This morning I felt so good...closure was such a good feeling. People have told me it would get bad...but can't I have a little reprieve?<P>Husband stopped by at 12:30...wanted to discuss financial issues. Acted like nothing happened last night. Amazing. I didn't let him in the house. That didn't make him very happy. My oldest daughter had to go and pick up youngest d at soccer camp. H jumped in the passenger seat. He told d he didn't know why everyone was so upset. He hadn't done anything wrong. Meg said, "Dad why did you bring her here again?" That is so wrong. She said he doesn't even understand what he is doing. They came back...and he called and he said that I needed to go out and talk to him. I finally went out and asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted to go over finances. I told him I had an appt with my lawyer. He thought it was at 9. I told him I had called at least 6 times to tell him that last night and I had also left an email. If he was "too busy to look" that was his problem. <P>He showed no remorse over last night. What a jerk?<P>This afternoon I spoke with my lawyer. H is kind of a jerk too. Very course. Very outspoken. It was an interesting meeting. He said the state of Missouri does not pay alimony. Don't expect it. H will make up to 300,000 a year in 3 years. The lawyer says I make too much money. I make $28,000 teaching. How fair is that? I told him I would quit my job. He said the state would still say that I could earn it. I have been doing this job for 5 years and I am burned out anyway. H and I had been discussing this for months. I wanted to work with my own 2 LD kids. I guess that is water under the bridge. Anyway, no alimony.<P>Came home and took daughter back to soccer camp. I have been having my kids take her so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone lately. Anyway, knew everyone there tonight. I told a lot of them about what is going on. THey couldn't believe it. Then guess who shows up. Unbelievable. He left before I did. <P>Then got a phone call from 15 year old. "Mom, Kyle forgot to lock the door and dad is in the house. He took the small safety deposit box, and is looking thru files in the computer room. I raced home and he was working on the basketball hoop of all things. I asked him why he took the deposit box--it had the other set of keys for the Grand Am, credit cards, medical insurance cards and airline tickets--that my daughter was going to use for a trip to Dallas next week.He said I would get it back when I gave him the boat keys back. I reached to get them from the truck and he cussed and threw me aside. My daughter came out and he cussed her out. It was awful. A lot of the neighbors saw and heard it. Guess I can get a restraining order tomorrow now. What a mess. He makes me so mad. He was trying to take the little kids and Meg on the boat with her again. Why doesn't he show any shame??? Unbelievable!!! <P>I didn't give him the boat keys. Hope I don't need the extra keys for the Grand Am. He yelled at me. My lawyer said I own everything and paid for everything in the house. I could throw you out on the street. You think this is tough...my lawyer and I are going to tear you apart in court. I love his comment "Leslie knows I am a warm and caring individual...to bad you don't". Well, after 5 affairs, and behavior like this over the years--his outlook on life is a little bleak.

MNM:<P>Consider finding a different lawyer. Not sure on the specifics of your area on alimony, child support, etc. but most jurisdictions take into account the difference in income, particularly in child support matters. Alimony ... well, as a military wife (it is late ... I got that right, right?), you are entitled to 50 percent of his retirement. That is not a state law. That is federal law.<P>My prayers are with you and your children. Unfortunately, vindictive spouses in the fog are a royal pain (having gone through this with my exW). Take a deep breath, keep on truckin'.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

MnM,<BR>I really feel bad for you - gosh, getting that box. That does not look favorably on him in court. He was not invited into your house. Computer? You don't need the attack on mb if he finds out your support group.<P>I had the same thing happen with my x. My neighbor was taking care of my townhouse for 2 weeks and she let him in. I should have asked my gf to look after it. At that time my only baby was my cat. He didn't take her (I finally had her put to sleep a yr ago just before we moved). But, he kept coming back and breaking into the storage and stealing stuff. He was so obsessive about the stuff - he stole power tools, and other stuff. Some of his stuff I had in the townhouse, his pictures he got in Korea, big deal, I didn't want them; not much on that oriental art. <P>You've been a strong lady to stay with him for all those A's over the years. If you've really come to the end (and sometimes that does happen), then you have to end it in court, unfortunately. Just remember, the lawyers love to bill that time - that's money to them, so decide what you want and don't dicker back and forth - the more back and forth - the more money. I hope the lawyer you saw gave you the right answers on the military retirement. I know about that "no alimony", but what can you prove about the previous A's? <P>It would probably be a good thing to enact a restraining order. Especially so he can't bring the OW around. Also, with his transporting the kids anywhere.<P>MnM, I don't know if he'll ever come out of the fog on this one. It's great he throws it into your face that someone else cares. The fog is too thick. Please take care, aftershock

HI Misery,<P> You might want to interview other attorneys.....it's amazing the differences in attitude etc. When I obtained a separation agreement my lawyer decided to up the child support considerably since like your state, one didn't get much in alimony. Also, child support is taxfree. <P>Make sure you write down everything that your kids need, from sports stuff to clothes, you want to get the amount to keep them in the same standard of living. Take your time and think things through carefully. Also, you might want the attorney to try to get a "college fund" set up by H for the future. <P>Be very careful since once the money is agreed upon it's hard to change it.....Hugs to you ....LU

Thanks everyone. I really felt bad yesterday...Actually do today too. I don't know if I am doing the right thing with this lawyer or not. He really has an abrasive personality. A close friend called this morning and offered to go with me to find another one. In the back of my head tho--everyone kept telling me the one I have is the best one to have in court. He has never lost a case supposedly. I don't know if I can deal with more rough behavior tho.<P>I am feeling down about this whole mess. I keep getting those wouldve, shouldve, couldve thoughts. I know that now that I have finally made this decision that there is no possiblity of reconciliation, I need to look to the future and move on. Hard to do tho.<P>I am going to try to get in and get in a restraining order. At least I wouldn't have to deal with him here anymore. Maybe I could protect the kids better. God, this is horrible. We had a pretty good family. What kind of legacy am I leaving these kids. It makes me so sad. Our life was never really normal tho. It just looked that way to others. <BR> Well, better run. Thanks for your thoughts.

I did go and file a restraining order yesterday. This is hard...I have never done anything like that before. Part of me wants to go "Stop, this is crazy"....and yet the situation has really gotten bizaare. I hate this...what is he doing to our family?<P>I need to start on the financial papers the lawyer wants me to fill out...It is like a book. I also have to figure out the bills, weed the yard, get school supplies for the kids and start getting ready for another school year. I wake up each day feeling so dragged out and tired tho....I haven't been getting anything done. I wish I could just hibernate for a few weeks to get myself back on track. I am moving soooooo slowly. I am falling farther and farther behind. Has anyone else felt like this...or should I go get help?

Hi MnM,<P>Restraing order. I understand. Had one put on H. This is hard. Doesn't necessarily mean the end though. But get your ducks in order. You will be better protected that way and will help keep you busy so that you can keep a clear head. <P>Can't stay long this morning. Gotta go. <P>Check in on you later. <P>L. <BR>

MnM:<P>Divorce proceedings, even at their best, are bad. You needn't dump your abrasive lawyer, but you can get a second opinion from someone less abrasive. There are many sucessful lawyers who are not abrasive and will work with you in a non-confrontational, non-demeaning way.<P>Glad you got the restraining order. Had to do the same, as my exW was breaking into the house while I was traveling on business.<P>A final thought: wars are ugly, and the divorce proceedings could end up that way. Just steel yourself for that possibility now and you will be less apt to become overwhelmed by it.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<P>

Thanks for the insight. Guess I should start posting on the divorce site...altho I feel more comfortable here at the moment. <P>Once again...you all have been great...given me much to think about. I am determined to go get some weeding done this morning...before the heat hits. Maybe it will be theraputic !!!!

Hi MnM,<P>How are you doing? I got in late tonight and am in the catch up mode. Did you finish your weeding? I have to do that also. On the side of the patio, right now the weeds are greener than the plants. <P>L.<P>

Hey Orchid,<P>Are you still up? We weeded for 4 hours today. Got all the kids, plus two of their friends to help. It was awful...looks pretty good now tho. We threw them on the field next door...looks like a mountain over there. They are going to build a house there soon..so hopefully they won't care !!<P>Wish I was near you guys...I could use a beer(I brought a mini keg back from the Budweis brewery in Czechoslovakia--I keep spelling that wrong)---actually, I don't drink beer--brought it back for my H--and he is not going to have it now. Man, that was heavy to carry through customs too. I could use a glass of wine or a margharita(sp)---my spelling is so off tonight....<P>I had a rough night tonight. I got my new refrigerator...it's great. But made me lonely for my husband. We had been looking for one for ages...and now he won't be here to enjoy it with me. {Sigh} I also put the old one down in the basement...and saw all the building materials we had bought. Last time I was down there was when we were deciding where the rooms were going to go.<P>I told Mandy we need to take some construction classes and finish those rooms. That would be something....my h would never believe we could do it. Anyone have any expertise in that area....maybe we could go from house to house and help each other. Oh...I must be getting tired. Hope you had a great day. I think I am off to bed soon...even tho I don't sleep well--my little ones still expect me to get up early. Nite!!

Hi, <P>Yep still up and posting to H2U and Berzini. No beer just posting. So you got a new fridge? Me too. Last year. Nice Maytag one. It is sad that your H is not there to enjoy the family and help out around the house. Sounds like you are pulling things together. In time, he will see what he is missing. Not just see that he is missing out and make him want to come back and participate. <P>Hope you get some rest tonight. See you tomorrow. <P>L.<BR>