Here is the response I got from my W regarding my letter:<P><H>,<P>I'm very sorry that I hurt you. I understand that you think you are losing everything. I'm not trying to take <daughter> away from you and I know that things will never be the same. However, I don't agree with you about divorce not being the best thing. The situation now is not healthy for any of us. <daughter> will be happy as long as we both are happy in our lives and not do anything unhealthy that will affect her. I really don't think there is any chance for us to work things out. Our situation is completely out if control and I don't think anything will help it. I'm sorry for my part in contributing to your unhappiness.<P><W><P>It doesn't sound good. No reference to OM, which isn't unexpected. Maybe it's time to let her go. Please give me a reason not to.<P>sad dad

Don't let go yet. But you have to start thinking about it. You have to start asking yourself the question "Do I really want this woman to stay with me if she doesn't want to?"<P>You want your wife to choose you, and to love you. If she can't, then trying to push it will only make it worse. Take a deep breath, man, start thinking about these other possibilities. Maybe God just doesn't intend for you to stay with her, and maybe he has someone else lined up for you that will make you happier than you've ever been.<P>Just don't give up hope yet.

I agree with GM. <P>I also think that is a clear message for you to not bring up divorce anymore. Plan A your buns off. DOn't bring up A, OM, divorce, her plans, anything. Remember, don't let the things she says and does affect your Plan A. She's in the fog and really doesn't think - and doesn't WANT to think that anything will help. Keep working on yourself. Give her a little time and space. No, don't give up, and don't file for divorce. But Yes, you sort of have to let go - let her think for herself. We're here for ya'. It's not over yet, ok?<P>Here's a story I like to read from time to time. YOu may have seen it already. To me, this is why we shouldn't give up. What if this guy had given up?<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011228.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011228.html</A> <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 06, 2001).]

sad dad,<P>I'm really sorry for you man and I agree with GM and Faith. Your W's words are hard but they will help you focus. Keep Plan Aing, it's as much about you changing for the better as it is about her seeing you as a good person. <P>I would start thinking about Plan B and what it means to you. If you go to Plan B she needs to remember you as the good person you showed her you were in your Plan A. Avoid any LBs - don't got there.<P>We're all here for you - whatever you need

Thanks for your support. There's not much I can do at this point. I will not bring up OM, A or divorce again. I did respond to her email. I said "I understand this is how you feel. I guess you've got to do what you think is best". That's all I said. <P>For now, I'll take care of myself and my daughter and keep showing her the best side of me there is. It's out of my hands. I'll give her some time and space and see if she follows through with her decision. If she does, I'll try to prepare myself for it as best I can.<P>sad dad

Do that with all your strength. That preparation will not only brace you for hurt, but help you make the right decisions at that moment by softening the blow. Keep a clear head and focus on your main objective, yours and your wife's happiness.

I agree with everyone's encouragement. You still love your wife very much and that is reason enough to hang on. It won't be long before you will need to change your name from sad dad to glad dad.<P>Just think of the opportunity you have to grow as a person and learn so much about yourself, you know, what you are made of. Crisis situations show us what we (& others) are made of. We sow in tears and reap in joy. We might not know how or when, but God always comes through in the end. He's waiting for you to take His hand so He can continually guide you in each step of your journey through this painful experience. SD, I hate to put it to you this way, but you're gonna make it with or without that woman!<P>Marriage has taught me that I belong to God with or without my spouse and I have to give my 100% to God before I can have anything valuable to give to another person. Our relationship with God is the most important thing. God helps us to be whole people so that we have something to offer another person. If our expectations for rewards are in God always, then nobody--NOBODY on this earth can ever disappoint us.<P>I know you will get through this and be stronger for it--stronger in faith. Your wife is going to do whatever she is going to do. If she comes home, GREAT! If she doesn't, you will be okay because you have to be. And who knows? Perhaps you will even go through a divorce, she'll regain her senses and you could get remarried? You just never know how God will work it out. The main thing is to just trust Him completely with every step of the way and put your expectations in Him. If we seek Him, we become acccountable to Him alone and He will reward us for our diligence.