I am wondering if women rape victim's are more likely to have affairs with married men and when they are married more likely to be unfaithful?

Why are you feeling the need to ask this question??

Don't know.<BR>But, adults that are survivors of childhood sexual abuse statistacly are more likely to be promiscuous, though don't know exactly why. So, going by that theory it would seem that you could put rape victims into that catagory but again, I don't really know.

I doubt it. I would think victims of rape are LESS likely to do these things.<P>I guess it depends on the person. On the one hand you have the person who thinks of sex in a totally different perspective because of the rape and does not see it as lovemaking. They could and are probably very likely to use sex as a way to "get back at the world" or in some weird way try to make themselves feel better because they didn't deal with the rape. <P>Then, you have the type of person I would be and that is that they are scared of sex and honestly are probably LESS likely to have an affair and they would tend to have very few sex partners in life because they would need to trust someone very much before exposing themselves that way.<P>And some just get over it and are not effected either way and would have an affair the same reason anyone else would/could have an affair, rape had nothing to do with it...<P>I think most rape victims would be in category #2...<P>That's my perspective anyway.<BR>HbH

Interesting question....<BR>Not sure it would make any difference either way. Rape is a violent act, far removed from love and sex. <BR>Any studies on this one? Depending on how the study is done, I might believe the conclusions. <BR>The few I read on incest survivors had flaws. So while there could be a connection, nothing conclusive can be drawn. <BR>cl

Alexy,<P>I need to ask this because I think it might explain my wife's affair.

Rodger, I have read so many of your threads, I think you are a very strong man. You need to begin healing, forgiving, moving on from trying to find the reason she had it, to making sure it never happens again. <P> I have no experience with rape, so I cannot help you here. I have just noticed you start a lot of question threads, and your search for the reason for the affair breaks my heart. I know you want your wife more than anything, we all see it in your threads. Start to heal rodger, stop giving the act of the affair this much power in your heart and head. You may never find out the why, but you can sort of control the destiny of the IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. JMHO

I am a victim of rape, and I committed adultery. For me, I think the impact that had on me - well, I didn't really recognize it until now, until I could see things more clearly - but the effect was that saying no didn't help me. <P>My story in this area is very very complicated, and too much to go into here, but for a long time I hated myself for not being strong enough. . .It's kind of difficult to talk about but, I think the rape led to me being promiscuous. For me, it wasn't so much that sex didn't matter, but for me saying no,well it didn't work, it didn't change anything. Over time, I never dealt with this situation in a good way, and more and more, my anger was directed at myself - for not being able to prevent this from happening, versus being mad at the person who did this. Eventually, since I didn't like myself so much, I looked for others to like me. And, for guys, well, I just gave them what they wanted - in hopes that they would love me. What developed, for me at least, was that a pattern developed, I had gotten into the habit of not saying no - giving in. I didn't want to fight it, because, well, it just wouldn't matter if I did. <P>All the time, I thought true love was right around the corner - but it alluded me. Until I met and married my H. But the problem was - I never addressed that issue, never talked about it, never realized the impact it had on me personally, and I don't know. I just never really handled relationships very well after that point.<P>When the affair happened, well, it was kind of like time for me to figure out what was going on within my head. I was pretty messed up. In recovery from the A, I began reading a lot of inspirational, though-provoking books, joined a bible study group, prayed for God's help, and believe it or not, in a year's time, I was able to reconicle the things that happened in my past, and the things that happened in my marriage.<P>Did the rape cause me to have an affair? No. But, that's about the time, things in my life began to change, and go downhill. In one of the books I read by Charles Swindoll - Strengthening Your Grip - he says that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and sometimes good people do bad things. It's not so much what happened or why, but how you handle it that matters, how you get through it. For me, I didn't handle things very well following that situation.<P>For me, I wish I would have gotten counseling at the time of the incident, I wish I would have - well, I did tell - but I wish I would have told the right people, and gotten the help I needed. Instead, I pushed things under the rug, tried to pretend that it didn't happen, and well, I think it kind of caught up to me. I really hated myself for a long time.<P>Long answer to a short question, but if your wife has been through a similar situation, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get counseling even now - even after maybe years since it happened - to resolve those personal issues. For me, it did have an impact on me, though I didn't realize it until it was too late.<p>[This message has been edited by SKM (edited August 03, 2001).]

Thanks SKM for your wonderful and honest insight!<P>R:<BR>No single factor, IMHO, makes a person "more susceptible" to having an affair. I am currently digesting Steve Harley's August newsletter, which has some key WS points in it (as well as a heap of other good stuff). If you aren't on the mailing list, take this opportunity to get on it.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL