How many of you still have sexual relations with your W/S? Is w/s want to have sex with B/S? W/S and I do have sexual relations. Im wondering if this is a good thing to do, while trying to do plan A? I enjoy this even knowing W/S has been with O/M. She also seems to enjoy herself as well. We have always been good together in this aspect of our relationship. Any thoughts?

Of course, my H moved out, so I don't have the option, darn it! And I would LOVE to (I miss him ), but, I don't want to until he is tested for STD's. Don't want 'em. Hang on... you'll get lots of opinions to your question...<P>And even if weren't for STD's, I wouldn't want to share my H with anyone - JMHO. ME or her, buddy - one or the other.<P>

Austin,<P>I gotta go with Faith on both of these!!<P>First off the safety issue of the STD's. Do you really want to risk all of the other people that OM has slept with being clean? (If she says it is protected sex, well, all I can say is that she lied about the affair didnt she?)<P>Secondly, as much as I enjoy the art of making love, I am not convinced that with the emotions wrapped up in the A, recovery, etc., I want to continue, knowingly share my W with another person.<P>Just my opinion, but, it ain't worth my heart or my dignity to feed her need to *do* us both!<P>Trueheart

Me and the W haven't sense Jan so that would be a big NO....<BR>I really do miss her but the thought of her and OM just turns my stomach, don't know that I could knowing that the A is still going on. I agree with Faith, worried about the STD's and it's ME or him, not both.<P>Silwl

My H's affair was/is an EA- not yet physical. (He found his "soulmate", so to speak.) I think he believes that having sex with her while still married to me would just be "too" wrong. Isn't it interesting how we all draw our boundaries of "right" and "wrong"? You bet we still have sex. It's the one thing right now that I do and she doesn't. It's not always easy for me to get going, but I'm always happy after. I'd say if she's happy with it and you are too, you should go for it. I'm grabbing any intimacy I can get my hands on, myself.<P>Of course, I don't know how I would feel if his had been a PA, different maybe.<p>[This message has been edited by Rapunzel (edited July 30, 2001).]

Rap, you are right i guess grab any intamacy you can because its far and in between.

My wife is in mid-life crisis, having an unadmitted EA, and moving out this weekend. We've had sex three times in the five months since she told me she wanted to leave, and two of them were miserable. She says she's lost all desire for me, all "connection" - that's her version of "I love you but I'm not in love with you" - so she can't "get going" with me, in rapunzel's words.<P>It is driving me to distraction. I need emotional and physical intimacy with her, I still desire her, but she's in withdrawal from our marriage.

My WH and I continued to have sex during our separation. Now I know that he was with 3 different women during that time, having unprotected sex. We used condoms though. Yet I still had an abnormal pap smear (all seems to be okay now, but i have to have a colposcopy at the end of August.. yuck!).<P>For us, SF is pretty high on our EN lists. Having sex during our separation was actually a great chance for me to plan A, and get some of my own needs met at the same time. He admitted that he wasn't into it emotionally with me, but he was still physically attracted to me.<P>We never made love during that time however. It was just sex. Making love returned again once we were back on the road to recovery. It is so much more rewarding.<P>IMO, because I've done it, if it feels right for you, and you aren't having any regrets after the fact, then do it. It could be an important part to your plan A, like it was for me.<P>Karen<BR>

<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: LonelyAtNight ]</p>

Dab' your post reminded me of on of the lines I got from WS. Im not connected with you anymore. It nor the I love you not in love with you are non-statements , they dont tell you jack. Its like babble. Toppie your point is well taken, WS is not into it emotionally, that takes some of the fun out of it but I still find her physically attractive we both have fun, so tea maybe it is a good plan A item. Its certinally not a LB.

If the sex is good, then go for it. I don't feel close to my wife yet, and I don't consider our intimacy true love-making, but we both have SF high on our EN list, so I am happy to oblige as often as she desires. The truth is, I think it has been a long time since our intimacy could truly be called making love. Long before she had her affair. We let ourselves slip into duldrum and now it seems impossible to get it back.<P>But the actual physical sex is better than it has ever been.

Could it be that sex is better than no sex at all?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Austin:<BR><B>Could it be that sex is better than no sex at all?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.<P>

Dab said... "Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good."<P>This quote gave me a good chuckle tonight. We just happened to have the WORST pizza ever... hoping the sex will make up for it! LOL!<P>