Going through a range of emotions right now. Can't seem to focus and get everything into any type of organized thought.<BR>My wife and I had, what I would consider a good weekend. <BR>Spent each day together, including a late night Friday night. I didn't sleep over or anything, but just being around her and talking and sometimes laughing made things seem so much better. <BR>I guess the problem comes in knowing that she is still thinking about OM. She has admitted that to me and even called me the other night late, because she wanted to pick up the phone and call him. She continues to tell me that she doesn't love me, doesn't trust me, but can any of those things change while she is still sorting out her feelings for him? How long does that take? Does it take a conscious effort on her part to try with me even while those thoughts of him are there?<BR>I know what the books all say, about the rules to marital recovery...but wife even said to me, that following those rules takes a commitment from her, and she doesn't think she's ready for that. OUCH! We've come so far, I've come so far. Both of us hurting one another, but now we have so much potential. <BR>I will never stop loving her, never stop confessing it to her...and never believe that God's will is for us to be divorced, but it seems that is still her number one option.<BR>I just feel that as long as she is still contemplating him, I don't have a chance to meet her EN. Something I so want to do. <BR>Any advice?<BR>

From all I've seen on here, yes, it takes time, love, patience, and prayer. Yes, your W will have to make a conscience effort to try to fill your EN's, but she will have to make the decision to do that. She is feeling so many mixed emotions right now. She has the horrible feelings of a BS, plus the guilt of her A and the withdrawal from the OM. I've seen countless warnings on this forum to BS's to avoid any temptations to have an affair themselves because the tremendous amount of additional feelings to sort through. Your W, CAN sort through them, but it will take time and patience. If you push, or expect it too quick, it will hinder her healing. Fill her EN's gently. HER needs. Avoid LB's. Don't judge, cry, beg, preach, push, etc. You may need to back off just a tad in your confessing your love. Right now, one of her needs is a little time and space. Don't smother her. Gentleness. When you talk or send her notes, tell her why she is special, why you love her. Don't beg her, and don't try to convince her that divorce is wrong. Show her the best person that you can be. Be her friend.<P>Confused heart, if you are here, you will have to make the decision to choose your H over the OM. YOu have years invested in your marraige, and your H deserves the chance to make all of this right. No one can make the choice for you. Try to look for the good in your H. Be his friend. You don't feel like loving him as a wife loves her husband right now. Love him as a friend.<P>Keep praying, reading, and posting. God has begun a good work in both of you, and He will be faithful and finish it. <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 06, 2001).]

I can definately see your points Faith1. I know that as a man, I want things to be back on track and on the road. This is a true test of letting God do the work, and me getting my hands off the steering wheel. This goes against my very nature, but I love my wife so much, I am willing to do or go anywhere. Nothing is more important to me, so your advice is well taken. <P>I just want you to know that I am praying for you and your situation too.

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