I notice in a lot of threads I read, the person having the affair is eventially "forced to tell the truth about the affair." How do they get forced? My husband still denies an "emotional affair" he was having - or at least I think he was having - 2 years ago. Please advise if you can.

C&D,<P>Sorry, I don't have an answer for you. My husband (after admitting to A) claims it didn't (isn't) happening. Can't get him to admit the truth either... I'm hoping by bumping this to the top again someone out there might have an answer.

<<< My husband still denies an "emotional affair" he was having - or at least I think he was having - 2 years ago. Please advise if you can.[/B][/QUOTE]>>><P>IMO most men would never admit to an emotional affair. To them there is no such thing. If there wasn't sex, it wasn't an affair. And even then plenty of men draw lines in the sand about what counts and what doesn't (ala Bill Clinton). I think women are much more likely to believe in emotional affairs.<P>Now ot "being forced to admit". My H would have taken it to his grave. Right before he moved out I busted him talking to OW on the phone (redial). I knew he was acting bizarrely and that's why I checked. He denied up and down that anything was going on and that he had any interest in her beyond being "friends". OW also gave me the same BS, though she was really nasty about it. A week later he told he wanted a divorce and it had nothing to do with her. He said "I'm never even going to speak to her again since you made such a big deal about me having a friend. I just want to be alone and not married anymore." He moved in with her. Lied the entire time (first he was staying with a male friend from work, then in a mythical lonely, empty apartment). Afew times during the A/separation I brought her up. He would hug me and tell me I had an overactive imagination (this was after the fog started to clear and he was nicer) and he had never spoken to her again after that day I pressed redial. Finally he moved back home. The OW called me literally as soon as he dumped her (he was probably barely out of her driveway) and spilled the beans about everything. She was quite bummed that I wasn't shocked and pissed that I was taking him back. He couldn't really deny it anymore after that.<P>

confused<P>I think you're referring to threads where the spouse is confronted with such strong evidence that they can't DENY an EA is going on. <P>The basic problem is we can't MAKE our spouses do anything. MB principles do say that the admission of the A (and reparations) are part of the recovery process. But, this has to be freely given. Making the marriage a safe place for the WS to do this is part of recovery.<P>2tired2care and fairydust have put their finger on a real problem with an EA - it doesn't fit the common definition of an A since it's not physical. Watching these forums I find that both M and F WS's have problems admitting EAs. They may also acknowledge all the "facts" but insist "I'm not having an A".<P>If you keep working on each other's needs, hopefully you will be able to talk about this "past history" someday (it is past, right?). That's sort of where we're at now, so I know where you're coming from.<P>--Jeffers<P><BR>