Can anyone give me some insight as to what might happen next or what I should do?<P>Here is what happened<P>My WS just called home 12:30 AM, she gets off work at 5:30 PM. Caller ID told me she was calling from the hospital she works at but I'm pretty sure (positive) she hasn't been there since 5:30. Since I have a good Plan A in effect (about 2 months) I didn't even ask where she was, I just took the call. She was depressed, as she was Sunday night and a couple of nights last week when I was pretty sure she had been with OM.<P>I can tell she is upset on the phone and I ask her what's wrong? She starts crying and says " I cant talk to you, I cant stay with you any more" ( a little backround at this point might help if you have never seen my previous posts, Sept 30, 2000, she tells me she does not love me, has quit on our relationship, is leaving. in October her EA with co worker turns PA. D-Day was March 5, 2001. It is now August and she is still here, she sort of agreed to stay until she is financially able to leave, feels trapped here by finances, yet her lifestyle choices dont help move her toward what she wants.)<BR>She said she is going crazy because her being here is so open ended, she just coasts along then has these breakdowns<BR>where she feels like she is losing it. Said she has a hard time coming home after work because she feels she doesn't "belong here because of how she feels" She said she finds it hard to bring it up because we get along well at times (my plan A)and she knows that if she does, I will tie her wanting to leave to "other things"(aka Mr. Wonderful)which she says is false. She says she doesnt know what she will do about the money but she has to leave. For my part, I mostly listened. I only told her "this is your home, you are loved here, wanted here, and needed here, you should never feel unwelcome here with me and our daughter." I no longer try and get her to stay and work on things but we did come to an agreement a couple of months ago that we would stay together until our financial situation is better, go on a planned November trip to Disneyworld and make it possible for her to move on as soon as possible. As far as this and the OM goes I said. " I do have to admit that as far me "tieing" your leaving now to "other things" I have a hard time seeing how we have this agreement, but now you will go crazy if you dont leave soon". <P>OK, here is what I think is going on and I would appreciate any feedback. In SAA a trio of Sue, Jon, and Greg are mentioned. My WS affair is similar to this gang. Found my soulmate, deeply in love kind of thing. As Harley says,in so many words, running this secret life is hard work, especially for someone that considers themselves to be an honest person, and affairs and honesty cannot co exist.<P>Up until this episode I believed my W was the most honest person alive (like all of us)I think the combination of Plan A, and her contimueing to have to sneak around are pushing her to the breaking point. OM may or may not be pressuring her to leave (he also married but his wife threw him out on D Day, he is divorcing and in his own apartment)<P>She told me she was sleeping at work tonight not coming home , told me she was alone, which I actually believe is true but I'm sure she was with him tonight.<P>What do you think of my analysis? right or wrong? and how do I proceed? Continue Plan A? I kind of think she is staying on the script which is why I'm not freaking out right now (you wouldnt believe how far ive come, praise Jesus)<P>I'm convinced we cannot afford 2 households now and I know she knows that because we've agreed on that point numerous times. She may feel I'm using the money issue to trap her although she says differently<P>Wow this is long, in summary, how should I proceed?, what should I expect from her?<P>You have no idea how much I will appreciate any responses<P>Thanks!!!

havachance,<P>you are rite when you said that she is on the script, and i see it as a good thing that she cry in front of you. She is still open to communicate with you in some way.<BR>My W has really distant herself and wouldn't show any emotion in front of me (off the script).<P>It's also a good sign that she said you "get along well at times", she is taking notice. My W acknowledge my changes, but said that doesn't make her feel any differently {sign}.<P>Finally, I think your W's action speaks louder than her words. She has not moved out, because she doesn't want to. No matter what reason, be it financial, the kids, what ever... she is having her needs met, here, AT HOME. My W moved out rite after d-day and basically removing her connection from any of OUR belongings. She is saying to me "I DO NOT NEED YOU"<P>So all in all, I would continue to plan A my butt off, if I am still given this chance you have. I am starting to think being my W's doormat is is better than a doormat that nobody wants...

The deal is, now I think she is going to want to start discussing things like how we will share custody when we seperate and all those nasty separation issues. Things I know we will have serious disagreements about.<P>If Plan A is about not doing anything to upset her, how do I participate in crossing what I know will be a minefield?<P>Of course these are things I could not say to her because of Plan A but, WOW, how can she not see that it is her trying to manage this double, secret life that is driving her nuts, but it is her family home she feels uncomfortable in and wants to leave. She says OM has absolutely nothing to do about how she feels about us and if he vanished tomorrow she would feel the same about us.<P>Thick fog down here I guess. Based on what I read here it seems progress comes sometimes when it seems least likely. Who knows what today will bring.<P>Have a great day everyone.!!