Hello again all...need a bit of support and advice on this situation...<BR>For all that are keeping up with the situation...<BR>H has been back a month now...unfortunately there is still continued contact with OW(well exOW)...<BR>This woman doesn't know when to just leave well enough alone...He was finally seeing her true nature and meaness...but she just turns around saying she didn't mean it...LOL....can't help laughing at this...she's doing it to everyone up there...2 faced person....<BR>She does have a new guy who bought her a ring...there's a lot of lies as to what the ring means...it was bought from the wedding section of the case....she's telling everyone different stories for what it is...friendship, promise, engagement....<BR>The lies keep coming from her...he knows she lies now...but still has feelings for her and won't switch jobs...actually we can't afford for him to switch jobs...I'm still laid off and can't find anything else right now....so he gets to watch her lie over and over again...I was having high hopes that he was finally understanding...in a way he is and in a way he isn't...<BR>Last night we had a talk....she came up to him after throwing herself all over the other guy and told him she still cared and if he and I divorce she'll still want him IF she's still single...OH GEEEEZ...such a load a crap...sent him right into a partial withdrawl with that one...he was actually making progress until she decided to do that...<BR>But...He WON'T divorce me...and I WON't divorce him....she is losing at this rate....She wants him to divorce me and he can't...well...he won't....And he now says He does love me....but he also still loves her although she is treating him like sh*t and he knows it...in fact he can't figure out why he still feels for her....part of the problem is that she was the one that ended it...that's why I think besides him still having to put up with all her lies....he is waking up gradually...most people can only put up with so much manipulation before they say heck with it...I think right now he's in Denial Land big time for falling for someone so mean and 2 faced....<BR>And to top it off...there is absolute honesty right now...she had told him to lie about talking to her....he is telling me whatever I ask right now....and a few lies came out he never explained about....<BR>I know I have to sit back and be patient...but it's driving me nuts...he expects everything to go back to what it was??...but knows that it can't???...He wants the trust back...but that is something he'll have to earn back...and he knows that too....in fact I guess he is being pretty patient...but he is at times almost threatening to leave as well....<BR>He wanted me to give him justification last night to go back to her and I wouldn't do that.....I'd say withdrawl is back in full swing as long as she keeps the nice face to him...and from what I'm seeing...she's changing that face constantly....How long till he can't stand it anymore???...and so MacGyver's world turns once more....<BR>But a few good things were said....He said "I still love you"..."I do love you"..."I can't (won't)divorce you"...He finally realizes that the kids aren't really going to forgive him if he screws this up yet again....which is sad but true....<BR>She is trying to push his buttons still and it looks like he is rebelling at what he sees...but still has those lovely wisps of fog hanging about yet....it came back in a bit....wondering what gale force wind is finally going to blow it completely away...<BR>At least now he speaks more like him instead of her puppet....<BR>At times I wonder if Plan B would be more effective...but the way it is right now...I don't know....that is what she wants to see happen...<BR>Even though she's already involved with someone else???...geeeeez....<BR>I know Plan A....it is working....and this is never going to end at this rate....<BR>At this point we can't afford counseling either...selling stuff to just get by right now....

Dear MacGyver,<P>I am glad your H is home with you and giving you reassurance. This is big. But with a pushy OW in the picture, it tends to set back some of the progress. Ask your H what is needed to break the spell?<P>Since you can't do counseling right now, have you checked out Topie's book on the surrendered wife? In it is a questionnaire. It has to do with controlling but also can give some pointers where we can be better for us and our families. Might be worth looking at. I am in the same boat. $$$ is tight, trying to get by without the counselor and barely making it. This board while not meant to take the place of a counselor is helping me until I can get to one. <P>Take Care,<BR>L. <BR>