KID,<P>I'm more or less new at Plan A, too. From my understanding of it, you'll want to keep it up. Plan A should essentially become a way of life. The goal is to improve ourselves, the outcome we want is for our WS to notice these improvements and want to come back to work on the M. (Do I have this right,anyone?) If they do not, we have become better people. Our relationships with others have become enriched. In the end, we're still "winners." One thing that I notice is stressed alot here is that Plan A is not easy by a long shot!<P>Hon, haven't you felt "walked on" since D-day? Doormat is another term that is used here...it's what we BS's tend to feel like. It's hard being the "good" spouse, not LB'ing. For me, I see it as giving H the best of both worlds. It's a mentality I'm struggling to get over. <P>Maybe this will help....think of the A as a drug your H got hooked on. It makes no difference if a drug-user has chosen to get clean or not, he still has to go thru withdrawals. Just as they are not themselves while on the drug, they aren't themselves while withdrawing from it. Be as supportive as you can but take care of you as well. Remember, you're fighting for the man you fell in love with, the one you married for better or worse. He's still there somewhere under all the "drug" haze. This analogy is along the same lines as the "fog" referred to here. It's looking at it this way that helps keep things in perspective for me.<P>Hope I helped a little. Hang in there.<P>MS
