Hi, everyone. I posted this over on Plan A/Plan B site also, but the more answers I get the better I'll feel about making a decision. "Old-timers," I welcome your "sage" advice! Orchid, Lor, WAT, Faith, STL....<P>I have been "Plan A'ing" by mail since my H moved 150 miles away to live w/OW and changed cell # so I can't contact him at will. He IS receiving my letters, and seems genuinely happy to get them, but no reciprocation as of yet.<P>Here's the question: I had major surgery last summer (colon-resection for colon cancer - they got it all! Thank you, Lord). Now it is time for annual check-up, and I really DON'T want to go through this alone. It is a relatively minor procedure, but it conjures up all the STUFF from the surgery last year, and they COULD find something left over...<P>In my next Plan A letter, would it be a big LB (or just too soon) to ask H if he would come and go through this procedure here with me? I mean, I could tell him I don't want to go through this alone, etc. BUT he knows that isn't totally true.....my sister is here, and can go with me. My best friend lives in our town and could go with me.....<P>but if truth be told, I WANT *HIM* here!! He was with me through the whole surgery and recuperation, and I want him here during the check-up surgery.<P>I know some of you have daily contact w/your spouses....keep in mind that mine LEFT - totally left. NO WORD, NO contact, nothing since May 18. This is a major step to ask him to come over here and do this for me. I think it might open the door to new communication between us, but I also don't want to make him feel "pushed" or pressured. 'Course if this was a major LB for HEr, it might be worth it! <P>Lupo

Hi L,<P>You have raised an important issue. Your need here is requiring his assistance. IMHO, if you feel you need your H, this sounds like an important reason. <P>I am only an old newbie (been here since only Jan 2001). I hope you get input from others. When I had the D&C, H was there. It was important to me. Yes, I could have done it alone but the emotional support was a big need. <P>Take care,<P>L.<BR>

Hi, Orchid,<BR> He knows I am the "strong one" and that is one turn-off for him. BUT he was here for the first procedure, then discovery of C, then major resection surgery last summer and a week in hospital, then he bought me one of those big-ole triangular pillows to sleep on at home, so I wouldn't have to sleep completely lying flat....he's really VERY kind and compassionate (out of the fog). This is one reason I would like to ask him to come and do this with me....<P>Second reason is because it might open the door for us to talk, he may want to , but I doubt he knows how to approach first, since he did this REALLY DUMB thing (A).<P>Third reason is this could be a major LB for OW. <P>HOWEVER, between my surgery and now, he has had a couple of procedures (they found stomach ulcers, one was a "pre-cancerous type) they did scope down the throat. One time, he almost didn't even tell me about it, acted like I wouldn't care, said, 'You don't have to go to hospital with me if you don't want to..." He was feeling VERY neglected. <P>I wish I had more time to figure out how to do this. I mean, if I ask him to come, and he doesn't want to, there won't be time for him to write and tell me no, then I'd have to ask my sister to come at the last minute. Not fair to her.<P>If he wants to go, he'd have to contact me somehow and say he'll meet me. Where? Come to our house? Meet at the hospital (I'd have to drive myself there) then how to get my car home? Hospital is 30 miles away.<P>I mean, the logistics alone are maddening to me. And since I was the one who's always setting things up, organizing, TELLING him what to do and where to go, I think that's a LB for him, I don't want to say, "OK, if you want to do this, be here and do this at this time, etc." See?<P>I'm beginning to think I should just let it go, and let my sister do it. Just tell him when it's gonna be, and let him come be with US, or not as he sees fit by my letter. NO PRESSURE to "go with me."<P>I HATE THIS!!! I WANT HIM WITH ME FOR THIS!!!! <P>Lupo

Hi Lupo,<P>Then ask if you want, but b emotioanlly prepared if he says no. Can you handle that? I know it is hard and the timing is not right. How about prepping your sister? A back up plan is good. <P>You never know, he may want to be there for you. If you have both of them there, what will happen? Hope not WWIII.<P>L.

Hi, L!<P>Here's my opinion... see what you think.<P>In your letter... here's the basics, you can pretty it up a little. <P>It's time for my check-up for my... My procedure is time and date, at place. I'm real nervous, so I would feel more comfortable with someone here with me. My sister will go with me, but I'd rather have you there. It is completely up to you, and I understand if you can't make it. If you don't mind, please let me know if you can come by (date), so I can make arrangements with my sister. If you can come with me, I thought maybe you could come pick me up at the house, and drive me to the H, because I won't be able to drive home. Just let me know. Pray for me. I know they won't find anything! THanks!<P>what do you think? And then prepare yourself for a NO, or no answer at all.<P>hugs and prayers,<BR>Faith1<P>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 12, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 12, 2001).]