I'm fuming mad.. !!!<P>Check my updates from the last few days... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011201.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011201.html</A> <P>Three days in a row... I have had less than 5 min of time on the phone with my W. The OM keeps getting on the phone.. trying to listen to our calls.. lies to me when she is there, saying she isn't and leaves the phone off the hook. Three days of him CONTROLLING who and what she is doing.. talking to and God knows what else.<P>I just had to call her and tell her one of our friends was in a car wreck just an hour ago and is at some ER in MN. He sat there on the phone and she couldn't say a word.. <P>His restricting my access to her is pushing my buttons... and I'm gonna blow. This ****er is truly a sick son of a *****. <P>Trying to be the friend that my Plan Husband2you requires... but this is ridiculus. This guy needs a serious can of whoop [censored] unleashed on him. Its one thing to have an affair with my wife... get her pregnant... but its another thing to **** with me. <P>WHAT CAN I DO?! Sorry.. but this is pissing me off. How can you Plan A this??<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

okay.. she just called told me to call her back and that it was okay.. <P>I waited a min and called her back and he answers the telephone. I ask for her and she is very quiet and won't say ANYTHING except for undeciperable whispers. She says to the OM.. please don't... please don't.. and she starts talking about the kids and when she can talk to them.. (I gathered, that right now, wasn't a good time) I told her that I'd have them call after church. I hear the other line pick up.. and he's on the phone.. won't say anything.. I try to keep things easy going and to the minimum.. He started cussing me over the phone and my W told me not to say anything to him. I told her that he wasn't going to like what was going to happen as a result of his behavior. <P>I told her I'd have the boys call at 9:00pm and told her "I love you... Goodbye" He screamed "I LOVE YOU" and some more cuss words..<P>I'm to the point of really hurting this guy... any more **** and that's it. I know that is not the way out.. I need to remove myself somehow.. Call the police.. call a crisis line.. something.. get a restraining order.. WHAT CAN I DO??<P>I really need some help here... PLEASE.<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

I apoligize for the tone.. but I'm stressing out here. I didn't spend half my life in law enforcement to be owned by a situation like this. THIS has got to stop, before one of us gets seriously hurt.<P>I had to check into a hospital and be put on drugs they give to serial killers to control my thoughts of killing him, in 1999. I spent a month there to keep myself OUT of jail. <P>I'm not to that point again.. but if he hurts her or the baby or anyone else for that matter.. I'm going to lose all my facilites again. I see where this is going once again, and its not pretty.<P>There is no marriage counselor out there that can counsel me on this... this is NOT the normal A. This is dangerous. <P>Anyone?? <P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town<p>[This message has been edited by Husband2you (edited August 01, 2001).]

H2U,<P>You know you are going to have to get control of yourself - you can't control him - but you can control YOU. And if you don't do the right thing - MAINLY - Not Hurt Him - you are going to be the one somewhere you don't want to be, and you are not going to be able to help her.<P>You are right !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is not the normal A.<P>And, H2U, controlling her by listening in on the phone is not normal - he is not normal.<P>She's your wife, I don't know ANYTHING about the law, what power do you have about a restraining order - someone out there ought to know. <P>H2U, please, please get a GRIP - don't let those emotions get the best of you. That OM is really LBing big, big time. She should have never let him back in with her.<P>Take a deep breath, calm - I can't think too much to do because I've not been in this situation - I know someone here will think of SOMETHING.<P>Just be calm (I know its hard), but who is more important here??????

one thing that is going to help.. its a 5 hour drive to go whoop his [censored]. <P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

does she have a friend close by that can check in on her? what about her parents? <BR>My guess is that he has abused her emotionally if not physically. Has she considered leaving? <P>My question is how much can you do if she is not able or willing to leave this man? Someone else may have to intervene. Since you mentioned that you were in law enforcement is there any agency that may be able to help her?<P>Glad its such a long drive to where she is <BR>

Think about it - <P> Not what you're going to do.<P>Think about what you are going to do - get it.<P>You don't need any assault & battery charge - Think.

I am.. ... thanks.. Topie is calming me down via icq.. Thanks Karen..<P>Anyhow.. if anyone else has idea.. I'd love to hear them..<P>Thanks..<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

H2U,<P>Think about all that went on - before - and what about last weekend - <P>Listen, Guy, he is LBing big time - and you'll be in the driver's seat - if you take it cool and calm - use your Law Enforcement skills here, as you well know, domestic problems are the worse. Let him lose it, your wife needs you, and if you work this right he'll be gone soon.<P>If I was close by, I'd take your keys, Designated Key Keeper so that H2U won't kick anybody's bu** - <P>I know you can do this. aftershock<P>(p.s. I feel bad, H is about to get home from work - so I'm gonna have to go get dinner - I'll be gone for a bit - I want you to promise you won't drive to D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

H2U,<P>Where are you? Please respond. You need to pull together. Is she being held against her will? Is there someone nearby that can check on her? She can call the police in her area. <P>I am not trying to panic you but I sense your panic already. Please post to us. These kinds of times are the most trying. You feel helpless. <P>Now calm down and breathe. You have to keep rational. Think clearly. Breathe again and again. Keep blow out that bad air. Come on.... Now post to us. Please....<P>Do you want any of the guys to call you? Right now Dave is having a war also. Listen there is enough of us out there to help you both. So let us know. OK?<P>L.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited August 01, 2001).]

Well I for one apologize to the rest...If the OM had done to me, what this guy is doing to you, HE WOULD BE ****ed up.<P> But you are better than that...<P>

I'm here.. checking.. in ICQ chat with Topie and Miss Priss.. I'm better but I have to make a call to her in afew min.. they are going to help me make it through the call and afterwords.. I'll be back on here.. thanks.. brb..<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

You people are wonderful.. I want to thank each of you.. talking this out really helps.. although I had to take it to ICQ.. I appreciate everyone who responded .. I'm okay for now.. had a short talk with her... <P>The OM won't let her hold her own baby.. <P>She kicked him out of her room last week and he started taking the baby with him.. <P>Now she lets him stay in her room because of that..<P>He called a CPS type of agency and told them that she is the crazy one.. the psycho who needs her kids taken to foster care.. <P>She has to ask his permission to hold the baby.. <P>I told her to go to her mothers or to her ex husbands if she needed to get out.. <P>She has issues from the past with judges, attorney's and LE..law enforcement.. from her childhood.. I figure.. that makes her just as scared of them as the situation that she is in. <P>The only course of action I have.. is here.. maybe an attorney.. I'm gonna check with the DA tomorrow on doing something..<P>I will continue to be her friend and harbour that I have been. I told her I was coming this weekend.. and she didn't object.. she had requested a weekend off.. but she didn't mention it when I brought it up.. so now I wonder if I should go to D.. maintain my distance and just be there.. in case.. or would that set everything back to explosive again? <P>Again.. thanks to everyone.. and especially Topie and Miss Priss for chatting me out of my anger..<P>Any ideas on the latter stuff??<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

I'm glad I could help. I'm sorry I had to go offline, but at least you were calmed down by the time I did. (and just so you know, if you had still been hopping mad, I would have stayed online with you.. and probably would've gotten my H to give some advice too).<P>Just remember what we talked about ... the same things you have been advised on here. Keep your cool. OM will be his own worst enemy. Protect yourself and your kids. And being there (in whatever way you can) for your W is all you can do for her right now.<P>You're doing an awesome job! Keep up the good work!<P>Karen<BR>

My jaw is still on the floor between your's and Dave's posts. It scares the bejeebers out of me that he is controlling contact between your wife and the baby. Please contact some kind of social services that can help with the baby issue. It's so scary what's been in the news lately about issues being taken out on the children. I am so glad you calmed down. Please keep your grip. And don't drive anywhere - stay here and talk to us. <P>

I'm still right here.. she called me back to speak with the boys at 10:30...<P>I talked to her a little more and she told me she misses me.. that she would go to her Ex's house if need be. Keep her and the baby in your prayers.. the SC and my boys. <P>I'm doing okay now. I voiced my displeasure with the situation in a gentle way about how he was handling himself and she said that he's worried that we are going to take the baby from him. I mentioned that this had NOTHING to do with the baby.. and she agreed the same.. that it was about him and her.. NOT the baby.<P>Soo back to being patient, loving, a friend, and a safe harbour.<P>Thank you everyone for coming to Dave's and my's side tonight.. we both definetly needed you all and as always, you were there.<P>Your friend,<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

H2Y:<P>Glad the sanity has returned. The OM in my previous marriage managed to push all the right buttons. We lived in a small town, and avoidance was impossible.<P>We had a few confrontrations (mind you, this was all pre-MB) and I let anger get the best of me. Although he did learn to avoid me. The only thing that kept me out of jail was God's grace and the thought of my children defaulting to my exW and the conditions they would have to live in.<P>In our (the OM and I) last conversation he mentioned that he wasn't afraid of me because I didn't own a weapon (he is an avid hunter). I just smiled and reminded him that as a National Guard Company Commander, I had access to all manner of weapons. And that I had hunted human beings for a living. He studiously avoided me from that day forth.<P>Looking back, I regret that provocation and my response. But I will admit the paleness and tightness around his eyes were satisfying at the time.<P>So, he yet lives. In the long run, it is my best revenge upon my exW. <smile><P>Deep breaths ... vent here. Stay the course as best you can.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited August 02, 2001).]

H2Y,<P>sorry I wasn't there for you - I only picked this thread up this morning at work. As you've probably already guessed I'm in a completely different time zone than you - it's about 9 hours ahead of California.<P>Glad you calmed down H2Y. Best tip I can give you is to just keep away from this guy. It sounds like your W is in some serious trouble with this guys and you'll help her more by being as calm as you can.<P>This guy is LBing bigtime - so I'd guess he's out of her heart. The question is how can you get him out of the apartment. Who can you get involved to help her ?<P>Man, I wish I lived closer - I'd have come straight over.<BR>take care,<P>Freddy<BR>

STL and Freddy,<P>Thank you for your concern and perspectives.. STL that must have been truly satifying.. wish I could have witnessed his face.. <P>I will have my satisfaction to see him locked up again.. so he CAN'T do this to anyone else. Let him live amoung his kind and reap what he sowed. Anyhow.<P>Freddy, <P>You have been a rock to me, and I you were here with me.. believe me.. in my heart from everything you put to me last week. I took it to heart and I am following it. If this works out.. I owe you a ton of thanks, and maybe even a good texmex dinner <P>Thank you both for inspiring me. Post your Good news often, it helps us focus on what may be...<P>Thank you.<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

Hi H2U,<P>I'm glad you blowed your top (grammar!!) with us.<P>I don't know you or your situation very well, but I can imagine how you must be feeling.<P>What we need to do is put our heads together and get some plan going. She needs to be out of that apartment ASAP.<P>Can your police help her move? Living here in Australia I don't really know what you guys do in this situation, but we can call the Salvation Army and the Police, and they will help people move in situations like this. Is there a women's shelter she could call? They are also experienced with dealing with this sort of emotional abuse.<P>Keep your head together, he's waiting for you to blow your top. He's goading you, and laughing at you. You're better than that. So much better.<P>Think, think, and think some more. There is a way. We just have to find it.<P>hugs to you<P>Jo