<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome with links</A><P>I hope all find these links useful!<P>Love to all<BR>Nicole<p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited August 01, 2001).]

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So I guess I'm not ready to quietly bow out just yet.<P> <P>After doing some reading on the GQ2 board last night (after it became available again! LOL ) it became apparent to me that there are many people here who just haven't taken the time to truely digest what Plan A and Plan B really are about. The links in my first post are full of info about "the plans" and are more than worthy of your time to read and comprehend what they mean. Jim (NSR) took the time and <B>KNOWS WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT!!!</B><P>I would like to add a bit here about what my take on "the plans" are and perhaps a bit on what they are not, but first a little bit of background for those who don't know my story!!<P>My husband Arik had an affair with a co-worker, D-day was October 7th 1999 ( the affair was in infancy at this point - mostly emails and steamy phone calls - she lives 1000 miles away ) after telling me about the feelings he had for another woman he went away to a friend's house to sort out his feelings and thoughts. She met him there and they were intmate for the first and only time while there. He came home and we talked about it - he told me about the weekend and about her being there. My world fell apart at that point.<BR>The next day he came home form work and we talked again I told him I would work on our marriage, but only if he ended the affair, he said he would but needed to be "friendly" with OW still as his job required he speak with her daily about work related things. <BR>Almost a month went by - a month of hell where I knew he was still contacting OW on a "non-work" basis but I didn't know what to do about it. That is until I found this site. What a Godsend this site has been!!<BR>I read everything I could here about infidelity - all the articles and info just everything!! I read post after post after post and finally got the courage to post - I think my first post was in prayer requests but I can't really remember for sure. It was here that I learned about Plan A and how to implement it not only in my marraige but in my daily life. <BR>To make a long story short - my H's affair lasted about 7 months past d-day. Had it not been for this site and the people on it I would not have made it that long. I would have lost my sanity I am sure of that. ( I guess that is why Dr. Harley suggests the use of anti-depressants - Plan A is extrememly hard when you are living with a spouse who is continuing their affair under your nose and while you are dealing with them on a daily basis ).<BR>Well that is the short version of my story and now here goes my take on "the plans". <P><B>PLAN A</B><BR>What I like to call (thanks to the Queen of PLan A Lori ) Plan Nicole! Is <B>NOT</B> about winning your spouse back. In fact it has very little to do with your spouse and more than anything to do with YOU. It is a lifestyle that needs to be adopted where you treat all people with love and respect. <BR>Was my Plan A perfect?? Far from it - there were many times when I got a slap on the wrist from my good friends here on the boards when I would LB. And guess who decides what an LB is??? Yes you got it folks, your spouse. <BR>There were many times that I wanted to do things but I decided to take a moment, think and then write my MB friends and ask - "what do you think? should I do this?" - most of the time I would get a "Well dear you can but how would Arik perceive it? Don't you think he would take it as a huge LB?" (Like the time I wrote the letter to the OW - thank goodnesss I never sent it - <I>I mean thank MB friends I never sent it</I> ).<BR>There are some people here who feel Plan A is about faking it to win your spouse back - to that I would say "fake it to make it". In the beginning that is what it was for me. Do you think that Arik would have wanted to come home to a crying pile of mush everyday?? <B>HECK NO</B>!! So I took the advice of my friends here at MB and pulled myself up by my bootstraps and "sucked it up". Yes, there were times when I lost it. Yes, there were times when driving home, I had to pull over to the side of the road and bawl my eyes out. Most nights I didn't sleep, I lost almost 20 lbs (and at 5'0" and hardly overweight 20lbs is alot!!).<BR>Is it fair that the betrayed/faithful spouse has to do so much of the work in the beginning?? Not a chance!! but do we want to be fair or do we want to save our marriage? Do we want to be right or do we want to save our marriage?? <BR>Grin and bare it! Think of the ultimate goal! <P><B>PLAN B</B><BR>My understanding of Plan B is not as complete as Plan A having never had to implement it.<BR>Paln B isn't about showing your spouse what life without you is going to be like (that may be one of the results but that is not what it is about!!!).<BR>It is about preserving the love you have for your spouse so that in the event that reconciliation is posible you will have enough love left to build a foundation for a loving and fulfilling relationship!<BR>I know there is more to Plan B than that - but since I never had to go there I am not an expert or even close to an expert so I will leave any further explainations to my good friends who, unfortunately had to. <P>Well that is it for now.<P>Signing off <P>Love and prayers to all<P>Nicole <p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited August 01, 2001).]

I'm so glad you haven't decided to bow out either. I really appreciate your posts lately, as I'm sure others are too! <BR>

PL:<P>Thanks for the links ... up to the top: I feel this topic is extremely important, and that PL's observations merit it.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

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oh PL,<P>Thank you so much for this post. This is very useful. Your implmentation of plan A and experience is just what we need. Us newer ones read and read but when it is coupled with the experiences and shown how they have been implmented does it really start to sink in.<P>I am forever grateful. Thanks for giving us another chance. <P>L.<BR>

JABU.<P>(Just Another Bump Up).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL