H was over yesterday to see kids especially since it was D's birthday. I'm trying to get him to stay over Fri night since he is going to watch kids on Sat and would have to be here fairly early. I joked with him about having sex, told him that after all we are married and that (unlike OW) I wouldn't leave any marks on him so she wouldn't have to know. He laughed the whole time, told me I was being bad. I then promised to behave myself if he stayed. He said he wouldn't behave. Kept saying he didn't know if he'd stay or not. I asked him if he'd read the letter. He said yes but nothing else. I then told him that I was going to try to get him back and that if there was no hope to please tell me. He laughed, told me to stop it but wasn't upset about it and more importantly (I think) didn't say it was over for good. <P>I've decided that I definitely want my H back, I want the opportunity to mend our marriage and make it good again. I'm afraid to get my hopes up, afraid it'll be a mistake, afraid he won't want to. I'm afraid I'll have expectations, afraid I won't have the patience needed, afraid he'll have his cake and eat it too....just plain afraid. LOL To be honest, it was easier for me emotionally when I'd resigned myself to the fact that he left me and it was over. What am I doing?!?!<P>Anyway, thanks for letting me get this out! <P>MS

Come here and let it out anytime. Your fears are normal. Did you see the Fears post a couple of days ago? I believe it started on Sunday - not sure where it is... anyway. <P>SOunds like you have renewed energy for your Plan! Learn all you can about Plan A. <P>Keep conversation light and friendly (like you are doing) - you might be careful about the joking about sex and asking for "hope" from him. Sometimes jokes are jokes, but sometimes, they can be thought about and taken seriously - especially by fog-heads... so just be careful about that.<P>Glad you are feeling better - and welcome to the Plan A club. We can help each other along the way.

Hi Mad Season, (is that in reference to Matchbox 20?)<P>I have the same fears as you do!! And this is soooo hard! But one thing I am sure of, and maybe this will help you... If my marriage does not work out I will know that I gave it my best shot. That is my motivation behind Plan A.<P>Good Luck! Heck<BR>

Faith1,<BR>Your advice about the jokes and hope is good. I'll be careful about the jokes. As for asking for hope, really what I was doing was letting him know that I hadn't given up on us. I don't intend to bring it up again...just wanted him to be aware. Thanks for your support. Now that I've made up my mind, I have a feeling I'll really need it!<P>Heck,<BR>I like your motivation!! I tried more or less Plan A'ing before when H was home. This is the longest he's been gone and somehow I think this is going to be my best opportunity. If I can't get H back to work on our marriage, I too will be able to say I gave it my all. Of course, until he files for divorce my marriage will NOT be over! This is my new outlook. Thanks. Oh yeah, Mad Season is in ref to Matchbox 20...seemed appropriate.<P>MS

Mad Season,<P>I think Matchbox 20 has been in our shoes before. "If You're Gone" has stuck a cord with me even months before I knew about the A and "Bent" seems to fit too.<P>Heck

Heck,<P>"If you're gone" - I tend to skip that song alot. I break down with that one more often than not. It was the first song I related to my H after. If you like Melissa Etheridge at all, you ought to check out "Skin." It's her newest, a break up CD, very good.<P>MS