I posted this in the other post, too...<P><BR>We left early Sat am and took boys to Phoenix, rested then drove north to Vegas...reminded me of the long road trips I took when I was in college in Michigan...took 8-10 hrs to drive home (I obviously didn't go home every weekend ).<P>We stayed at the Luxor the first night...it was nice...H was not all that thrilled with Vegas. He got up very early Sun a.m. Three guesses why...and the first two don't count. (FYI...OW was staying at the Mandalay Bay which is only a sidewalk ride away...)<P>When he finally returned I was all loving and hugging...we were petting and I could tell he wasn't into it...I said as much and he agreed. So I just quit and said...well, that's okay then...(in the past, I would have been all cranky about it). I tried to get him to talk (I wasn't all that sure at this point why he was morose), but he wouldn't...I said "You know you are my heart, my life..." I can't remember exactly what he said, but there were tears in his eyes...<P>We went out and toured the casinos and the strip...I won $250 at NY, NY! (Yeah, food $$$!) We did the M&M store and Coke store etc., then checked into the Stratosphere.<P>Monday and Tuesday more touristy stuff...Tuesday we spent looking at Vegas' new neighborhoods and checked into what relocation would be like...<P>I packed The Four Agreements and had multiple opportunities to just talk and listen to him...I could tell he was surprised at how I didn't react to things he said, but just listened...of course, whenever I do react, or 'have attitude' he still jumps on it right away... There were some poignant moments where he opened up about what was going on with him...he even talked about OW a little...<P>Bad stuff--he discovered I read his journal...Good stuff...he wasn't 'mad' just told me he wasn't ready to share yet and didn't like that I had read it without permission...more good stuff...I copped to reading it right away and didn't even try a 'white' lie...I told him I couldn't lie to him...then I talked about what I had read in The Mastery of Love, another book by don Miguel Ruiz...how I was coming more to understand why and how I try to 'control' him...again...he was surprised and it was received well.<P>Thursday we went dancing at Studio54 in the MGM Grand...WOW! lots of fun...and for you adults out there...we continued dancing all night long once we returned to our room. (Oh, and did I mention we had already 'danced' a couple of times that day???)<P>Stuff to ponder...he feels empty...said even sex didn't help ...yeah, that kinda hurt...but that's up to me...I want to give and it feels good to me...so I can't let it hurt...maybe when he's in a better place, he'll look back on this for what it was...me loving him...<P>He's having a tough time playing victim and judging himself and finding himself wanting...I can only hope/pray the books I have put into his path will help...and I have to be strong enough to give him the space within to do it in his own time...HARD...HARD...HARD...<P>We had a tiff the last night...I took a nap before we went dancing at 54 again and when I woke up he was gone...the icebucket was gone...and so was his phone....hmmm.<P>So I had an attitude when he came back and he expected it, but didn't like it...so we argued....I just said look...yeah, I had an attitude, but you expected it...WHEN AM I EVER GONNA BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT?...all week...I do stuff right and bamm...the instant I get off track you ding me for it...do I ever get to be human???<P>He backed off and later said he was just mad that I didn't cop to the attitude sooner...and I told him he needed to stop analyzing HOW I say things...that that's about ME not him...if I am not supposed to worry about WHAT HE DOES...then he can't worry about HOW I SAY THINGS....<P>He then left (w/phone) but explained he had some stuff to say to OW...stuff he had figured out this week. He hasn't talked to me about it...and I am staying far, far away from his journal...<P>Pray for us...Pray for me to have strength to give him his space and that more angels and miracles come to him...(more on the angel/miracle stuff in another post...I didn't want this to be tooooooo long ...)<P>Love and thanks to those of you who made it through this long post,<BR>Missed you all,<BR>Cali<P><P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>
