This is my first posting on this list. I would like to say Hi to everyone. My situation is very different from most of the postings I have read in the past few weeks. They all have helped me sort out my feelings. My W had an A that lasted for about 2 months. D day for me was the first week in July. I am doing very well considering, and my W and I have both read much of the stuff at this site. I found this site after we had both decided to start over. Many of the things that are suggested at this site were done before we started reading, so it made us both feel that we have made good decisions throughout this mess. We will be married 12 years in Oct. We haven't had the need to go with Plan A, or B.<P>When I first found the site the only thing that we had not done was to have some sort of "No Contact" agreement. After reading about other couples doing this I realized that my W still had to go to work and see the OM. Knowing that our situation is very different I never thought about it. However, after thinking that something could be triggered again with this man, I thought I had to modify the current idea of "No Contact" because I didn't think my wife should quit the job that she enjoyed. Its a funny story that I thought I would share...<P>When the W came and told me of the A (yes, she came to me with more guilt than she had ever had) she had left the OM with the thought that she needed to clear her head and figure out what the heck she was doing. They parted with the idea that they could remain friends no matter what. She never expected me to give her a chance to figure out if we still loved each other enough to fix the mess she was in. She still feels very bad about things, and more so than the hurt inside me. Anyhow, we talked and I told her that this OM at the very least needs to know that we are tring to work things out. I told her that I couldn't go on knowing that they thought they could still remain friends. I never told her that she had to do anything about it, just that it was the way I felt. The next day she came home and told me that she had talked with OM and told him that things were well with us, and that she had made a terrible mistake. She also told OM that they couldn't be friends ever again. This made me feel a little better about things.<P>The funny part came about a week later when they had to work on the same line. It seems that he was a bit pissed at the outcome of the A, and acted like a real jerk to everyone on the line. Only one other person that she works with knows of the A because the W kept it very secret, and the person that does know, does because she is friends with both the OM and my W. Yesterday the W told me that he was still acting like an idiot. She was at the end of the line doing the packing when she discovered a quality problem. The parts were sent back up the line, and it ticked him off enough to tell the W that she was a "Picky *****". Well, come on guys... What happens when you call a woman a "*****"? This is all so funny to me because I have never called her that not even as a joke.<P>Her A started because of a stupid nite of drinking when she was out of town, with someone that was a friend. She had called me every day during the trip, and of coarse I was at home playing the part of a good H. Every nite she called there was a conflict goin on in our house that caused me to act like a jerk over the phone. I don't think my attitude over the phone should have caused this to happen, but people make mistakes, and drinking clouds our judgement.<P>My W has been the BS, OW, and WS all since we met. And I was the OM during her first M. I have also been the BS 2 times since we were married. After the 1st time I had a some revenge A's, and they made me feel better about things, but they were wrong. So she has been the BS in our marriage as well. We are both commited to making it last past the healing. Till the end.<P>I try not to bring stuff up anymore, and we worked this out with hardly any negative out burst. We never stopped loving one another. We have always had a great sex life since we started, and not even A's stopped that from happening. We both know that the grass is not greener on the other side. The W and I are both in agreement that sexual satifaction only comes typically when 2 people teach each other what gives them the sexual satisfaction. Normally this isn't achieved during 1 or 2 nite stands. My W even joked after I asked her why she did it again with the OM after she knew she screwed up the 1st time. She said the 2nd time she had to find out if it was really that bad the 1st time, or was she just drunk. From that comment I take it that it was just as bad. I am glad we can somewhat joke about things, it does make light of a bad situation.<P>We are a great looking wild couple, and everyone tells us together we are the life of the party. We lost that for a few years and led different lives. I am a musician that put music on hold until I raised my family. 2 years ago I got back into music and I think this had something to do with us developing different lives. But she let me get back into it because she new it was a void that needed to be filled in my life. The bad part is that she never came to gigs to support my music until the weekend before D day. That is when we realized that we were still very much in love, and something was very wrong. Wrong enough for her to come out of the clouds and tell me of her A.<P>The other bad thing is... Because I am in the music biz, and its full of woman groupies that may tempt me to have another revenge A. I will look to you people to help me get up over these thoughts, and give me the strength to say NO. It also makes it hard for me because there is always some young hard body chick that catches my eye. This is what caused the W to have an A, a young hard body idiot.<P>Just as a bit of quick info on us... the W's A's were 10 years apart, and the 1st time was my fault, for the most part (no, me cheating was not the reason). This time however, I will not take the blame like I did the last time because she just did a dumb thing for dumb reasons. Yes, sometimes I acted like a jerk, said things I didn't mean, and I had a jagged tongue, (so she said). But this is not a reason to have an A, just an excuse.<P>She has also said she would like to get involved with this forum, but I don't think she is reg yet. Maybe if she catches this posting she will start posting. I haven't had a chance to review what I have written so if there is miss spelling, I'm sorry. I'm also sorry if it has gotten long, but it helps to write things down.<P>Semper Fi,<P>T

Hi HurtAgain,<P>Welcome to Marriage Builders. I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.<P>Even though you are recovering and had no need for Plan A or B, I do recomend you practice <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>Policy of Joint Agreement</A>, avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Lovebusters</A> and the rest of the Harley material. There are also some good reading material found <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000556.html" TARGET=_blank>here</A>.<P>Your wife still works with the OM? I definately encourage her to get another job. It is really hard on the marriage and recovery. Please let your wife know she is welcome to post, too. <P>Sorry my response is so short, hopefully others will be able to respond before the site gets congested again.

Hi, first, be prepared, this site has had some problems of late, and this forum (General Questions) is usually the first to go down. If you can't get in here, Emotional Needs often works when this one doesn't.<P>Well, that's quite a story you have there. You aren't alone, by the way. There are a few who have marriages begun as affairs. In my case, I met my H (my second marriage) before my divorce was final (or his) and have been told that it was an affair for that reason. So, technically, my marriage began as an affair. We don't see it that way, exactly, but we do realize that we have an unusual situation. (For more reasons than that, but this thread is about you, not me! )<P>I will say that I think a Plan A attitude is great to have in every relationship in life. I TRY (sometimes it is so hard) to treat everyone with love and respect, to treat them as I would like to be treated)... you can't go wrong continuing that pattern.<P>It's great that you two are recovering... boy, talk about a situation that warrents extra special attention to it!<P>I don't know if you're actually asking a question or just introducing yourself and testing the waters, but I just wanted to say WELCOME.<P> <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino