I'm just in shock. I'm so hurt...the pain, it hurts so much it's so overwhelming. I thought the first time in court she may have been putting on. Well, OW definitely looked pregnant today. I just can't believe this. H did NOT want any children, he already has two from his first marriage. H was very adamant that he wanted NO more children. His are teenagers and he could barely handle them. <P>Now OW has gone for 30 years with NO children. What a way to put her hooks into H...just have a child. She is nothing but a Gutter Slut. She is vicious, nasty, vindictive, arrogant...the list goes on...and hasn't even got brain. This is disgusting, to say the least. I can't even imagine, this is beyond my comprehension. What a mother she would make. I've never even heard the kind of language that has come out of her trashy mouth. This is just TOO much.<BR>H has surely done it now. She even had the tightest outfit she could have gotten on...just to flaunt it, what kind of person could be this SICK. She had nothing to show but her big ignorant [censored]. What a lowlife. I can't fathom H with such a THING.<P>H wouldn't even look at me today. Now we have to go back to court again. H lied and said he had an attorney...duh...the attorney sued him for refusing to pay his bill. He said this attorney is representing him...sure...I don't think so. Now he had papers and was putting them in to file for a do it yourself divorce. If he thinks it's going to be that easy, he better think again, if that is possible because he doesn't THINK (apparently he is incapable). H has lost his freaking mind, no doubt. And that evil OW Gutter Slut has him by the nose, claws sunk deep. <P>To top it off...he brought his children into court. What a lesson for them. How to go to court with your wife, pregnant OW and the kids. What an influence. How sick is this? I can't believe H has sunk this low. I know it is only going to get worse. This man has gone off the DEEP end to self-destruct. Wonder how she will support this child...when he is in jail? Oh, she can always go on welfare, if she isn't already. Some people need to GROW UP. <P>I can't believe this man that told me he had never been so HAPPY....with me..that it was fate that put us together...it was meant to be....love at first site...he had never been so HAPPY in his life...he knew he would be with me the first time he saw me...had to reach over and hold my hand when we watched TV, always wanted me to be with him in the same room saying aren't you going to come and be with me, said we had something very special...etc., etc., etc., now he is gone, living with OW...and she's having his child. H had better get a DNA test...she was seen taking another man to HIS apartment...about the time she would have gotten pregnant. Gee this wasn't the only man she was with. <P>What mixed emotions I feel. I can't forget the love we once shared. I just want it to go away...I don't want to feel the hurt and pain anymore. If the love I feel would just leave me...I could stop suffering. Will this torture ever stop? The pain is so unbearable, the tears are running like a river. <P>I'm sorry...I had to vent....God help me.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Hurtwife (edited August 10, 2001).]

Oh hurtwife, I am so sorry for your pain.<P>You know, your H isn't in his right mind right now. He just isn't. He meant those words when he said them to you -- hold on to that.<P>Vent here about the OW... that's good. It's safe here.<P>And, visit the MB forum <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Pregnancy/Child&number=35&DaysPrune=60&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Pregnancy by OP/Child</A>... there are others in your shoes. They can help you!!!<P>(((((hurtwife)))))<P>

Dear Hw,<P><<<hugs for you>>>> I am sorry you had this awful news slapped in your face. I do know how it feels to find out that an OW may be pregnant. Or she could just be bloated..... <P>But if she is, then dealing with it will have to be done. Children do not pick their parents. Do you have a right to be angry and hurt? Yes. Towards the child? No. Towards H and OW? Yes. <P>Now what to do with those pent up feelings? Doing more to them than they have already done to themselves will not bring you satisfaction. What will help you is not instant relief but careful planning of long term goals to better yourself. Right now though, I don't think you can do that. So for tonight and the next few days (while all this is settling), you will need to relieve the stress by crying, venting here, be with close friends & family and if you need to talk here let us know. <P>There was so much of anger, hurt and frustration in me when I found out and I was about 5 wks pregnant myself. After the grieving time (anger part), I started to focus on myself. It took a while but with what determination I could muster, I was able to learn to look at my personal needs and find ways they could be met. <P>Then dealing with H became easier. Not much more to say, you will need to let out your feelings. Go ahead, cry and scream. It is ok. <P>Take Care,<BR>L. <BR>

I'm so sorry for your situation. I have to tell you one thing though. Reading back through your post made me laugh. You've said every thought I've had. The OW isn't pregnant and H is still home, but just to read those words you posted made me feel like I'm not crazy or a loon for thinking that way. I know I should be more sympathetic and all that, but sometimes it feels so good to let it all out. I hope I didn't offend you by laughing-I hope you understand. It wasn't directed towards your feelings, just the way you describe H and OW.<P>You are a strong person and can make it through this. Hang on to that.<P>Anna

I'm really sorry--I don't know how much it would mean for you to hear that from me, but my heart hurts for you.<P>I can relate to the huge wave of emotion that you may be feeling. I understand the bittersweet pictures that you have in your head, thinking back over time that you had with your husband.<P>I remember when my husband asked me to marry him--the tenderness and look of absolute love he had in his eyes as he asked me and I accepted.<P>I remember when I told my husband we were expecting a baby--we went out that night. He bought me a new dress. It was kinda--flowery--and way too big but I wore it anyway. We walked around Waikiki hand in hand all evening, and once, waiting at the crosswalk, he gathered me up in his arms and kissed me on top of the head out of sheer happiness(he is way taller than me.)<P>Now he tells me he's hated me ever since he first laid eyes on me, that his girlfriend could take me out. I am a user and a loser. He works so hard to make me cry, and frankly, I am all cried out. I don't cry anymore. <P>So I know how it is--my prayers are with you.

Nyneve:<P>My H hasn't been in his right mind....if he has one. Is he out of his mind...or is this the person he really is? Am I in denial? I don't want to deal with this anymore. I'm tired of being cut to pieces, stepped on and stomped. <P>Thank you for your reply. <P>

Orchid:<P>It's not maybe pregnant...she really is. It was evident with the tight outfit, I'm sure she purposely wore. You see this OW enjoys herself if she thinks she is hurting me. She would fit right in on the Jerry Springer Show!<P>H will have to deal with it, her and the child. Wonder if it's even his? Although she is living with him, she does like to hop beds(or maybe I should say men). <P>Right now I can't do anything. No one else wants to hear it. That's why I come here. People here are the only ones that understand. <P><B>"if you need to talk here let us know."</B><P>I need to talk here. <P>I don't deal with H, other than in court, HIS no contact. Now I have to deal with my marriage being over and the coming divorce. It took me many years from my first disaster of a marriage...to marry again...I should have never gotten married to H. <P>Sorry to vent....but thank you for your support.<BR>

I'm here and very willing to listen. Believe me, I know this is a great place to vent. My post has 101 replies on it--alot are mine just venting and thinking out loud. I'm on here alot and I will read and read and read and then post and post. It gets slow in here sometimes and can be aggravating when you think no one is responding, but they will. Keeping you in my thoughts.<P>Anna

dumplin:<P>This OW is pregnant and H is at there "home", not ours. I'm glad for you that your H had more sense than mine. As far as crazy...sometimes I feel he's going to drive me there.<P>The descriptions of them are sad..but true. I won't get offended at your laughing, simply at the way I describe them. I wish I could laugh...but all I can do is cry.<BR>

Believe me, I cry too. Not nearly as much as I used to. I'm learning to worry about me and not worry about him as much. It's hard and I slip up plenty, but I take it out in here not with H. It helps me cope more than anything else. To see I'm feeling what everyone else is feeling. Yes, my H is still at home, but he's still talking with OW. He actually chose her over me and told her he's just living here until he can afford to move out. You can read more about it if you feel like it on my post. The OW in my situation is a college student and from when I've talked to her a pretty decent, confused kid. I can't bring myself to slam her since talking with her. I would feel so much better if she was a b**ch. I actually feel sorry for her; I wish I could hate her, but I can't. Sorry, didn't mean to write so much.<P>Anna

Bernzini:<P>It means a lot to know someone understands and has compassion...thank you so much. I certainly haven't seen much of that where I am. <P>Huge waves of emotions is right...I feel like I'm drowning <BR>in an ocean of waves.<P>I'm sorry to hear your husband subjects you to such hateful things he says. After mine left he said he loved me but was not in love with me (standard lines) Later on he said he didn't love me anymore. I wonder if he even knows what LOVE is? But, he never said he hated me...although he acts like it. Come to think of it, he only voiced what he felt...he didn't cut me down personally. Wow, at least that was a plus. My H's girlfriend threatened to take me out...beat me up, in her more descriptively vulgar language of course (the trench mouth, sewer lips). My H brought his girlfriend to my doorstep...she left a threatening note for me...because I didn't answer the door. Oops, that backfired with an Order of Protection...of course H told me I didn't have to do that to his poor girlfriend. <P>Sounds like your H is being verbally abusive just to hurt you and that's sad. His girfriend could take you out...you should have told him...go back to Junior High and grow up. That's so immature...my H is immature, but in different ways...he just acts it. <P>If your H hated you every since he first laid eyes on you...why did he marry you? Looks like he was the user and the loser. Used you and lost you. Like mine...it's his lose, because what he got he dug out of the bottom of the barrel...or maybe it was out of the ditch, under a rock?<BR> <BR>I sure can use the prayers....thank you <BR>May God Bless <P>

dumplin:<P>Sounds like he hasn't really chosen her over you yet if he is still with you. Where does OW live? College student...is this a younger OW?<P>I'll go read your posts.<BR>What server are you on?

dumplin:<P>Thanks for being here and willing to listen...and for the thoughts.<BR>

Naw--see, my personal problem is that sometimes, my husband says he hates me, sometimes, he says he loves me. It depends upon what mood he's in. That's almost worse than being totally rejected. I don't know whether I am coming or going. My husband keeps me holding on long enough to slam on me one more time.<P>I do understand how you feel, though. DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE LESS THAN YOU ARE. That will be OW's main objective--to make sure that you are kicked to the curb and stay there. My husband's girlfriend called me every name in the book and dared to get him to agree with her (she didn't even know me--what a dork.)<P>Your main objective now is to work on you--make yourself happy fulfilled. Find good things to fill your time, good friends to be with, and reward yourself for the things you do right. This is the time to work on you.

Bernzini:<P>What you said reminds me of something. My H had a habit of just spouting off at the mouth. Not that he always meant what he said. After he left I was talking to him on the phone, can't remember what exactly it was that he said. But, I told him he should engage brain before he opened his mouth...because no one could possibly distinguish what he meant or didn't mean. Now why is it they do this? <P>Just like when he left...he took things he wanted. He came back many times to get things. Anything he asked for or wanted I told him to take. I even offered somethings, he didn't want them. Somethings I asked him about and he said you can have it...do whatever you want with it...I don't care, it's yours. Now, over a year later...he wants things. So, he had better start watching what he says....or live with the outcome of his words. In other words...grow up. <P>This OW doesn't know me either...but ran her mouth right from the start. The nerve of her to tell me what I should do. She thinks lying is a way of life. H even told me he had caught her in a lot of lies...now how can you trust someone like that. H used to tell me he would trust me with his life...because I was always truthful with him and looked out for his welfare. I don't know how he can even stand her....but it's his problem now..and IT sure appears to be a BIG one. <P>OW even told me to get a job...imagine that. H & I had a business...if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have it. Of course she wanted me to get a job...my H is supporting her, since day one....she has never worked. She also said she had money....she doesn't have a pot to p*ss in. I guess lying just comes natural for her...she probably wouldn't know the truth if it smacked her in the face.<P>H will find out someday....you can't trust a liar.

Hw, <P>You and Berzini hit on a common thread.... H's go with Ow's that lie. These men don't like liars yet, they will defend, protect and support these liars to the hilt. <P>Why? I don't know. I was thinking about putting this question out there. Do Ws's pick OPs that are worse to make them feel better? To help reduce their guilt?<P>If that is true, is there hope when our mates display this type of mentality? Why do they do this and how can they be helped back to a sane state of mind? Where do these lying OWs come from? <P>L.

Hurtwife,<P>I'm afraid I do not have any words to ease the pain for you, but I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. I sometimes think I have alot to worry about, but for the OP to get pregnant - I just can not imagine the pain you are suffering.<P>She sounds the absolute pits this women, I only hope for his sanity as well as yours your H wakes up to this whole situation very quickly.<P>Keep talking on here, take care,<P>mands

Orchid:<P>H knows I can't stand a liar...really WHO can..can't trust a liar. It's a BIG matter of trust, I'd say. If you can't trust...what do you have. Oops..I guess I can answer that...you have a WS and an A. Oh, what a tangled web HE weaves...when HE practiced to deceive. <P>A thought just enter my mind, I told H many times, after he had left...that what you put out comes back to you. It looks like he's getting his back in droves, it just keeps coming. It's only going to get worse. Humm...is this what they call a born liar (their child), it was conceived out of top lying stock...after all it will have two lying parents to teach it. <P><B>Do Ws's pick OPs that are worse to make them feel better?</B> <P>This brings to mind something I told my H....I told him I knew he had a low self esteem....I just didn't know how low. I told him apparently it was a lot lower than I thought...if he had to dig up something like that (OW) to make himself feel better. This is something I wondered...since H dug up a lowlife OW ...because she is so low...does that make him feel superior?? Than again..wouldn't he have to wake up and look at it...sooner or later? Or is it that his low self esteem provoked him to find someone that he thought was on his level? Is his self esteem that low that he had to sink OW low...to make himself feel better? If he doesn't think much of himself (especially now) he may think this is all he deserves? Gee..the questions that run through the mind (what little mind I have left, with all of this!)<P>Reminds me of a discussion I had with a friend of mine. I told her I just couldn't understand the obsession H had for this Gutter Slut. H expressed he was worried to death...that she was messing around on him. Well, duh...get a clue OW was married, but living with another man...and playing her husband to get back with him...when she moved in with my H. Now that kind of speaks for itself. Good...this is another thing they both have to worry about...infidelity between them...another trust issue...and WE know that's NOT a good feeling. Is this the happiness they are looking for....because H wasn't happy. If this is happiness....who needs that kind of happiness. <P>Anyway, I asked her why she thought he was so obsessed with this OW....so possessive. H wasn't like that with me...he trusted me..had NO reason not to. She said because H trusted me...he knew I wouldn't mess around on him...so he didn't worry about it. But, with OW...he knew she did and that was driving him crazy...because he couldn't trust her, hence he became possessive. Now why would you want that? Than she went on to explain...because of the way I was...H was different with me. That men will be and act different with different women depending. She said because of the way I am...he had higher expectations with me...something he had to live up to an entirely different lifestyle. People that know H told me HE is leading a whole different lifestyle..than when he was with you...that H had become a completely different personality. Now that H is with this lowlife OW...anything goes. That is clear to see in that he has let his appearance and everything else go to H*LL. Now I question....why would H want to be at the bottom of the barrel...become a lowlife...is it because it's easier not to have any expectations to live up to? Wouldn't he want more...a better life? Guess not...since this is what he chose. Does this relieve some of the stress he would have put on himself to live up to expectations? Guess so. I wouldn't think it would be a good feeling to sink this low. Reminds me of a line in a song "I'm caught in a trap, I can't look back". <P><B>If that is true, is there hope when our mates display this type of mentality?</B><P>This saying came to mind...you are the company you keep. My H has become like this OW...he even uses some irritating disrespectful language she uses, that he didn't use before. H has taken on her ill mannered ways. It must rub off on them. <P><B>Why do they do this and how can they be helped back to a sane state of mind?</B><P>Why...who knows...it's a state of mind and the WS in this STATE has NO MIND. I don't think you can help them back to a sane state of mind....I think they have to find their own way. Another song line comes to mind "and I can't find my way home". Don't know the name of the song, or who did it, but that one keep popping into my head. They are lost souls. <P><B>Where do these lying OWs come from?</B><P>They come from H*LL...for they are evil. It's even one of the Ten Commandments...Neither shalt thou bear false witness against thy neighbour. Proverbs 12:22 The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful. Doesn't matter that they are breaking more than one commandment. <BR>Neither shalt thou commit adultery. (they aren't worried about this one)<BR>Neither shalt thou steal. (stealing our spouses)<BR>Neither shalt thou desire thy neighbour's wife, neither shalt thou covet thy neighbour's house, his field, or his manservant, or his maidservant, his ox, <B>or his [censored]</B>, or any thing that is thy neighbour's.<P>H sure coveted that "[censored]".<BR>Gee...I'm getting bad..guess you can tell the mood I'm in. Sorry, couldn't help myself.<P>OK...vent, vent, vent.<p>[This message has been edited by Hurtwife (edited August 11, 2001).]

mands:<P>I don't think there are any words that can ease my pain...but thanks for thinking about me. It's the thought that counts. The pain is unimaginable and the suffering <BR>unbelievable. It seems to bring back ALL the hurt, pain and suffering I have been through, throughout the past year..ALL at one time. It's like starting all over again...but with the intensity of being slammed with the insurmountable accumulation of it <B>ALL</B> at one time. Maybe there just are NO words to describe it.<P>She is the absolute pits...I can't even classify this OW as a "women". She is from the PITS of H*LL. H has been wallowing in the mud with her for over a year now. It appears he is STUCK in it....quick sand. There is NO sanity on his behalf...H has lost it. It doesn't look like H is going to wake up...much less very quickly...the quick sand is pulling him under. <P>Thanks...and take care.<BR>

Hurtwife:<P>This is driving me crazy...can't get it off my mind. It's just so hard to fathom he is doing all of this. He looks bad...why is he trying to kill himself...over OW. <P>Looks like he is just going to do it. How low can H go? He's losing everything...even his health. I think he feels trapped...can't get out of it. If he doesn't stop...he will self-destruct.