Maybe is b/c I'm still fairly new (at least in days) on this post, but I haven't read anywhere about the issues of character. How is this different in the WS vs. the BS after you read below??<P>If there were two men or women that had thought about an affair and the first man/woman said that they were not having an A because they would worry that somebody would find out or that the kids would be affected or the consequences are just not worth the risk. So they did not have an A.<P>Then the second man/woman said that they are not having an A because it's not the right thing to do, it is wrong. And for no other reason other than that they choose not to have an A.<P>So my defintion of character is the difference between the two point above. <P>So what should we say about the WS's character?<P>A little prayer to remember..<P>God, give me the Wisdom to know what is right<BR>give me the Courage to do what is right<BR>NO MATTER WHAT!<P>Why can't we all live by this simple prayer?

I think there are WS out there who have character, they were human and strayed. Those WS w/character feel remorse and shame and have empathy for their spouse. They beat themselves up over the pain they caused.<P>Then there are the WS that are like my H, no remorse, no shame or guilt. I love my H but I'm sad to think he is void of character. <P>I pray he will one day feel more empathy for those he has hurt and will hurt.<P>My .02 cents worth<P>Jo

character? <P>hmm...<P>character is something that the environment we provide has substantial impact on. "who do you wish to be counted among?"<P>so back up before the A, what was the environment that had such a profound impact on the WS current level of character?<P>what is it that makes having the A ok at that moment? do you really think that the person who has the A believes that what they are doing is wrong? <P>I would say that both of the situations you describe show character, in the first instance the person makes a conscience decision to not have an afffair out of comassion, committment and duty, all very admirable qualities. and in the second out of some learned behavior that has been ingrained in them strongly over time. the strength of the first person might actually be stonger and more reliable the that of the second as they made a thought out decision as opposed to a reactionary one.<P>who has character in a marriage where one of the spouses so neglects the other that it becomes a question whether they would even care if you had an affair?<P>

CB, I like your points! It is nice to get another view. Hopefully others will join in!

Character 1: is a potential A candidate. Fears men. Worries about what others think. So if others (associations) ok an A, then they may go for it. Crowd pleaser. Doesn't stand up for their own under pressure. Gives in easier. May not always know why they do things, just doesn't want to hurt anyone. Ultimately hurts themselves and others. Does not pay attention to warnings along the way. Tends to be too trusting of unknown characters. Can loose their scruples. Can run on blind trust. Sometimes gullible. <P>Character 2: is also a potential A candidate but stands a stronger chance of not having an A because of a working moral conscience. Fears relationship with God.<BR>This kind will go against the crowd if they feel they are correct in their actions. Is not a crowd pleaser. Has more ownership of their actions. Does not give in as easily. Is a bit skeptical. Tends to want proof before taking action. Loves what is right, hates what is bad. Can be stubborn. Will challenge reasoning if not presented logically. <P>Based on the above, the character is defined as what makes up the person's way of speech, thoughts and actions. <P>JMHO,<BR>L.<P>

Orchid, <BR>Fearing the Lord should be our only fear, do you agree?<P>Proverbs 3:7 Don't be impressed with you own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn your back on evil.<P>Psalms 25:14 Friendship with the Lord is reserved for those who fear him. With them he shares the secrets of his covenant.<P>I used to think I feared the Lord, but now I realize I feared the world. We can't fear the world because the Lord has control over it.<P>GC<P>

your story made me think of something I heard recently. People are either internally motivated or externally motivated.<P>In your scenarios, the first one is externally motivated. They make their choices based on consequences and opinions of others. People like this study in school to make good grades, get approval from parents, and avoid failing.<P>The second scenario is a person who is internally motivated. They make their choices on what is right or wrong. It's their decision. People like this study in school to learn, and to be the best they can be.<P>GOod topic, GC!

When fear knocks at the door, if faith answers, noone will be there. <P>(faith, as in faith, not ME, FAITH1 tee-hee )<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 06, 2001).]

Well, to me, CHARACTER is about keeping our word and keeping our promises. If our word is no good, then what good are we? I have heard it said that we (Christians) should keep our word or else die trying to.<P>Character is also based on integrity--integrity before God and integrity of one's word.<P>When the marriage vows are exchanged, we are making a promise. It is up to each individual to uphold their promises when faced with daily choices and temptations to take that second glance...<P>A WS must live a lie in order to orchestrate an A regardless of how short-lived. A person who lies is not a person of character. It's impossible. It IS possible to show remorse and rebuild after the deed is done. There are great examples out here on MB.<P>A person who decides not to actually have an A simply because it's wrong, yet lusts at every person of the opposite sex who looks good to them is just as guilty of committing the act, IMO--and Jesus' too!<P>So bottom line, character is a matter of the heart. Character is about being accountable to God for our motives. Inward thoughts lead to outward acts...

Character is the courage to do the right thing when no one is looking.<P>Character is admitting you're wrong and changing your actions.<P>And, isn't it wonderful that through the grace of God, if we find ourselves in sin that we can confess and change our course of action and know that God has forgiven us?<P>Character is finally following God's word...no matter how many 'wrong' turns we take...<P>Cali<P><P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

xxx

<small>[ June 02, 2004, 11:11 PM: Message edited by: skye ]</small>