Hi All,<P>I've posted most of this message on Prayer Requests, just hoping for a reply real soon!<P>Today I feel so low. I talked a lot to my W last night. She has been seeing a counsellor, and has found over time that she has learned to find her inner child. She says her ethnic family backgound, and the church had certain expectations the repressed her inner child. She thinks she did a lot of things to meet the expectations of her family, and the church. Also, now she knows she can't have kids this has changed things a lot.<P>She says she wants 'closure' on our relationship so she can move on, and finds that when i say 'my wife' to people, it is beginning to grind on her. I told her I don't want a D because it will break any bond that I have with her, she says its just a piece of paper and she doesn't want to give me a false hope. She won't file, unless I agree. And as I don't want to then she is happy to see what happens in time. This really hurts me, in the past she told me she didn't want a D!<P>I still search for answers from her as to why we seperated. I haven't heard a reasonable answer yet. I say that there must have been needs in her that I was not meeting. She just keeps going on that, the expectations of her family etc. meant that she wasn't the 'real' her that exists now. The person that she has found through counselling. This leaves me so stranded. I wish she could say something like, you werent a great lover, or you were inconsiderate. But there is just nothing like that.<P>I wish I had some sign from God. Sometimes I think, is it just me that wants this marriage. How do I know that this is what God wants too?<P>I wish there was a little bit of emotion from my wife. I just wish she knew how lonely I am, and how much I miss her hugs and kisses. Maybe, it's that she does know and that she keeps her distance to save me more pain.<P>I've got tears in my eyes, and I haven't felt like this for such a while. My 24 yeah old body is yearning for sexual fulfillment, and I keep having thoughts that I will just go off and have sex with someone. In my mind I know for me that will destroy the bond I have with my W forever. The last time I had these sort of thoughts I was on the brink of doing it, at the point where I was looking up old girlfriends in my address book. But then I stubled across this site. And to me it was a sign of what I should be doing at the time. But now I can't help but feel discouraged.<P>Sometimes I ask God why I have to go through this. Why did my wife come home after her travels, why does she still want to live in the same house with me? Why? Why? Why? I feel dazed and confused and just want to run away from all my commitments and just forget it all sometimes.<P>I ask for your prayers at this time. I just wish that God could give me some sort of sign that I should fight for my marriage.<P>One tearfilled Plec.

pleco,<P>just wanted to let you know that somebody out here is thinking about you and feeling with you. There's a lot of pain you're going through right now - take care of yourself.<P>Love is like a butterfly - it's most beautiful when it's free but trap it, hold it too tightly and it will die. Like the butterfly, you can't force somebody to love you. You can't force somebody to stay with you. This has to chosen freely, without constraints. Think of your wife as you would the butterfly, listen to her words, respect her choices and open your heart to let her go if that's her choice. <P>For you, there are many paths in life. Many choices that you will have to make. Have strength. <BR>

Perhaps this web-site coming across your computer screen is a sign that you should fight for your marriage? <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

I have this strange feeling from my wife that she doesn't want me now, she wants me later. I can't really explain it, just a feeling I have. Almost like I don't want to loose you entirely. She's always said things like i'm her rock, and i've been a positive influence for her. Since she came to find herself through counselling I think she wants to embrace this new person that she is, moving on from the old to the new. Is this all gibberish? I think I'm more confused than she is at times, but I realise this is <BR>her confusion rubbing off on me!<P>Thanks again faith. I'm going to the city tonight with my W. She's going to see one of her friends, and i'm going to see one of mine. I just pray that the time we have together in the car is productive and that I learn to communicate better with her.<P>I do belive God doesn't want me to go and get off with another woman, but sometimes Satan is pushing me saying "go on do it, you know you'll feel better"! I'm pretty sure it's just a trick, and I would only end up feeling worse. But it's hard when you feel so rejected and lacking in affection.<P>Plec ;> )

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by plecostomous:<BR><B>I have this strange feeling from my wife that she doesn't want me now, she wants me later. I can't really explain it, just a feeling I have. Almost like I don't want to loose you entirely. She's always said things like i'm her rock, and i've been a positive influence for her. Since she came to find herself through counselling I think she wants to embrace this new person that she is, moving on from the old to the new. Is this all gibberish? I think I'm more confused than she is at times, but I realise this is her confusion rubbing off on me!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Are you seeing an unmet need of hers? She needs to grow. You need to not only let her, but encourage her. Continue to be her rock and a positive influence for her.<P>My wife is saying the same things. She wants to be "on her own" she wants "space and time to think." Really she wants to grow as a person. Marriage sometimes keeps that from happening. <P>Let her go(not a divorce) and find out who she is. Encourage her and support her. But always let her know you love her and care for her. She wants that as well.<P><BR>Do you get a badge when you become a regular?<p>[This message has been edited by sad_but_true (edited August 03, 2001).]