To quote Trueheart:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>My point is that, in defense of the BS, in the love you have for your spouse, your home, your kids, your marriage, your values, your career, your family, your friends....in all the relationships built over the years with the marriage, God, family, community...you have all lost site of the most important relationship...YOU, yourself!! <P>I see some of the most wonderfully dynamic people here....loving, giving, passionate, compassionate, sincere, strong, powerful, honest, caring to a fault!! I see people in here willing to reach out to others in pain, no matter what it costs them, no matter what time of the day or nite, to be there to support, comfort, lend a hand, without complaining, expecting, demanding anything in return!! I see people that have been cheated on, dragged through the mud, beat up emotionally/physically/mentally, trashed, had things taken from them, and still stand tall in the face of all that is going on. <P>Do not forget who you are. Do not let the M, or failure of Plan A/Plan B, loss of Emotional Needs being met, lack of SF, or anything else lead to you not believing in who you are. You are some of the strongest people I have ever had the pleasure to call my friends! You have shown more compassion and caring for me, and others, in our lives, than some of my *family* members have! You have been non-judgemental to those that have hurt you, as well as others that have done wrong. You have shown people the right path to walk. See yourself in the mirror and face the day knowing who you are, what you stand for, and know that there are others in here that get up everyday just to see your name in a post to see if you answered or how you are!! Do not lend yourself to bitterness, shame, anger, and hatred. You are way to far beyond that!! You may not like all that goes on in your life, but stand up tall knowing that you are a good, kind, and decent person, one that deserves the best that life has to offer, and you will get it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you will get it through love and perseverance!!<P>I am sorry for rambling but Im sitting here with tears in my eyes as I see friends like Dave, Mo, Jo, Faith, Miss Priss, LoveMess, and countless others give up on themselves due to someone else giving up on them. I dont mean by giving up on yourself that you are committing suicide or anything, but losing yourself and who you are, letting the relationship speak for who you are, getting so wrapped up in the marriage that you let the marriage define who you are!! The marriage is not you and you are not the marriage! You are a person worth knowing, worth loving, worth befriending. <P>Dont give up on you....dont ever give up on you!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank you for your wonderful message!!!<P>Here I am at midnight - eyes drooping - ready to get some sleep - checking on all my friends here at MB - and offering the support that I can. These wonderful, brave souls are trying so hard to make something work - to rescue our spouses and families - to avoid becoming a part of the 50%. I admire each and every one of them for walking this noble path!<P>Yes. You are so right! And, if it is anything I have learned in the last 12 weeks of this experience, is how valuable I really am!! THanks to this board, the Harley principles, and other materials I have absorbed myself in (Dobson, Smalley, McDowell, Beth Moore, Stormie Omartian, etc), I realized that my happiness was wrapped up in my H and my marriage. ugh. How do we ever get to that point??? BUt lots of us do. <P>And you are so right and thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's so easy in this "battle" - wearing our Suits of Armor (Plan A and B), and carrying our sharp and refined weapons (En's and no LB's) - to get so focused - with blinders on - with battle-cry: SAVE THE MARRIAGE - SAVE THE MARRIAGE!!! I guess it's a fine line between SAVE THE MARRIAGE and WORK ON MYSELF.. (yes,taking responsibility)... and LOSING MYSELF - WHERE AM I - WHO AM I??? We must hold on to ourselves - the wonderful gifts God gave us - we will be in these bodies our whole life - we will be with this person (self) our whole life - 24 hours a day! We'd better like ourselves, and DECIDE to be happy and thankful in the circumstances life deals us.<P>I certainly can't improve on what you've said above. Just trying to think out loud what it is you are saying, and what I get from it.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 02, 2001).]

So, so true. You cannot be true to another until you are true to yourself.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Trueheart... you around?

I just wanted to take a minute and send out my thanks to those here that have meant so much to me in my recovery! Because of many of you, I have learned what commitment and dedication really means. Because of you, I have learned that there is no substitute for unconditional love. There is no other than the one that I love, and her forgiveness of me has meant the world. You guys have shown, by your words and experiences, the hurt, anger, frustration, confusion and the myriad of other emotions, feelings, and reactions, what the BS goes through after the devastation that an A causes. If not for finding this site, I am not sure I would have gotten to the insights and realizations that I have about myself and our relationship. I hope, that in some way, I have been able to give back to you what you have given to me...hope, belief, support, and comfort. There have been many times, even as I wrote, that I felt worthy of neither your friendships, nor the gift of love from my W. (See, even WS go through the feelings of unworthiness.. ) The humor, compassion, straight forwardness, empathy, caring and sharing have truly made this time a joy for me...<P>I guess this is my sorry attempt at goodbye for now. There are still some issues at home to tend to and that needs to be my priority at this time. In addition, I have new career demands which I need to focus on. In order to stoke the home fires, and reach the balance we seek, I bid you all Godspeed (as a good friend of ours would say!!) You have all meant a great deal to me, and I can only hope that I have been able to help some of you, in return. I will miss WATs rules, STLs humor, Orchid, Faith, Rick37, Topie, HbyH, H2You, saddad, JL, zen for all your insights and honest assessments, Cali for your strength and resolve, Miss Priss for you candid venting , and all the sound advice and being able to stay focused on the right things from everyone else!! Thank you again, from my heart to yours!!<P>I wish you all the best in the future. Take care my friends!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.*<P>Trueheart