Any ideas on how to word in a Plan A fashion that No Contact is needed? <P>I asked he 2 days ago if we could write a No Contact letter. But she said I could do it. Told her that she needs to write it, and left it at that. I have also told here and asked her that No Contact is needed for us to move on. Just last night she told me that "you will never be able to forgot about it (A)". My response: it is hard for me to forget with this continued contact happening. It seems that we are stuck on this, and are just running around in circles, and not moving on.<P>Contact has been by cell phone and $ to W bank account lately.<P>Any ideas appreciated,<P>positive<BR>

How about something like this:<P>I am sorry I keep bringing the A up, it is not my intention to keep bringing up such painful memories. I simply want to move past this, work on our marriage and make things whole again. A no contact letter would really help me to do this. It is one of the things I feel I need to be able to move on. I just wanted you to know that.<P>Then leave it up to her for a while. A week or two. Don't talk about the A and don't talk about the letter. If she questions why you may be upset or why you are doing something, just tell her that you have already explained why and do not wish to bug her about it.<P>Just a thought. Every situation is different. Your other alternative is to try POJA with her to determine a suitable way to end contact (but it sounds like she may not be willing yet...), or going to plan B until she agrees to do it (too extreme for me, but works for some). <P>Or perhaps sit down at the table with a piece of paper, right in front of her and start writing the letter. If she asks, tell her you are working on it, you'd like to know what she thinks and how it should be worded, in other words, you get the ball rolling and try to get her input/help.<P>I don't see why you can't write the letter the way you think SHE would write it (not the way YOU want it), and simply ask her to read it over and give her approval. She would need to mail it, or email it, or whatever.

I think that is very good advice by hbh.<P>ALso, here's a link to a post that is going on - you may have looked at it already. It's quite long, and may be too much information for you right now, but you may want to read a little of the beginning, and perhaps scroll through a little.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/007312.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/007312.html</A> <P>See what you think.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Both of you have good ideas. Many Thanks!<P>will work on the approach mentioned by of doing just what the W told me to do: set down and write the letter.<P>read the link to kevan's post. very very simular to my/our story. i posted a long vent in 'Plan A/B Is this working?' <P>plan B isn't for me at this point. it will be 1yr since dday on 8/24. 8/23 is our 20th anniversary. don't know what to do or expect about the 20th avrsy. i am thinking of asking her to go with me alone somewhere for a couple of days. we have two children and i believe (and i think W does) that we have but all of our energy into the kids over the years.<P>will continue the plan A to the best of my ability. i just hope i can outlast OM.<P>bye for now<BR>Positive