My H moved out July 29, 2001. He rented a house that we can not afford. We just bought a new truck a couple of months ago and he knew then that finances would be tight.<BR>Now we have rent, extra utilies, phone, water, garbage<BR>to pay. H had to pay a $200 deposit for the house. He<BR>also had to pay $150 for water deposit then his electric<BR>and gas. There will be other hook up fees too. H was home tonight when I got home. He already fed the girls.<BR>He said he wanted to talk about the girls schedule & if I <BR>read his note the other night. I said I read it and was<BR>still thinking about it. I told him I'm going to go off<BR>of the girls schedule. They will start kindergarden<BR>in a couple of weeks and that alone will be enough stress on this, I don't want to add anymore. He agreed. I said<BR>I would write something up. He said he would too then we<BR>would discuss later. <P>Then he asked me if he could have two check blanks. I gave it to him. He asked if I had any cash. I had a ten and a five. I gave him the five. He just looked at it so I gave him the ten. He just looked again so I gave him all the<BR>money I had. He left and hardly wanted to say good-bye. I said it to him, he said it back in a sad way.<BR>When he left I saw a piece of paper lying on the floor.<BR>I looked at it and it was a list of things H needs for his<BR>house he rented. The list of course was made out by<BR>OW. I went into town to get a pizza. I had to go past<BR>this bar where "cops" hang out. Here was my H's truck<BR>sitting there. He spending my money I gave him on booze.<BR>I wouldn't be suprised if she wasn't there with him.<BR>H is buying a lot of beer and whiskey. That lead to another financial problem. MONEY DOESN'T GROW OFF TREES...<P>Needs some assistance.<P>LOVE MESS

Stop giving him money!<BR>You need to take care of you and your girls, let him take care of himself.

Wow your H has some nerve! I'm sure he's drinking more now because he's conflicted about what he's doing and has doubts about it deep down. Have you considered filing for a legal separation? This would spell out visitation with your girls and financial stuff so that he doesnt end up spending every last cent on himself and OW. And a separation can be cancelled if you get back together. It's also a smart move to prevent OW from convincing H to file for a quickie divorce to get YOU out of their picture. It would buy you time to let their affair play out without your having to neogitate every little thing with your H. Do ask an attorney about this- their initial consulation is usually free. Your girls and you deserve to be provided for despite his going off the deep end.If he wants to play then HE must pay! Take care- lifeismessy

LoveMess,<P> I completely agree with SheDawg. Stop giving him money. You need to take care of you and the girls. Is he helping you with the expenses for the girls? If I were you I would consult with a lawyer and draw up a seperation agreement as soon as possible. That will give him is visitaion and also will help you with the finances. Let him worry about how he is going to pay his bills. You shouldn't have to worry about yours. <P>Indy

I say see a lawyer as well. He has child support obligations. It's one thing if the separating spouse allows you access to their funds and things go on financially pretty much as it was, it's another if they are taking & spending.<P>Gather up any account info & balances for the date he left--bank, credit cards, savings accounts, IRA, stocks. In the military the spouse receives a percentage of the military spouse's retirement for the years they were married--part of the divorce settlement, cops the same maybe? List out assets & liabilities. Make copies (up to you if you give H one), keep them safe. <P>Let me say, my H was very good about finances during our separations, but I made provisions in case he wasn't. WS do crazy things...some drain bank accounts.<P>I also opened an account solely in my own name with about half of our available balances, so that if he changed where his paycheck was deposited, I could still pay the mortgage/bills for another month. I told him I did this, and the reason. It was a lovebuster, but I don't think legally you should hide money. And I felt safer.<P>Document what you can of his spending. You may never need to use any of this...but the realities of finance sometimes poke a hole in the fantasy with the OW.<P> <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8