After my post yesterday I thought I might be able to enjoy the weekend. But its looking ify right now.<P>I sent my wife an e-card a couple of days ago. She picked it up today, but sent no reply. Since she's been gone she's replied to all of my notes. <P>I called her sister, who has the computer, to see if she had been there to check her mail. She had but didn't say anything. <P>Now I'm worried that I've made her mad with my calling. I guess I'll stop for quite a while. But I almost made it to the weekend. <P><BR>

It's ok, man. She could've ignored the e-card, and didn't! She picked it up. Let that make you feel a little better, ok? Yes, sounds like you may need to back off a little. You've read dlm's posts, right? So don't back off <B>completely</B>, and don't get discouraged at the lack of response. GO read gdc's post with dlm's story again. <P>Stay on here this weekend if it will help you. I won't be around much - but off and on - and so will some of the others. Enjoy your new TV. Are there some projects you can do at home? Cleaning? Fixing? Organizing?<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Faith1:<BR><B>It's ok, man. She could've ignored the e-card, and didn't! She picked it up. Let that make you feel a little better, ok? Yes, sounds like you may need to back off a little. You've read dlm's posts, right? So don't back off </B>completely<B>, and don't get discouraged at the lack of response. GO read gdc's post with dlm's story again. <P>Stay on here this weekend if it will help you. I won't be around much - but off and on - and so will some of the others. Enjoy your new TV. Are there some projects you can do at home? Cleaning? Fixing? Organizing?<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I found out today from her sister that the other guy lives close to the town she's moving to. Not in the same town at least but close. And he has kids of his own. I want to think that will keep them from "sticking," but I don't know. Her sister thinks she not talking to anyone really and has been very quiet. Said my wife might not be talking to her because she knows her and I are talking. I don't know if I should also cease communications with her sister or not. She said today she didn't care what happened we're still family. Arggggg! I don't know what to do with that.<P>I just have to completely back off I guess. Give it 2-3 weeks. But I just feel really crappy right now!<P>My therapist is also out of town so I can't call him. And my family, for all their support, can only say "we're here for you." That helps some, but not as much anymore.<P>I need to develop patience but I just don't have any right now. I guess the house will have to be cleaned spotlessly this weekend.<BR>

Yes.. find some things to occupy your time and mind. <P>My family is not much help either, so I know how you feel. I don't know what to tell you about your SIL. I call my MIL twice a week and keep her posted. My H won't talk to her. Probably because his mom is furious with him and has chewed him out the two times they talked. I tried to tell her to calm down and listen to him so he will talk to someone. sheesh.... Perhaps the best thing about your SIL is not to talk bad or anything negative about your W. Just say Plan A things so she will know your heart is in the right place and you love your w. SHe might can help from her end. If not, your w will come around eventually and have to lean on someone - her family or you.<P>just thoughts....

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Faith1:<BR><B>Perhaps the best thing about your SIL is not to talk bad or anything negative about your W. Just say Plan A things so she will know your heart is in the right place and you love your w. SHe might can help from her end. If not, your w will come around eventually and have to lean on someone - her family or you.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks! Most of the time when I talk to my wife's sister its not about the problems we're having. I asked her(and others) just today to help decide on some classes I was thinking of taking. She voted painting, as she likes art.<P>If I do talk to her about the problems we're having, I am always truthful and try to let her know I love my wife. I never say anything bad. The closest I get is to say I feel hurt about the affair. She has been the only supporter from her family really.<P>She told me today that my wife has talked to her brother... to get the male perspective. I don't know if I should call him or not. I don't want her to think I'm "stalking" her but I am getting desparate. Like I told her sister, I'm not worried as much about our marriage right now. I'm worried that she's not talking or getting counseling. I'm worried for her health and safety. <P>I like her family, but they have to support her, so they don't talk that much to me. And they have to tell her I talked to them, so that's more smothering.<P>I guess I just have to trust that she'll be OK.<P>

mmmmm... I'm not sure that you should call her brother right now. Just ask yourself if you think it will help at all? Really think through it... <P>I have told (probably too many) people about my situation - just DESPARATE for someone to DO SOMETHING..... like SURELY someone can get through the FOG!! aaaahhhhhh!!!!! SOMEBODY!!!!!???? ANYBODY!!!!???? you know??? thanks for the vent!! <P>BUt I'm not sure the foggy brains will listen to ANYONE. Sometimes they do - so you have to evaluate your W, and the people around her, and really think if it will do any good. Who was the other poster today who said the BIL's met up with the OM and it didn't do any good. It sometimes pushes the affairees closer together "you and me against the world" kind of thing. the fogggg....<P>Anyway... I'm sure there may some other opinions advice out there???<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Faith1:<BR><B>mmmmm... I'm not sure that you should call her brother right now. Just ask yourself if you think it will help at all? Really think through it...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm not going to. It seems like she's not talking that much to her parents or to her sister. But now I have it on reasonably good authority she's talking to her brother. It might have just been a single conversation for all I know.<P>I'm just going to try to let it go. She did pick up the card so that is something to feel good about I guess.<P><BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sad_but_true:<BR><B>After my post yesterday I thought I might be able to enjoy the weekend. But its looking ify right now.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I AM MISERABLE!! I don't have any family to be close to this weekend, I don't have any friends really as my wife was the only one I needed and I can't concentrate on anything. I had hoped to make it through the weekend feeling great about Thursday's call, but I didn't even get close.<P>She picked up e-card and didn't reply. I guess I should be glad she picked it up, but I'm alone this weekend and its finally hitting me how much that sucks. My therapist is out of town, I've talked to my family too much probably and my puppies are tired. I have no one to talk to! I am so alone. I know now how my wife felt the last 2 years. This is horrible!<P>I start classes next week so that will make things a little better.<P>Just venting. Sorry!

I'm here too, but I was about to log off and try to enjoy my evening. I'm sorry you are lonely. me too. We have to find things to occupy our time. Find some silly stuff on TV, read old posts here, do searches on some of your favorite MB members and read some of their stories and struggles and advice, read all those books you said you had, write in a journal (fake letters to your W, etc)...<P>hey did you get your new TV?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Faith1:<BR><B>I'm here too, but I was about to log off and try to enjoy my evening. I'm sorry you are lonely. me too. We have to find things to occupy our time. Find some silly stuff on TV, read old posts here, do searches on some of your favorite MB members and read some of their stories and struggles and advice, read all those books you said you had, write in a journal (fake letters to your W, etc)...<P>hey did you get your new TV?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>I'm only able to cry right now. It hurts so bad. My heart is breaking!<P>I feel like I'm dying inside.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by sad_but_true (edited August 03, 2001).]

Do you have somewhere you can go to get a therapeutic massage and facial or something to really relax you?<P>You have to stop worrying so much and over analyzing to the point of confusion. Maybe if you went to a hotel for the weekend just to take a time out, not unless you have kids.<P>I apologize for not knowing more details about your situation, but it doesn't sound healthy the way your mind is continually going down the what-if thinking.<P>For once and for all just tell your mind to STOP IT! Do something to help yourself relax. Enjoy your own company. Start a journal or read a great book--something YOU enjoy. You can even start jogging. That helps me clear my mind, I guess because I start concentrating on how much PAIN my body is in! Have a good weekend, promise yourself no matter what that you will have a good weekend because you are going to do something nice for yourself!!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:<BR><B>Do you have somewhere you can go to get a therapeutic massage and facial or something to really relax you?<P>You have to stop worrying so much and over analyzing to the point of confusion. Maybe if you went to a hotel for the weekend just to take a time out, not unless you have kids.<P>I apologize for not knowing more details about your situation, but it doesn't sound healthy the way your mind is continually going down the what-if thinking.<P>For once and for all just tell your mind to STOP IT! Do something to help yourself relax. Enjoy your own company. Start a journal or read a great book--something YOU enjoy. You can even start jogging. That helps me clear my mind, I guess because I start concentrating on how much PAIN my body is in! Have a good weekend, promise yourself no matter what that you will have a good weekend because you are going to do something nice for yourself!!!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks!<P>I have puppies so I can't go to a hotel. I already take them on a long walk every morning so I'm getting exercise. <P>I'm actually a little better now. I hate living in Denver because I don't have any family or friends here, so I just sent my resume off to a few places in Omaha so I might be closer to family. I don't think I could bare living in this house much longer. Too many memories.<P>Thanks for the words. I am a little better now.<P>

That's great advice BIN. The opposite of what I was going to say <P>I was going to say. CRY CRY CRY.. SOmetimes (many times) I just DO IT. I just allow myself to slobber and blubber and yell and hit the bed and throw a pillow and scream and pound the floor. <P>Then in about 10 minutes, I have a headache and a puffy face , and I realize how stupid I feel, then I suck it up and do something fun or constructive. But I have to LET IT ALL OUT FIRST!!!!!<P>so there's my piece of advice. But BIN's is good too.

sbt... you still here? maybe you're following my advice... you'll be back in 10 minutes with a puffy face. . I worked so hard on the smilies - I just wanted to be sure you saw my message.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Faith1:<BR><B>sbt... you still here? maybe you're following my advice... you'll be back in 10 minutes with a puffy face. . I worked so hard on the smilies - I just wanted to be sure you saw my message. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'll be here a little while longer. You always make me feel better. I did cry, cry, cry, for about 10 minutes and then it just shut off and I couldn't cry anymore.<P>I talked to my mom tonight and told her that I'm still on a roller coaster but each time it goes up, it doesn't go as far down as the last time. So overall I'm on an upward trend. I just hate being alone all weekend.<P>I'm sure in 6 months no one would recognize me, its just the second weekend without my wife and I'm lonely.<P>Thanks again!<P><BR>