Reading FaithI's "Quit Expecting" post brought me to this question - where exactly is the line between expecting or hoping? Sometimes I get expect and hope turned around & to be honest can't quite remember what the difference is. <P>It hurts so much to give up hope and then I can't remember why I'm doing any of this and fall prey to all of the doubts and naysayers words.<P>As I digested the words of 'Quit Expecting' and ran through the expectations I carry around, trying to loosen their hold - I slid on through emotionally to feeling that there is no point to any of this.<P>How do you differentiate between the two? How do you give up expectations and hold on to the hope you need to carry through?

You just made me think of a thread we had going around a few weeks ago. Here it is. feel free to add to it if you want. It wouldn't hurt to bring it back to the top. TO me, this is the WHY, which provides the HOPE. <BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010136.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010136.html</A> <P>I'm not good with the dictionary stuff (STL???) as far as providing definitions... I think HOPE is having a goal, wish, desire, or dream. EXPECTATION is counting, depending on something to happen. We expect the sun to come up every morning, the light to come on when we flip the switch, pain if we smash our finger in the door, etc. BUt when we EXPECT behavior from a person, we will usually be disappointed. People in leadership roles (managers, coaches, parents) expect behavior from their employees, athletes, and children, who will strive to meet those expectations. But when they don't, there is disappointment.<P>We BS's HOPE for certain behavior and reactions from our spouses, but expecting will lead to disappointment, discouragement, and ultimately may cause is to give up.<P>My thoughts.... I would love to see other thoughts and perspectives?

Hope is the strength we need to convince ourselves to pursue a goal, and that the goal is reachable.<P>Expectations are different. Even when you are hopeless, you can still have expectations. And those expectations are sometimes selfish. Right now, my wife is in an addiction (EA & PA) and it is easy for me to <I>expect</I> love and affection from her because I NEED it.<P>Think about these questions...<P>Do I expect my wife to come out of her fog and start to really work on our relationship?<P>No.<P>Do I hope she does?<P>Yes.<P>Why do I not expect her to? Because of past experiences, I choose not to expect those results. When I do expect them, I get disappointed and make poor decisions. But if I don't expect them, yet hope for them, when they don't happen, then I can say that I was only hoping. <P>Keeping expectations in check is merely a way of protecting yourself from hurt and disappointment. Just because your expectations are low, doesn't mean you have given up hope.<P>I hope I haven't rambled too much. I tend to do that. haha

thanks for the direction.<P>I still have a hard time keeping that glimmer of expectation out of my hope - I guess maybe it needs some conscious work. Thats why I finally gave up on any lottery tickets - after a few lucky wins - I actually started expecting to win!<P>hhmm... thinking of that.. maybe I've just been too lucky with the H too & need to rethink all of it.<P>thanks..... I'll try and stick to hope.