I need some input . Particularly Female WS's. How long did it take to get the intimacy back with your BS ? I know every situation is different, but what I am trying to find out is what were you thinking ? Did you not want to sleep with your BS ? Did you not want to be intimate with him ? If you didn't , why ? How did your BS help you get over it, or is there anything the BS can do that would help. I am about to have a discussion with my WS about this, and I would like to know what kind of things she might be feeling. I know part of what caused the A, was my fault and I have been working on making me a better person, and, I think my actions, prior to the A, may have led to a sexual aversion on her part, and I'm trying to work that out. I have read the Harley article on this, but it deals more with the person with the aversion. I would like to know what the person who help create the aversion can do. <BR>

Mark -<BR>From my heart, I can try and give some sympathy and support. I hope you get some good answers to your question from WS's, but after you arrive at your answer can you tell me what you've learned.<P>I am the BS too, and I have been going through intense anguish for over a year. My WH (EA denied, he still is clueless it seems), does not want intimacy/SF. The one real time he was looking forward to SF - I blew it with a disrespectful judgment, getting upset, and LBing. I have tried on numerous occasions to set up SF, only to have my wishful plans thwarted.<P>So, I can sympathize with you, and give you comfort for the needs you are not getting. I guess you could say my marriage was neglected for years. He started semi-EA in Feb 2000, heated up around May 2000, full blown in 2000, and d-day happened in various incidents June 9-14. Knowledge is strength, but we are still working on it.<P>It is painful - all I can say is hang in there. I've stopped the disrespectful judgments and angry outbursts. But my pain continues for little intimacy and no SF in my marriage. This is not an uncommon aspect. Continue to work on "yourself", and if WS will tell you what they see wrong, and you can work on it, so much the better. Good luck, I will watch your post, and hang in there. It is about all we can do at times. after shock<BR>