SNL, to be honest, I do think I deserve love and respect. In return for the love and respect I give her. But I am not demanding it, I am trying to earn it. And what I need to know is whether or not I am doing just that. I am getting so much conflicting information from her, and I want to know where I stand, truly and honestly. I don't want to make any demands or cause any hurt.<P>About jealousy, you are mostly correct. A healthy dose of jealousy can do wonders for a relationship. It increases the self-esteem of the person who is getting the attention. But in this case, she is getting <I>too</I> much attention. I have always been an un-jealous husband and that is part of the reason why it was so easy for her to get involved in the affair. I, too, like when she gets jealous of attention I get from women (and that did happen this weekend, as well!) but I don't gloat in it like she does.<P>If she loves attention from other men so much, yet seems almost bored with the attention I give her, how do you think that makes me feel?

GM, Welcome back! Glad your weekend went pretty well. I'm going to stay on my Plan A soapbox. I was thinking of trying to talk to my H tonight about "things". I haven't brought up our issues in 2 weeks. A solid Plan A. I was thinking about holding hands and asking him about his relationship with OW (I have NO idea what's going on - if anything) and asking him if he's ready to go back to counseling to give us another chance. But I really don't think I should yet. And I don't know if you should do anything either. <P>I KNOW it's hard for you because your W is at home and giving you mixed signals. In some ways, your situation is better than mine (you get to see her, you are having sex, you can talk to her) , but in some ways, harder than mine (you have to witness her communication with OM, you have to see the lack of commitment in her eyes, you have to watch her enjoy attention from other men). But I still think you need more time in Plan A. I've been talking a lot about no expectations from the WS while we Plan A. I struggle with this HOURLY, so I know you do too. <P>Have you read lostva's advice to dumplin? Look on dumplin's long post on page 7 or 8, for lostva's reply. It's wonderful. I printed it out.<P>so, I really think you need to keep working on yourslef, and keep demonstrating your love and your changes. She needs more time and security that you are stable, and the kind of husband she wants and needs.<P>"Deserving" her love? Yes I agree. When we marry someone, that's what we promise, isn't it? TO love, honor, and cherish... Love is patient and kind, not jealous or boastful. It's not easily angered, rude, or self-seeking, and keeps no records of wrongs. It always hopes, perseveres, protects, and trusts. So yes, it's what we want our WS's to do, but we must do it ourselves - even if they don't. grrrrrrr..... its' hard. and it hurts. but it is the right thing to do.