I have a question I would like answered without consideration of my past or what people think about my WF.<P>If your wife had a two night stand in another country, then confessed fully, is sorry but then wants to go to that country for a trip for a valid reason (to see relatives), then would you let her go.<P>It seems to be a major Love Buster to say "No I don't trust you to go because you might repeat your action." My wife in fact said this.<P>So do you just risk it and if it turns out OK then your trust goes way up? Or do you put your foot down and say "In view of what you did, NO!"<P>My wife said she understands the dangers and is not a child that needs to be told about men. She said what she did was bad and is very sorry for what she did. But she said I can't keep dwelling on the past and have to look ahead. Of course that's true. <P>Right now from what I have been reading I seem to be sitting on the fence. Both solutions letting her go or not letting her go seem to be problems. The letting her go solution will get me into less trouble with my wife. The not letting her go may build up a resentment and make me seem like I am a controlling kind of husband. <P>I am not so much looking for an answer to my specific case because people might be biased against my wife but a general principle for similar cases where travel without the spouse is involved.<P><BR>

Roger,<P> By my way of thinking, It's not your decision on "letting" your spouse do anything. The only real control you have is to be such an important part of her life that she would not want to do anything to jeopardize that relationship. <P> How about using the POJA to determine what can be done to ease your fears. Ask her what she thinks could be done to subside your animosity. Maybe since she's going to see relatives that she could always have a chaperone to account for her time.<BR>

Roger, <P>I will certainly try as you have asked. IMHO, a wife on a trip without a mate, I would not go. As a wife, if my H were as concerned, I would do what it takes to make my H happy. More important than any business venture regardless of the monetary benefit. I guess the real questions is, how much is your marriage worth to each of you? If your values are different then there is where the problem may reside. <P>Roger, reality of this may be hard to accept. We all have to ask where is our individual threshold and our honor. Another point is Roger, I have no special dislike for your wive's race, I am an oriental also. I have relatives and many friends of that race. However, what your wife has said is that it is acceptable for persons of her ethnic background to do this. This is not an accurate statement. It doesn't fly well by the rest of us and it would hurt us to much to let her pull the wool over your eyes. Just to say it is disrespectful to you. <P>Please take care. You are showing signs of internal struggle. I had hoped your wife would be willing to put your needs ahead of her desires for this trip. If you can not settle this in your heart then let her know. There is nothing wrong with letting her know how you feel. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P> <P>

What's a "WF?"<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Chris!!!!<P>(((((((Chris))))))))<P>I think it means Wayward Fiance.. :|<P>E m p t y / S t o n e h e n g e<P>Glad to see your here.. <P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rodger:<BR><B>I have a question I would like answered without consideration of my past or what people think about my WF.<P>If your wife had a two night stand in another country, then confessed fully, is sorry but then wants to go to that country for a trip for a valid reason (to see relatives), then would you let her go.<P>It seems to be a major Love Buster to say "No I don't trust you to go because you might repeat your action." My wife in fact said this.<P>So do you just risk it and if it turns out OK then your trust goes way up? Or do you put your foot down and say "In view of what you did, NO!"<P>My wife said she understands the dangers and is not a child that needs to be told about men. She said what she did was bad and is very sorry for what she did. But she said I can't keep dwelling on the past and have to look ahead. Of course that's true. <P>Right now from what I have been reading I seem to be sitting on the fence. Both solutions letting her go or not letting her go seem to be problems. The letting her go solution will get me into less trouble with my wife. The not letting her go may build up a resentment and make me seem like I am a controlling kind of husband. <P>I am not so much looking for an answer to my specific case because people might be biased against my wife but a general principle for similar cases where travel without the spouse is involved.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Roger<P>I am sure you've received many responses. I am sorry that you've suffered this way. Whether or not you would allow her to return to her country knowing her propensity to cheat is something I think you realize that you cannot not prevent forever. She will go because she has family there.<BR>The problem is trust. That's all you have is her word. If you need more than set up a way to talk to her regularly while she is away, foot the long distance bill. Make sure at every turn she cannot be alone with anyone other than her family. Until she gains control over her sexual addiction to whomever she needs to be watched and she needs help with control. Sometime Richard there is nothing one can do if the other person is incline to act out like this.<BR>I wish you well, continue to talk and work this out for the sake of your marriage.