Now I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. I've been scared to death that he would want to take our kids around OW. The one thing he has been consistent about since first d-day in Nov was that he wouldn't have her anywhere near them. The last time we talked about it he said that he wouldn't do that to me. Our kids need counseling because of all this...unfortunately they know about OW. <P>H watched them today while I worked. First time since he left this last time. His grandparents and kids picked me up at work. First thing my kids tell me is that daddy took them to his friends house. Of course I asked a million questions. D told me about a big swimming pool, a trampoline, a dog that looked like H's. She said the lady that was there had blonde hair and a belly button ring and her name was X. All this describes OW and her home. I was so angry but had a chance to calm down some because we didn't come straight home. <P>Once we got back, I called H. He says that he didn't take them there, that he told me he wouldn't. I told him what D had said and he asked if I was putting words in her mouth. I know the friend they supposedly went to see. His W's name is somewhat similar to OW. I can't help but think that he took them to his home but told them that he was taking them to a friend's home so they wouldn't come back and tell me. There are too many similarities between where they supposedly went and OW and her home. I don't know what this friend's W or home looks like. <P>I apologized to H. Told him that if I was jumping to conclusions I was sorry but that I'm afraid he won't respect my wish that she be kept far from our kids. I then proceeded to tell him that OW had no respect for marriage, me, his children or hers. That, from some of the things he's told me about her, she's trying to erase me from his life and apparently our children too. I told him that she would never love him like I do. I also told him that I can clearly see where I messed up in our marriage, why he felt he had to run to someone else. I told him that, given a chance I would put him first this time. I told him that if we wanted to and were willing to work hard, we could get our marriage back to a strong place. I told him that I wanted him back, that I wanted our children to be happy again, for their nightmares and insecurities to end. D asked to talk to him. She said "Daddy, tell that other mommy to find her own daddy. You're ours and we want you back." I don't tell my children anything other than their daddy doesn't want to live with me, he wants that other mommy. I make sure I tell them that no matter what happens, he is still their daddy and that he loves them very much. I asked him why he didn't just stay away from the 3 of us completely to make her secure in his love for her. I also told him that he hadn't looked this happy in a while and that I regret not having been able to do that for him. I told him that we all love him, he said "I know." I told him that we all need him, he didn't say anything. <P>I apologized a few more times, told him that I hoped he was being honest with me about it. He told me he was and asked me to calm down as I was quite upset. <P>I messed up so bad! I let my anger, frustration, pain, lonliness, all of it, get the better of me. I told him that I don't want to push him away and that I realize that after saying all I did, I probably did just that. He listened to most of it, didn't comment much at all. He didn't really get angry either...just heard me out. Finally, I said "Ok, I'll let you go now." He said, "ok, I'll talk to you later."<P>This probably doesn't make any sense and I'm sorry for it. I'm such a mess right now, feeling too many negative things at once. Thanks for letting me get this out.<P>MS

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. We're here for you. I don't have any great advice but I know how bad you feel after lb'ing. Believe me, I've done it way too many times. Sit back, breath, and, I know it's hard,but don't be so hard on yourself. I hope someone else with more advise can chime in here but I wanted you to know that you aren't alone and I'm praying for you...

Hi Mad Season. EWO is right don't be so hard on yourself. It's so hard to stick to the plan sometimes. I know I constantly LB because of the OW in my WH's life. I hate this OW and I don't even know her. If I could cut my tongue out or bite it off I would be bettter off. I know how difficult this is for you and your children and I feel your pain. Right now I'm in that same situation. We're here for you. Vent vent vent away my friend. Take care.<BR>cybil

Don't beat yourself up over this. You said how you felt, and that is really it. From what I read, you didn't mess up. You just had a conversation and said how you feel.<P>My wife said it wasn't right to have our kids around anyone else for "at least a year after one of us meets someone", but soon I learned that she had the kids around OM right away. Of course OM was already in the picture, I just didn't know it.<P>Anyway, I think you did fine, and just need to keep Plan A going. This isn't a big mess up to me. Sorry I don't know your whole story...but how old are your kids?<P>You are doing OK, so don't beat yourself up.

I second Rick! Just pick yourself and get back on track.<P><B>I apologized a few more times, told him that I hoped he was being honest with me about it. He told me he was and asked me to calm down as I was quite upset. <P>I messed up so bad! I let my anger, frustration, pain, lonliness, all of it, get the better of me. I told him that I don't want to push him away and that I realize that after saying all I did, I probably did just that. </B><P>Your feelings are so normal, and it's VERY hard to keep them under control. I'm sure it meant a lot to him that you realized your outbursts and apologized for them. You'll get stronger and stonger. ok? Hang in there, and PLEAASE come vent anytime. hugggzzzz<BR>

Thank you all for your support. I'm so glad that I have this site to come to.<P>I have said and done a million things since d-day #1 that would be considered LB's. I'm learning I guess, but yes it is so hard. Especially when it comes to my children. I don't hate OW and except in anger, I've never put her down. I've even asked H not to put her down on several occasions when he came back. My reasoning...this is a woman he felt was important enough to hurt our family over. Why talk bad about her? With anything that I have ever said about her (like the respect thing in original post), he has NEVER defended her. His gradmother has called her every name in the book and not once has he defended her or even asked that she not be talked about in that way. He laughs. Every negative thing I first heard about her, I heard from H when she slept with his brother (long before the A). Mostly every neg. thing I've heard since has been right out of H's mouth. I don't get it. He talks bad about her, he doesn't defend her, I just don't get it. But in any case, I want her to stay away from my kids. She is not the kind of person I want my children associating with. They are 4 and 5 yrs old, still very impressionable. She doesn't respect her own children and I sure don't want her influencing mine.<P>Anyway, I've rambled enough. I do hope that it counted for something that I did apologize to him. Thanks again to all of you...I'll try harder to not LB. God, give me strength and patience!!<P>MS