reminder...time to pull out my notebook again.<P>Yes I am a Matchbox 20 fan. I listen to the latest CD quite a bit because I can relate to much of it. I don't know if you like Melissa Etheridge. Her latest - Skin - is another one that I listen to alot. It's her "break-up" CD. I wish I could sit my H down and have him listen to a few songs from both. He'd get an insight to how I'm feeling for sure.<P>MS

Any update Mad?<P>I was clearly touched by your letter and was wondering if you had given it.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by chazbutler:<BR><B>Any update Mad?<P>I was clearly touched by your letter and was wondering if you had given it.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Chaz,<P>Thanks for asking. Yesterday was a good day, I think. On a previous visit, H had asked me if I wanted him to pick me up for CS meeting. I told him that I was just going to walk. As I was heading out the door to do just that, I saw that he was getting out of his truck. I met him halfway to give him the letter. We rode together to meeting. He put the letter in the console. As he was parking, he told me that OW had asked if he and I were going out to lunch after and if he was going to pick me up for the appt. He says he told her that he didn't know what we'd be doing after and that yes, he probably would be picking me up. During the meeting, I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't sit still because of my nerves. H kept putting his hand on my leg to calm me. He asked me over and over if I was ok. We even held hands for a couple minutes. After, he asked if I wanted to go with him to a sporting goods store and then I invited him to lunch - we each knew what the other wanted before we ordered and this at a restaurant we'd never been to before. We laughed about that. We talked a good bit about OW. He has been telling me that she is afraid that he will return to me. He told me yesterday that a few weeks ago he found every card I'd ever given him in one of her notebooks. He said he called her at work and basically let her have it. She supposedly tried to turn it around on him and accused him of snooping thru her things - he was looking for paper to write something on. He took the cards back. I asked him about the note I mentioned in my reply to Lupo. He never got it. OW opened the envelope while he was in other room. He got the ins card only. I did ask him if he was happy with her. He replied, "Sometimes." I asked him if he ever misses me. He said, "Of course. Was that a stupid question? Yes!!" All in all we spent about 3 hrs together, just the 2 of us. When he left, I reminded him about the letter. He is supposed to come over today because it's our D's birthday. I'm anxious to see if he actually shows up and if he'll say anything about the letter. Will let you know if anything is said about it or if his behaviour changes at all. I'm sorry this reply is so long but I really believe that yesterday was a good, positive day for us...had to share!!! I will, of course, let you know if anything comes of the letter, verbal or behavioral. Thanks again.<P>MS

I'm glad you sent the letter - it was good. Just hoping it does the trick :-)<P>hang in there