In my post yesterday, "Plan B venting," I described the situation where my wife showed up unnanounced Monday morning to pick up my son for camp.<P>When I learned of this, I sent her this message:<BR>**************<BR>Monday July 30, 2001<P>I consider it to be unacceptable for you to come pick up <son> unnanounced. As you reminded me recently, it is also<BR>unacceptable for <son> to pass messages regarding his schedule.<P>Please propose a weekly schedule on a weekly basis. I will consider it but I will not jump through hoops to accomodate your irregular work schedule. <Son> needs predictability and stability.<P><Son> will be with me on Friday, August 3, and Sunday, August 5 thru Aug. 9 for a vacation period. He will also be with me every other weekend; I previously proposed 1st and 3rd.<BR>***************<P>In my other post yesterday, "Riverboat gamblers.....," I described two contentious topics, money and childcare. <P>I received the following message from my wife via e-mail this morning (Tuesday):<BR>*************<BR>Please do not try to be controlling. I recall mentioning to you that I was working over <son's> birthday (the end of the week) so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that after you had him all weekend that I would pick him up on Monday. Furthermore, <au pair> was not home over the weekend to tell her about the plans and because I can't speak to you, who was I supposed to tell? Just like when your computer was down, so is mine at home. I asked <son> to have <au pair> to call me. He didn't and she didn't. I don't need to talk to you about anything but <son>, but it's essential that we talk about things concerning his health, happiness, etc. Please don't be so self-centered and selfish as to refuse to communicate about <son>. Furthermore, it is not up to you to dictate to me about any schedule with <son>. The object is to work together and have as little conflict as possible. I have not been rude to you and I'd appreciate the same courtesy. I have always asked if my request is workable. I will have the proposed schedule to you today through <au pair>. Remember, there might be times that you need me to be flexible, so don't shoot yourself in the foot.<BR> Next, when I did pick <son> up to take him to camp, he came to the car in a pair of your pants which were too short, a horribly wrinked shirt, had not washed or brushed anything, and had not eaten. <Son> was visibly upset because he could not find any clothes and <au pair> didn't know where any were. I talked to <au pair> about it and she said she has a hard time figuring out <son's> clothes from yours. I asked her to have <son> put his clothes in his basket and to wash them separately. Then <son> can put them away so he knows where they are. She also said she can't tell your underwear from his. Maybe you can help her. <Son> needs to find his clothes so he looks presentable. If <au pair> can't handle both your and <son's> laundry, maybe you would consider washing your own clothes. Many times, <son> has dirty clothes and is dirty himself. Between the two of you, I'm sure you can solve these problems.<BR> I gave you an itemized bill and $2000 as payment for whatever because you said I owe you money. I am trying to keep up but I need a monthly itemized bill just as you do. I will provide you one monthly after I receive my bank statement and I will pay <au pair> at the beginning of each month so you don't have that debt.<BR>I will also provide you a copy of my retirement accounts which per our agreement is ? due today and I suppose I will receive the same from you so we can adjust the accounts per the agreement. <BR> The agreement also says that we need to divide our things. Do you have suggestions? I will arrange a mover at the earliest convenience. It might be better while you are away with <son>.<BR> Are you leaving on Sunday or can I take him to early church?<BR><Wife><BR>*************<P>Think she's mad? For the record, she left a voice mail message for <son> at home on Sunday, so she knew how to inform us of her Monday morning plans (her reference to my computer being down is probably really meant to mean a reference to when my voice mail was down at work). <Son> wasn't ready for camp Monday morning because he and Taz didn't know she was coming.<P>Here's my proposed reply:<BR>*****************<BR>We will be leaving Monday, so early church is OK with me.<P>The easiest way to communicate is to leave messages on the answering machine for us at home or on my voice mail at work, as I requested in my letter.<P>Please do not use <au pair> as an intermediary. It is not her job. Please communicate to me as I requested in my letter, via voice mail and e-mail. It is simply too painful for me to do otherwise.<P>The separation agreement specifies that you will pay me for childcare expenses, therefore, please do not pay <au pair> directly.<P>As far as dividing our belongings is concerned, please make a proposal about specific things. Physically moving things cannot be done without my presence.<BR>***************<P>I could make all kinds of statements about her accusations of selfishness, rudeness, "object is to work together and have as little conflict as possible," etc. but apparently her mindset prohibits introspection and promotes hypocrisy. Remember, she has never admitted her affair, continues to lie, has refused counseling, and has generally done nothing to resolve problems between us.<P>It's obvious she's moving rapidly towards filing.<P>Any comments or recommendations on my response stated above?<P>Dave (WAT)
