Well, it's been almost two weeks since I received my answer from God, but he's still working on my husband. Remember, God sent a message through a visiting preacher that he was going to fill the void in my life very soon. I believe with all my heart that he's going to restore my marriage, but I'm still sad. I gave in to the anti-depressants on Monday. I just couldn't stand the sadness any longer. I asked God to have them make me sick if I shouldn't be taking them - so far I'm okay. I'll be glad when they kick in. My H has been gone now for 4 months and 11 days, and counting.<BR>I so need prayer right now. I feel so unloved. My brother is visiting, and we talked after church yesterday and he was giving me suggestions on how to get my H to quit taking so long. He suggested I file for D, and that if there's anything there with my H, he will come running back. I told him I will not file for D - I don't believe in it and I don't want it. He understood. We spoke for a little longer, and then as he was leaving, and I was getting ready to drive off, he came back and said that he has a feeling my husband will be back sooner than I think. Ahhh, another witness, you think? I asked him if he just got a feeling, and he just smiled and said goodnight. Oh, how I hope it is very soon. <P>I spoke to my husband Saturday, and asked him if it was just the resentment keeping him away. He said, "No...Yes...I don't know." <P>I said, "Well, just think about this - if it's just the resentment, and deep inside you know we could make it work, don't you think that coming home to work on the marriage, and being able to enjoy the changs I've made, might make the resentment go away sooner." <P>He said, "I'll really think about that."<P>Then I said, "Please remember, it's not just me sitting in limbo here - your three sons are waiting, too." He said, "I'm well aware of that."<P>I just think he doesn't want to let go of his bad feelings. No matter how unfounded they may be, he is entitled to feel the way he does, and I do have to respect that, hence, the changes I have made.<P>I was at church Sunday, and I broke down at the alter - almost fainted I think. I sobbed and weeped so loudly and strongly - I guess I was really handing it over to God at that moment. I'm just sooo tired. I never sleep, and now my kids want to talk to my husband about coming home. I encouraged this.<P>Please pray for us, as I have grown tired, and don't know how to pray anymore - I just pray constantly for mercy. I don't know what else to say, but I "STAND THEREFORE".<P>God bless you all!<BR>TIG<P>

TiG:<P>God provides many avenues to us. One of them is MB and its principles. He can open doors, but we must choose to step through, in essence, what implementing the MB principles amounts to.<P>While those principles can stand apart from religion, the MB principles are to be found in the major religions. So implementing what you find here, does not go against religious (Christian or otherwise) precepts.<P>Get a good Plan A going, give your husband that caring and protective environment to be honest (the rules of honesty, care and protection working together). Read the material on this site, if you haven't already (click the Concepts link at the top of the page).<P>Prayers and thoughts with you,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL

TrustinginGod:<P>I said a prayer for. I know it's hard, but hang in there....put it in God's hands. <P>Someone recommended a book to me (see below). I thought if you haven't read it already...you might want to. Also read everything you can on the MB site..if you haven't. <P>Taken from Dr. Dobson's site:<P>"What happens when a husband or wife wants out of a marriage? Discover the best steps you can take to salvage your relationship."<BR> <BR>"Though I haven't emphasized the role of prayer in the preservation of a troubled family, I'm sure you know that it is the key to everything. The institution of marriage was God's design, and He has promised to answer those who ask for His healing touch. Still, it helps to understand your spouse as you seek to restore what God has "joined together". If you would like to read a more detailed presentation of these issues, you can request Love Must Be Tough from Focus on the Family." <P><A HREF="http://www.family.org/docstudy/newsletters/a0011702.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Dobsons Article & book "Love Must Be Tough"</A><P>May God Bless<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Hurtwife (edited August 09, 2001).]

Dear Hurtwife & STL:<P>Thanks for the words of encouragement. They are greatly appreciated at this time in my life. I have read all the concepts on this site, and have been Plan A-ing since about May 29 (really longer). His main EN's that I apparently weren't fulfilling were "attractive personal appearance" (I was overweight) and "sexual fulfillment" (due to my being overweight). Well, I've lost 76 pounds since I got pregnant last year. I say since I got pregnant because I only gained 3 lbs with my pregnancy, so I'm sure I lost about 25-30 lbs during the pregnancy. If those were the EN's that I was missing out on, I have already fixed the personal appearance thing, and I can't do anything about the SF because he won't be intimate with me unless he decides to come home. He says he doesn't want to hurt me any more than he has.<P>STL - I do believe God led me to this site, and these principles, but I don't know what else to do except stay thin, and keep showing the same love I always did. I have done all I can do, and now it is up to God. I do have some of the books - lots of reading to do, but how can I tell if there are other EN's that I lacked fulfilling if he won't work on the marriage until he decides it's what he wants. He won't take the quiz, so I really feel helpless here. <P>I'm just doing my best to look attractive for him. Believe me, that in itself has had a great effect on him. Two months ago he was all set for divorce. Now he just says he resents me because I could have done it while we were together. He's trying to "decide" if he wants to quit resenting me. Meanwhile, our children suffer and I suffer in limbo. He comes and goes to see the kids as he pleases, and I help him with whatever he asks - laundry, work stuff, whatever. It's really hard, but I keep holding on to God's word that he will restore my marriage, and since I feel I have done everything I can, I will STAND.<P>Thanks again, and God bless you all!<BR>TIG

Dear Hurtwife & STL:<P>Thanks for the words of encouragement. They are greatly appreciated at this time in my life. I have read all the concepts on this site, and have been Plan A-ing since about May 29 (really longer). His main EN's that I apparently weren't fulfilling were "attractive personal appearance" (I was overweight) and "sexual fulfillment" (due to my being overweight). Well, I've lost 76 pounds since I got pregnant last year. I say since I got pregnant because I only gained 3 lbs with my pregnancy, so I'm sure I lost about 25-30 lbs during the pregnancy. If those were the EN's that I was missing out on, I have already fixed the personal appearance thing, and I can't do anything about the SF because he won't be intimate with me unless he decides to come home. He says he doesn't want to hurt me any more than he has.<P>STL - I do believe God led me to this site, and these principles, but I don't know what else to do except stay thin, and keep showing the same love I always did. I have done all I can do, and now it is up to God. I do have some of the books - lots of reading to do, but how can I tell if there are other EN's that I lacked fulfilling if he won't work on the marriage until he decides it's what he wants. He won't take the quiz, so I really feel helpless here. <P>I'm just doing my best to look attractive for him. Believe me, that in itself has had a great effect on him. Two months ago he was all set for divorce. Now he just says he resents me because I could have done it while we were together. He's trying to "decide" if he wants to quit resenting me. Meanwhile, our children suffer and I suffer in limbo. He comes and goes to see the kids as he pleases, and I help him with whatever he asks - laundry, work stuff, whatever. It's really hard, but I keep holding on to God's word that he will restore my marriage, and since I feel I have done everything I can, I will STAND.<P>Thanks again, and God bless you all!<BR>TIG

Just wanted to remind you exactly how loved you are--you are worth the precious blood of Jesus. He bled and died for you--that's how loved you are and don't you ever forget that! You are bought with a price! He will never leave you nor forsake you. He knows how to love you like no other. Jesus goes where no man can ever go! He's our first love. He ever lives to make intercession for you at the Father's right hand. You are seated with him in heavenly places and no devil can ever touch you. Satan is under your feet.<P>Hang in there! My prayers are with you! Consider yourself hugged. Keep fixing yourself up--it's working! (Must be an emotional need of your Hs--attractive spouse!! COOL!)

Thanks BTDT for the reminder. I know God loves me and I find the only peace I ever have in knowing that. God has given me many signs to stand for my marriage, and I know my husband will be back in His time. It's just that LONELY thing, ya' know. <P>When he comes back, our marriage will be stronger and better than ever. I just want him to see that, too.<P>God bless you all!<BR>TIG

I'm glad you are taking depression meds. I started on Efforex in April. The first 2 weeks were awful (felt wired, nervous, anxious, spacey) and I wanted off but the dr. told me to hang in there and I have. I've noticed that I don't cry all the time & wallow in my depression and I can think much more clearly about things. It's given me the ability to think about my marriage and figure out what I want in my marriage. Granted, I still feel sad sometimes and I cry but I don't cry for days at a time now.<P>Hang in there-keep up the medication and get some counseling to help you through this. Things will get better at some time, but it's hard to see that now. My prayers are with you.<P>When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,<BR>When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,<BR>When the funds are low, and the debts are high,<BR>and you want to smile, but you have to sigh.<BR>When care is pressing you down a bit,<BR>Rest if you must, but don't you quit.<P>-unknown<P><BR>