I know this may sound lame, but this is a problem I'm having and the advice I get here is comforting. I'm the WS and I want to go to reality school this spring semester. I don't expect me H to trust me over night, but I want to go to school so I can leave my dead-end job. My H says he understands that I want to go, says to go, but gives me an unintentional guilt trip. He says I worry that us not spending enough time toghether, that I may stray away.He works full-time and I work about 32hrs a week. We work oppisit of eachother so we don't have to have a sitter. I know I won't stray. I know I can't really convince my H. So should I go , or should I stay home?S

SEM:<P>What you just posted is a great conversation to have with your husband. It falls tidily into the rules of honesty, care and protection.<P>By including him, you are implementing the Policy of Joint Agreement (POJA).<P>Keep away from any Love Busters and this becomes a great topic for the two of you.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

I agree with STL. I think realty school is a great idea. It boosts self esteem to strike out on something like that, and can make lots of $$. But you need H's support. Have a nice conversation, both of you need to listen to each others' needs and opinions, and come up with a solution together.<P>1. You could take the course another time. <BR>2. He could take it with you.<BR>3. You could agree to additional time with him.<BR>4. He could help you study.<BR>5. You could drop the idea for now, and revisit the possibility later.<P>just some ideas to maybe get you started.<P>I'm so glad you two are here and working on your selves and your relationship!<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

I agree with STL. This is an excellent conversation to have with your H. I would relish having my W bring up a conversation like this. We are trying to reconcile, but I find that she is very distant and not wanting to talk about things at this point, which is very frustrating to me. It may also be frustrating to your H at this point and you initiating the conversation may be very comforting to him.<P>S&C

Thanks for your advice. We started talking last night about it. I'm afraid that I could resent him if I keep delaying it. I delayed it this fall. I would love it if could come to school with me, but we could not financially afford it. Him studying with me will have to do, ecspecially cause he is easy to learn from. Thanks for the idea's. S

Dr. Laura says stay at home Be your kids mom.. so I don't know.. <P>Do you have to work?<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

H2Y<BR> Ya I have to work. I can work 20hrs a week and have full benifits for whole family. Plus we are big spenders, we are in debt.(house, car, ect.) I don't always agree with Dr. Laura. We want to move to PA where the house's are cheap, and rent them out, so we can make a living. Anothe reason to go to school. Know the laws, and how it all works. S

SEM:<P>While Dr. Laura provides some unique insights into many things, some of what she says is a bit out of sync with MB.<P>The overriding issue in the work/stay at home/go to school thing must be looked at from an emotional needs point of view. If domestic and family support are extremely high on your huband's ENs, it is something you are going to have to work out within the framework of POJA.<P>Conversely, if domestic and family support are lower on his list, and you work within the POJA to go to school, then that is the right thing in <I>your</I> circumstance.<P>One of the single largest variables in the MB approach is the emotional needs of the members. Everyone is bound to be different in their ranking of their ENs. The glue that holds it all together is adherence to the four rules (honesty, care, protection and time) and the Policy of Joint Agreement. (Well, avoiding love busters is also important, but that falls within the scope of the rules of care and protection, IMHO.)<P>I encourage you and your husband to read the material on this site as well as Dr. Harley's books. Understanding, and then implementing, the concepts--when both spouses are committed to them 100-percent--has proven to have a very, very high success rate. In addition, do not neglect counseling for either yourself and/or your husband.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

SEM

SEM<P>Sit down w/you H ana ask him what he would need from you in terms of reassurance that would make him feel OK if you were to go away. Then whatever he says...agree to it and do it. <P>You have already said you wouldn't stray. Unfortunately your H needs proof and reassurance. Find out what that i and then provide it for him.<P>Int he end this could go a long way towards earning trust and helping speed your recovery.<P>Good Luck <P>E