We signed the separation agreement this afternoon. I am so low.<P>I had to leave and pretend to go to my car because I didn't want her or her smarmy lawyer to see that I was upset. I really hate all of this.<P>She seemed to be just fine, all smiles.<P>I can't stop thinking about what she said last night: that she thinks she's in love with OM, that she "thought" she was in love with me at one time, that she doesn't understand why she doesn't love me, the one who takes care of her and loves her so, and why she has feelings for this OM who she said isn't taking care of her. (Actually he is, I think she's just pretending he's not for some reason.)<P>I mean, this is so incredibly unfair. This woman has totally used me up. She feels she is perfectly justified in just throwing our marriage away... She thinks I'm young, I'll bounce back. How does she justify hurting me, her daughter, and herself by having this A with this creep? That she and I should have never been married in the first place? That she was never REALLY happy with me? She is in it so deep with him...<P>What am I doing? Now that the agreement is signed, maybe it's time to go to Plan B...<P>I can't think of anything else to write -- I'm too scattered... Any thoughts are REALLY welcome...<P>zen

Zen,<P>{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}<P>Yes this is unfair. Isn't your wife's OM still married? Maybe that is why she feels that he is not taking care of her?<P>I don't have any answers for you except that observation that your wife seems to go from one man to the next as a means to move through life and not need to be alone. I hope you do not take as a mean thing for me to say. It’s an observation. As long as she has both of you, she has everything she needs????<P>Are you going to plan B soon? I know that no one can tell another when the proper time is for going to plan B. But it does seem that your wife is hanging on to part of you. The part that is good and loving and caring. So maybe if you Plan B and she has to rely totally on OM she will start to miss you, start to realize what you have provided her.<P>Also, you need to protect yourself. This is ripping you apart. <P><BR>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Are you sure you want my thoughts???? You know what I'm going to say. <P>I'm so sorry you are down. I know it must hurt, and feel terrible. GO home and cry and punch some pillows. <P>Now, here's my thoughts. ready? <P>Really, you need to Plan A a little longer. Your W needs to remember the BEST ZEN - which is in Plan A mode - before you move to Plan B. You need to find some strength - read some here - read some of the success stories (go the the Notable Posts thread on Just Found out and read the Plan A threads, and the Success Stories threads. THere's a good post in there called "Plan A is Power!", and also "the Misapplication of Plan A".). If you need some time away from her - that's fine. DO some things for yourself (remember how energetic you felt in NY??). Give this separation a little time to settle in, see how it goes, work on yourself, find some things to have a little fun, and when you talk to her or see her, be pleasant, cheerful, and keep conversation light. Giving her space doesn't have to be Plan B, but will cause her to rely more on OM, and he will LB, AND will give you a little more energy to Plan A.<P>You can do this a little while longer. Come and vent to us. We don't mind. <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 08, 2001).]

zen,<P>I tend to agree w/ faith1, that you need to plan A a little longer so that she remembers the best zen the one that comes to her mind every time she thinks of you. I agree also that looking up some success stories does a lot inside a person to know that in the face of the worst possible upheaval in your life you can be strong and see the recovery of your marriage. I know that your W will try to lie to herself and "remember" the worst side of you, all really just to justify her actions. I'm sorry that I'm not real familiar with your story, but I know we can all use some encouraging words to help us through. <P>I'll be prayin<BR>knight

Thanks so much for all of your help... I was all ready to sit down and write out a "Going to Plan B" post based on what happened tonight... <P>But I've had a chance to reflect on it all, read some of those threads, and I'm going to do my best to Plan A just a bit longer... Only it seems as though I'm being Plan B'ed by her! She basically wants me to completely leave her alone, and she's even reversed her position on me spending time with step-daughter... She no longer wants me to come every day to releive babysitter and check homework... Hmmm isn't it funny how she suddenly changes all of this AFTER we get our separation agreement signed? Oh well, don't have the strength to write any more. Will post tomorrow.<P>Thanks again, good night,<P>zen