OK this is an odd thing. Hubby and I were discussing OUR NEEDS today at lunch. He brought up a few more needs he feels are important to him, on top of his top 5. OKAY, I can try, but think it is odd. I have actually 4 needs he needs to maintain on a daily basis, and He has a list of five. He wants to add a few ( 3) more for me to fullfill daily. <BR> I can do this, but one struck me as odd, He listed a need for time alone. We have had a remarkable recovery, so this threw me a bit. I think I am over thinking it. OK not sure if I needed the vent or the advice here. Thanks for listening.

um... did he say how much time? where? how often? We all need time alone... I guess it depends...

no no specifics, just time to himself. I agree it is a need, but a DAILY need, that I am having a hard time chewing on.

hmmmm... I'm sure there's Harley "wisdom" about honesty and keeping secrets in marriage. Wonder if this is relevant. I haven't studied the POJA and Negotiation enough yet to know how to come to an agreement on this. <P>We certainly want his needs to be met, but never in a way that tramples yours. Surely there's a way that he can let you know what he's doing and where - in order to fulfill your need for Honesty/Openness (I'm assuming that's one of your needs).<P>ANyone else have advice on this? I think I'll read some more tonight on POJA and Negotiation. Good question.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 02, 2001).]

Alexy, I read your post this afternoon and i felt i needed to reply. My H and I are in the beginning stages of recovery. We've had one session with Steve, then for each of us separately and then we have another together in about a week. I plan A'd for about 4 months, very hard to do,but I won his heart back. I kinda got the impression that he wanted me to at least try too. Because he said that i could try if i wanted to but it might not work. Well, it did,of which i am so glad. I realize my part in all this mess and how i took him for granted. Anyhow, before H A, we both did things apart. We went out but it was only to get me out and away from our 4 kids. Our priorities were so messed up. Now we want to spend our time together. This I'm sure might not be in the Harley books but it is true of most Husbands. You see husbands have what i call a CAve mentality. When they get home they do NOT, I repeat do not want us wives to bombard them with every detail of our days yet. Most Husbands want a shower and have dinner and just relax from the stress. Thats something i've learned the hard way. Most husbands have a cave zone where they go when thier stressed. for some it might be golf, fixing cars, some its a beer now and thben. i'm not saying its wrong or right, it just is. and i also relalize that the more we push them to not relax and just be the more they sure won't meet our needs for affection and conversation. I've had to lay down this idea with God and let my H have some time to himself,a slong as i know where he is and i have a phone number or i can just drive by if i needed to then i'm ok with it. With all this, i realize too that i have to give my H some room to breathe. to connect back with God and to deal with what happened And all the other stuff thats on his mind. HE usually comes back refressed and ready to talk. Sometimes i just let him go in the our basement and just chill and listen to music, plus i make sure our kids don't bother him so he can unwind. thats my take on it.

Payton thank you for your words of wisdom. I can see it from a different view now.

I talked to my H last night and I totally blew this out of porportion. He was meaning that he wants my support in taking time for himself to fish and do things like that. He was making sure my feelings are meet, and wanted my ok that I am ready for it. He has a cell phone so I guess if I need him I can get him. He is trying SO hard to make us right and better.