It is difficult to even write this. I found out 2 days ago that my husband of just over a year and my sister who I love very dearly had an affair. I found some very explicit e-mails that she had torn up and put in her suitcase. I am in a state of total disbelief. They are, or so I thought, the two closest people to me in the world. Kicker is that I am a psychologist and should probably have had some idea about this.<P>My sister has been dealing with her own marriage problems, and recently filed for divorce. Throughout this, she has relied very heavily on me and my husband for support. More than I knew. <P>My husband is rightfully mortified with himself and so sorry, etc... I do not know that I have it in me to forgive them.<P>Any advice or insight will be hugely appreciated.

amyz, you poor woman. My heart goes out to you. This is so painful. If I were you, for the moment, don't do anything. Give yourself time to breathe. Find an anchor - whatever it is, find one. It could even be this conference. There's some wonderful people in here who'll help. Breath and let it out.<P>We'll find a way to help you but right now don't push yourself. No decisions.<BR> <BR>Freddy.

Freddy's right. No decisions right now. You should know how conflicted your own mind is right now

(((amyz))) Glad you found us; sorry that you had to. We all feel the pain you are in. We have all been through it on one side or the other. The others are right; don't make any quick decisions. The fact that your H is expressing feelings of remorse is a good thing. Some of us here have yet to see that with our WSs. My prayers go out to you. Read and post whenever you need a hand.<P>Kari

Amyz,<BR>The posts you received are right. No decisions right now, just try to gather your wits about you. <BR>I know the feeling of "I should have seen it"...I'm a Ob/Gyn NP..my SO brought home a few vag infections that I couldn't seem to cure and I still didn't see it. So what you're going through is exactly what I went through..felt like less than a woman, and doubted my professional worth as well. Remember that there is a reason the MD/NP shouldn't treat themselves or family members..we are simply too close to look at situations with the rational and rather detached state of mind we need to be successful with our patients.<BR>Do you have a colleague you feel you could confide in? That was the biggest first step I took...finding a support system...but was so afraid to reveal my shame...I was lucky and found a fellow NP who had been through it also and was able to treat me as the patient. It was kinda nice to be on the receiving end for once.<BR>Read the material on this site..it does help...the Love Bank theory, Emotional Needs, Love busters...they're very elementary and do make sense. The "After An Affair" Book was so helpful to me in the early days.<BR>There are many posters who have used the phone counselling services of the Harleys and have been pleased..maybe this could be a resource for you.<BR>Another book I would recommend is Emily Brown's "Affairs". The Harley books and her book are all available at Borders or online. It helps to read and get some insight into this turmoil...doesn't fix it..you'll do that, but does give you a starting place.<BR>Amyz, it does get better, and you can recover from this..I know, I've been right where you are now and my heart goes out to you. Take some time for yourself, be kind to yourself right now. Come back for support when ever you need..sometimes venting here will help more than all the screaming you feel like doing at home. I'm usually on the Recovery Board but will check over here occasionally.<BR>Take Care,<BR>T<BR>

amyz,<P>you were in my thoughts last night, just wanted you to know.<BR>How are you coping? are you ok? do you feel like giving us a little update?<P>take care,<P>Freddy<BR>

bump

On behalf of everyone, we are so sorry, but we are also here for you. I would listen to the others, sit back, get your thoughts together and read everything you can on here. You may already know some of it but it may help to read again. The first week of what you do is very crucial. If he has shown remorse from the get go, that is a good sign. Many of the WS's on here don't show that side until later if ever so us as BS's are left to pick up the pieces and try and figure things out for ourselves.<P>GC