New problem--H came in drunk tonight and very playful. Everything was okay until he started "playing around" saying he left a blonde to come home to me. I told him it hurt my feelings for him to say that even if he was playing. I didn't think it was funny. We got over that and then he decided he wanted me to call another girl so we could have a threesome. He's been mentioning this for a while and I've considered it. I don't think this is a good time for something like that though. No, I know this isn't a good time for it. I told him I didn't know anyone and I also told him I didn't think this was a very good time for that (after he persisted for a while about it). He just said I knew you wouldn't do it like I had really disappointed him. He said, "I tried, remember that." I'm upset and I know I'm probably not hiding it very well. How the hell could he ask something like that right now since <BR>The original thread is posted under Lostva-please reply. The whole story is there also.<P>I've told him before I would but our relationship would have to be stronger before I did it. Thank goodness, he's passed out now. What should I do about this situation?? I'm willing to do it, but not at this stage of our relationship. I know it wouldn't help my feelings and it makes me mad for him to make me feel less worthy because I won't. I even tried asking him, "Am I not enough for you?" He said no that I was plenty, but he still wants to. I don't want to be pressured into it. How do I tell him yes, but not now without any added stress around here?

See my post under other thread!

I did JD. Sorry about the format on here. I tried copying and pasting and I see now that it messed up.

Anna,<P> My little sisters' name is Anna. <P> You are going through a great deal right now. Probably the most difficult time you will ever face. Try to stay strong and don't do what he asks of you now. <P> The only thing you would do is make things more difficult. You would likely hate yourself after the deed was done. You do not need that right now. <P> I am sorry for your situation. Sounds like your H may be an sex addict. <P> Good luck<P>

Is a sex addict someone who likes porno vidoes, looks at porno on the net, flirts with any girl on the net he can (which is alot since he is gorgeous and sings), wants to do what I consider wierd or sadistic sexual acts (anal, threesome)? If so, then that's what he is. What now? I've always been taught that's how guys were. They look at porno, they flirt, and it's every guy's dream to see two women together. I've always thought he was normal for a guy. LOL!! I know it's not funny, but I have to laugh or I will bawl (another LB for him) and my kids are still awake. They don't need any more upset than they've already had.

From the description I would say he fits the bill for an addict. <P> Sorry but his behavior is not normal for a guy. Maybe for someone who has just reached puberty, but not a normal guy his age. <P> Sorry again, but where ever you learned that this is how all(or even most)guys behave is simply wrong.<P> Your husband needs to seek professional help. And "YOU" need to protect yourself from the possible STDs he could give you. Last I heard there was no cure for AIDS. But a simple case herpes or even plain ole VD would be terrible.<P>

THought you might like to read this thread that's been going today.... you may have already... but since we're talking possible sex addict...<BR>see what you think.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011425.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011425.html</A> <BR>

We've been together for seven years and he was only with three girls before me. He has had two A's since we've been married. I don't know if you would call him a sex addict. Maybe he is, but I don't think he's the kind that sleeps with anyone and everything. I know it sounds like I'm protecting him and I am. I think his tastes just run a little wild. I'm sure that he would take it very well if I told him he's a sex addict and he needs professional help simply because he wants what most guys fantasize about. I'm not about to do it, but I think we may be taking this a little far. How can he be helped if he doesn't think he is??

Faith,<P>I went and read the post you mentioned. No, I don't honestly think he's a sex addict. He likes porn, but he's not running around screwing people for the fun of it. Like I said he's only been with three women before we met. I'm not completely for sure, but I don't think he is. When I read over the other post, it didn't sound like him except for the porn. He would never sleep with someone he didn't know. Both OW were people he had known for quite a while before anything happened between them. We have a wonderful sex life when we're not arguing with each other (which fits most people). My biggest question here is how do I tell him I don't want to have a three-way using Plan A and no LB's involved?

IMO, just stay in your Plan A for now, but don't agree to his suggestion. IMO, anything is ok between the 2 of you. I've heard that anything goes for sex in marriage, as long as it is just the 2 of you, and you BOTH agree. If you don't like something he does, (porn, etc.) you can express your dislike in a respectful, non-angry way (plan A), but don't dwell on it. Plan A is not being a doormat and letting your WS do whatever they want and you stand by and smile. As far as getting him help, he has to be ready for it, and you probably don't want to label him of something right now. plan A to work on yourself, and gain some commitment from him. Then he will be willing to work on some of your needs.

I think we're behind on the posts back and forth .<P>A Plan A response....<P>I would tell him like I said on your other thread... IF YOU AGREE.... or something like it. "Marriage should be one man and one woman, and I'm not comfortable inviting a third person in here. What else can we do to spice things up? I want to be everything to you - everything you need." <BR>

Thanks Faith. I got your message on other thread also. Finally, I couldn't get into the site all day.

Yes, it's been down all day.. I was going into GQII withdrawal.... <P>Seems to be working faster now. THey must have cleaned it up.

I think you are very stupid to consider a threesome. If you don't like your marriage to last then great! It is a common guys fantasy but I think totally wrong for a married person who is at all mature and responsible. Ever thought about consequences to your marriage. What if the other lady gets pregnant. What if you or your husband gets a disease. What if it just happens to feel better for your husband to have sex with this other lady then with you? What if he makes this a regular thing? What if he likes to have more sex with other women than with you? What if you had children? What kind of other woman would do this anyway? What does she get out of it? What do YOU get out of it??????

Roger,<P>You are repeating every thought that has went through my head. Thank you so much for your thoughts! The only reason I was even considering it at all was to make him happy. Also, to make him shut up. I'm so tired of hearing about it. Whenever I say I don't know or I'll think about it--he says you'll never do it like I'm a party pooper or less of a person. After you hear something like that for a year, you start thinking maybe just once so he'll quit talking about it. When it was first brought up, I flat out said NO. I heard all the whining and why not--at least think about it until I wanted to choke him. I think he knows he's bothering me and he does it on purpose to see if I'll start a fight. He almost got one started the other night, but I wouldn't let him. Yes, I got PO'd majorly, but I walked off and just avoided him until he passed out. Thank you for verifying what I've been feeling. I don't have to it to save my marriage or anything stupid like that. I know most of you think it's crazy to think that way, but according to a therapist I've seen I think that sex can fix things because of my past. I really don't want to go into right now, maybe later. I'm sure some of you can already figure parts of it out. Wasn't a perfect childhood at all.