RE: Should WS lifelong friend go? <P>I wrote a letter to my friend telling her how H&I felt she was a bad influence and that she couldn't be trusted by H or I. I tried to tell her as nicely as I could. I wanted to give her an opportunity to explain her feeling and why she gave such destructive advice.<P>My friend came to my place of work yesterday and threw a letter at me and said nothing and walked away. My H read the letter later that night because I was afraid it may be hurtful. The letter turned out to be very hateful and negetive. She insulted me and my H and our marriage together. She denied ever having been involved in my A with the OM. She said she knew nothing of the A until it was over and said she didn't remember the double date she participated in. <BR>I just wanted to let her know how I feel and why we were stopping the friendship for now but did leave the possibility that things could change. I wanted her to know that she did effect our marriage in negotive ways. I knew the letter I sent would hurt her, but I thought she would be more understanding and consider what H & I are going through. Not only did she not understand but she definately wasn't considerate of the condition of our marriage and what we are going through. She bashed our marriage and our whole family. I have now confirmed my feelings that she wasn't a true friend. I feel she burnt the bridge and has only made it easier to drop the friendship.<BR>I just felt those of you who read and or posted on my topic would like to know how it turned out.... you were all correct in that she definately wasn't a friend at all. thanks.S

SEM's W,<P>It is a very sad day when you have someone leave your life that you have thought of a close friend. I am sure she was hurt, but I also think that your assessment and decision to send her the letter was the correct one for several reasons.<P>Not the least of which is that she didn't support your marriage.<P>Hang in there SEM's W, things will get better.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

SEM and W, <P>Your united front means more than losing a *friend* that would just as soon seen you hurt and give up. Her reaction shows her personal motives mean more to her than the friendship did. You guys are now free to build something special and include the kinds of friends you can truly count on to be there and support you!!<P>I know it stings, but we will be your Curad Bandaids for the time being!! <P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.*<P>Trueheart

SEM, I know the pain it feels to lose a good friend. During our first steps at recovery, my H and I made a list of all our " friends" and then purged the list of all the ones that where not supportive of us both. We had to let 2 friends go about thier lives. It hurt, and I will tell you that our friends did not react with malice. In the long run, our marriage is better. My friend loved to trash my Husband, and without that, even I feel better.

Thanks for words of encouragement. I'm still in shock that my so called "best friend" could say such hurtful things about my husband and me. I'm not sure what I should feel. <BR>I am going to a friends wedding in Sept. and my ex-best friend will be there. I know that I can be have, but I'm not sure what she is capable of. My H says not talk to her much less even look at her. Please give me some more of your great advice. S

Give this some time. True friendships have a way of working themselves out. Keep the distance there for now - it is best for your marriage. (Sort of like no contact with OM). She is hurt, and so are you. But this pain will subside, especially as things improve with your marriage. It will be worth it,ok? Like you said, things might can work out later - and by then, you may not want the friendship anymore. Give this some time. Let the space be there between you. If things are meant to work out DOWN THE ROAD, they will, but only with your H's "enthusiastic agreement", in Harley terms.

SEM, I am so sorry for your pain. I too have lost my best friend due to my H's A. Even today, after my H is showing signs of recovery and is going to counseling, she still fills his ear with "you should leave your W" and be with OW.<P>It hurts. Faith is right though, if it is meant to be, then God will help you two be friends once again and put all this behind you.<P><<<<<<<<<<SEM>>>>>>>>><BR>HbH

You don't need friends like that. If they can prove their worth to you, you can choose to let them be your friend. It is hard I know but sometimes it is these tough times to really see who your friends are. <P>What is that saying? A friend in deed is a friend indeed. <P>L.