Yesterday was tough for me. Had lunch with a 'friend' and he said that he heard that my W has said that basically I was a nice guy, but that she got married too young (24) me (29) and she married the wrong person. I feel like she is letting me down easy by coming around and trying to be my friend. Why has she not filed for legal separation? Should I just ask her? I mean she is getting an apt. with a girlfriend, that says she is learning to live without me. I just don't know if I can buy into all this, I need time junk. She says she needs time to fix her and if we went to counseling now it would not help. Come on, that is an excuse. I really feel the only reason we even talk or see each other is b/c of our dog. I just don't feel like she has any love for me left. I'm trying to show love and all I get is nothing. It's like she has no emotional ties to me anymore, none. Do I just tell her that I can't take it anymore or what. I am up everyday at 4:00 am dreaming about this stuff, it consuming my life what's left of it.<BR>Last night I dreamed that she was seeing another man and she filed D papers. No remorse or admission of what she did ever. Will she ever face up to her sin?<BR>GC

Hey I know it's hard we've all been there and some of us are going through the same thing right now. Maybe you're trying to hard. You're in Plan A right? It's also about working on you. Once she she's a stronger you her attitude may change a bit. Are you taking any meds? I was feeling really consumed with my situation as well couldn't eat, sleep didn't want to be at work, things are slowly getting better. They will for you to. Take care of yourself and remember we are here for you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>Cybil

Who knows what people are thinking sometimes. I have heard that the opposite of love is selfishness. It's too bad when someone is unsure of their feelings for another, and they have to go 'out there' and experience a few jerks in the wide world before they can appreciate what they had!!!<P>In the meantime, what do you do, tread water while she figures out why she married you and whether or not she even loves you? Sooo unfair!<P>One good thing you can do if she is willing is to set up a few dates and go over the Emotional Needs questionnaire, there is also a good book on restoring romantic love by Harley. Check it out!!! God sees. He knows. He's working it out. Keep trusting... You're a survivor!

Cybil, this is staring to drive me isane, it's all I think about and the worst part is my W never thinks about it. I'm not on any medication and trying to aviod. Everyday is a struggle, I find myself doing no work, eating none and sleeping none, my only outlet is her emails,. phone calls and visits to get the dog. Other than that I just stay in MB, it's like another world. Can't she just make up her mind? Tell me something, does she want to work it out or not! I feel like I'm starting to lose myself in all of this and I know that is not Plan A.

BtDt, I sent her His Needs Her Needs and she got offended. Told me that I needed to handle my way..books tapes etc. and she will handle it hers. Secular counselor with her best interest in mind nothing about mine. I can't beleive that she will not agree to marriage counseling. Does anybody really believe that people do not change? We all change and can change. She said I wasn't the same person as when we were married so that means I changed right? Well then why does she not believe that I can change again??<BR>This seems hopeless sometimes. GC

{{{{{gdc}}}}}<P>Gosh, I'm really sorry for your pain. If it's any consolation, I think I know how you feel.<P>You are obsessing over your wife, and it's making you sick. It's always harder for the one "left behind." You see that she has gone on with her life, but has left you in the balance of her plans. You are getting mixed messages from her, so of course you're confused! I hear you saying:<P>1. You want your wife.<P>2. If that's not to be, you want closure.<P>3. You want to get out of your "funk."<P>I know you miss her and want her back, but it sounds like your wife has made other plans. That's really tough to swallow. You can't keep going on like you are, pining for her. And you may not get the closure you desire, either. She hasn't filed, and maybe you think that's a positive sign there's hope for a reconciliation? Maybe so. You're sure not going to get her back all mopey and sad and disoriented. You want to buff up, fix up the old homestead, engage in an interesting hobby, maybe travel. The stuff that Plan A is made of, you want to be doing that. That will put you at your tip-top best while pouring cupid's tokens into her love bucket. <P>Get your act together and get busy. You will not stop thinking about her obsessively, but the negative impact upon your psyche will minimize. Get a home exercise machine, go jogging, buy some new clothes. Leave your wife be for a while. Spend a little time recentering yourself emotionally to your changing environment. Make her miss you a little bit. Slowly test the waters when you're ready and see how you're received. If it goes well, you're golden! If she continues with her change of heart, or YOU experience a difference in feelings, won't you be a bit more prepared to face a new world with your new life?<P>I hear there's life after divorce. I'm beginning to appreciate that life can be renewed long before the decree is signed. At least I hope so. I need this faith.<P>Blessings,<BR>Nell

Well, it sounds like there is still a lot of love there and perhaps if the wife can realize that there is nothing "out there" she could be free and clear to work on rebuilding the romance.<P>In any case, read all you can on this website because it will help YOU learn more about yourself!