Hi guys, I haven’t posted in a few days but something’s have happened and I need some out side insight please. I know this will be a long post, I need to dump a little as well but any opinions and takes will be greatly appreciated.<BR>Let me update you on what has happened, I have spent most of this week, almost every day, with my family in some way. On Thursday and Friday night I was helping W get things together for a yard sell. On both nights she had me over for dinner and made some excuse for me to take her car home, later she said it gave them an excuse to see me during the day. When she picked up her car on Friday she even left me a note in my car just to say HI. On Friday after dinner we took my D to get ice cream and I LBeb big time. W started telling me about some thing that had happened a week ago and I don’t know it just hit the right nerve that night. I started to tear up and she got angry and said she couldn’t believe that I was getting upset for no reason. Well I had my reasons and when I explain myself she began to tear up and apologized for not considering my feeling in the matter. Afterward we had a real good time playing around, basically she put ice cream in my face and it went from there. Later that night as we were getting things together for the next morning she said, “I’m going to make a phone call while you’re out side”. I knew whom she was calling, OM, I tried to not let it get to me but I LBed again. When I came back in she asked if I was going to stay the night because we had to be up early, I said NO that I felt uncomfortable and that I only live two blocks away. She said it was the phone call wasn’t it, I said in part it was, she got angry again but she said she was angry because she had done it again and not considered my feelings. I also later found two photo albums from when we were dating that I was going to take back to my place and she said she wanted them. I left them there and went home.<P>On Saturday morning as we had our yard sale my D was playing with me and she had a stuffed baby sheep. My D asks me “are you happy dad” (she’s been doing this a lot lately) I said yes then she asked her mom, she said the same. I asked her she said yes so I asked what about the baby sheep is she happy, she said “no her daddy left and hasn’t come home” you might as well have ripped my heart out then, this from my two year old daughter. My W wouldn’t even look at me, later she said, “you know someday when they are old enough to understand they are going to blame me because it’s all my fault”, what can you say to that, I said nothing. We were talking later about how I had started to work out and W wants to make me pasta dishes to put away for my meals, I said no need and she got mad again and said that even if she didn’t have the right to care about me that she still does and wants to and no one is going to take that away from her. I also when in the house alone saw a letter addressed to OM so I picked it up to take a look. I was sealed put I could see some of the letter through the envelope. All I made out was (romantic relationship but I feel you are my true soul mate; haven’t be able to spent much time with you; I love you and hopefully you are my fate) it was only a one page letter but it bothered me quite a bit. Later that afternoon every one laid down for a nap, long day, and I rocked my D. When she was asleep I put her in the bed with W, W rolled over and asked was I happy I said yes what about you, she grabs my hand and says Yes I really am. That night the W and I went to the movies and I guess OM paged her put she turn her pager off and never called him back. After we got the kids home and in bed she asked what I had planned for next weekend and if I could watch the kids Friday and Saturday, she wanted to go out of town and would be back on Sunday. I said sure and asked were she was going she said I didn’t want to know. I knew she’s planning to go away with OM, but I agreed to watch the kids anyway. This morning she called and asked if I wanted to come over and do some laundry and spend the day with them but tonight they had dinner plans, I asked where she said you don’t want to know, I said with OM, she said yes. Well I went over any way and we had a good day, when I was things together she said she’d call me later that they wouldn’t be long and I could get my laundry. When it was time for them to get ready I started to leave she gave me a hug and told me what a good time she had and I said to call me later if it wasn’t to late but I could get my laundry tomorrow. She said that she was going to call anyway and maybe I could come over and have a beer with her.<P>After I got home this afternoon I talked to my MIL about all this and she said that she had noticed similar things over the past few weeks. She seems to think that it’s almost over and that W and OM relationship is on the rocks. She sees the letter as my Ws way of holding on as long as she can but the writing is on the wall and W may even see it. MIL has noticed that W doesn’t seem too much care about what OM thinks anymore at least not like before; she would do anything to make him happy. She thinks the trip this weekend may push it even more, my W can’t be away from the kids for more than a day without even talking to them, much less two days. I know this has been a real issue with OM as of late. He’s a controlling person who wants her total attention when they are together, kids mess that up. I just wanted you guys to give me your opinions on all this. W has made a point of telling me she still needs me her best friend several time and she has let me know at the end of each day that she had a good time and gives me a hug. I’m not sure what to think; I’m plan Aing and trying to change the things I know I need to change in me. I would love to believe as my MIL does but I’m afraid that I will just set myself up for a big disappointment. Well I hope I didn’t make this to long for anyone to read. Thank all of you for your continued help and support, I pray for you all every day.<P>silwl<P><BR>

The part about your D and the baby sheep touched my heart. <P>Your post reminds me of something all of us in Plan A need to remember. WE must continue on our mission - fill EN's and avoid LB's. BECAUSE the OP doesn't KNOW about EN's and LB's. Eventually, the OP will start LB'ing all over the place!! I love thinking about that! It's only a matter of time for the A to die a natural death, especially if LB's from the OP are there.<P>Keep doing a good plan A. You're doing some great things. Watch your LB's. I know it's hard, but you'll get stronger with each session you are together.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Other than your dd and the sheep, what struck me the most was when your W said that later in life the kids will blame her for everything, b/c it's all her fault.<P>The next time you hear something along those lines from her, instead of keeping quiet, you should talk to her how you are also to blame for the environment of your marriage before the A.<P>It sounds to me as though she's blaming herself, and would possibly hold back from reconciliation based on feelings that you could not possibly forgive her for her actions. You have to let her know that you have already forgiven her (which has to be the case, or else you wouldn't want to save your marriage, right?).<P>Just keep on creating that new safe environment to return to. You're doing a great job. We're all here rooting for ya! <P>Karen<BR>

Sorry it took awhile for me to respond back, I just back from my walk(been walking every night). Thanks for your words of encouragement.<P>Faith,<BR>You are absolutly right, I didn't realize it myself until I read my own post. I hope he LBs his butt off this weekend, he's going out of town on the 13th for 10 day, so I'll have some time to plan A my butt off and if he LBs that will only work toward me.<P>Topie,<BR>Thanks, I never thought of that, I don't believe we have ever discussed that sense she last said she was going to try to work on things, that was five weeks ago. Next time I need to take advantage of that to reenforce what I've said before that I have forgiven her.<P>Foot note: She just called me on the cell and wants me to come over so I'm on my way. It's 8:45pm so they weren't gone long maybe 3 hours. I'll check back in later.<P>Thanks again everyone.