The one thing H said he wouldn't do, he has done. And won't even admit to it!! I CANNOT allow OW to be around my children. Talked to a lawyer and have been doing nothing but thinking about my options and what would be best for kids. <P>I gave lawyer a general overview of everything since D-day #1. He said options I have are 1)file for restraining order against H and/or OW. 2)file for legal separation/divorce and ask for sole custody and supervised visitations.<P>A restraining order against her doesn't ensure anything...H could still take kids and who would tell that she's not abiding by it? A restraining order against him would cut him out of their lives and he hardly comes around as it is. He's not a very good father but our kids still need him.<P>Filing for sole custody w/ supervised visitation could backfire on me. A judge could decide that being around OW isn't harmful to kids and allow him liberal visitation. It would be emotionally harmful to them! I don't feel like I can take that chance. <P>Another option I have is to do nothing legally. H doesn't come over much and has never pushed to be able to take kids anywhere. Still, I firmly believe that OW was behind this visit to their home. I believe she got upset because of the child support order. Before it, H didn't help me out at all financially. I don't know how much he helped her but I do know that he can't help much at all now because after child support, vehicle and ins payments, he isn't going to have much left each month. I'm afraid she might convince him to legally pursue his rights to our kids, just out of spite to me. <P>I don't know. Haven't heard/seen H at all this week. He has weekends off but has not been by to see kids nor has he tried calling to talk to them. In a sense, it's a relief to me but at the same time I can't understand how he wouldn't want to see his own children.<P>Is there such a thing as Plan A'ing while giving up hope? Would it even be Plan A then? I know the changes I need to make in myself and am working towards making those changes. I would continue to treat my H with love and respect and do my best to not LB. I just don't think that he'll ever come back. Even should he want to, I think he'd let his guilt stop him from attempting a reconciliation. I even considered printing out Trueheart's letter to WS and giving it to him. I don't think I could go to Plan B. He's keeping contact to a minimum anyway. I'm starting to give up hope, trying to convince myself that it's over and moving on (not dating) would make it easier to keep the pain away. I'm not going to stop loving my H anytime soon so reconciliation would still be possible. Is my thinking warped? Yep, I'm still confused and lost.<P>MS <P>

Dear Mad,<P>Wanted to let you know that I have read your post and feel your frustration. Are you afraid of it being worse than it already is? The reason why I ask is that my H moved out and didn't really spend time with our son, yet when I went to plan b, he immeidately used that excuse and accused me of trying to keep him away from his son. <P>Oh.... so I asked him to explain how he justified all his OW time vs time with his son prior to this plan b time. H could not. You see, it was his way (feeble attempt) at manipulation. By this time I learned a lot from here and I knew what I did not keep him from seeing his son. I also knew that OW was trying to put these thoughts into his head. So I would counter his accusations by asking for proof. When no proof could be given, then he had to eat those words. Bitter pill for H to swallow, enough times of that and OW was getting mad at me. Oh well, I could handle that one!!!!! <P>What I am trying to say is don't try to plan his reactions. He may not have a plan to outsmart or hurt you. You just make sure your stuff is properly documented so if and when he is dumb enough to manipulate you, you are able to recognize it and put into your action your plan to put him back in his place so that he does not strip you of your family's rights. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Orchid:<BR>[B]Dear Mad,<P>Wanted to let you know that I have read your post and feel your frustration. Are you afraid of it being worse than it already is? The reason why I ask is that my H moved out and didn't really spend time with our son, yet when I went to plan b, he immeidately used that excuse and accused me of trying to keep him away from his son. <P>Orchid, <BR>I'm not afraid of moving to Plan B even after so little time in Plan A. What I am afraid of is giving OW time to talk H into legally fighting for his rights as their parent. I'm afraid that he'll take our kids around OW yet not tell them who she is...having them believe that she is just his friend. Apparently this is what he told them this first time. I'm afraid that she'll gain rapport with them, gain their trust and then once they find out exactly who she is (which I don't see as preventable), that they'll be in a world of hurt yet again.<P>I did a sort of Plan B when H first left this last time. Thru his grandmother I let him know that I wanted no contact with him and that he was welcome to come see the kids any time he wanted at his grandmother's. He did then what he is doing now...coming at his convenience. There is no way that he can accuse me of trying to keep him from seeing them. Everyone in his family knows what's going on and some have seen first hand the person he has become. <P><BR>What I am trying to say is don't try to plan his reactions. He may not have a plan to outsmart or hurt you. You just make sure your stuff is properly documented so if and when he is dumb enough to manipulate you, you are able to recognize it and put into your action your plan to put him back in his place so that he does not strip you of your family's rights. <P> <P>I do have some things documented and will, from now on, be more meticulous in that documentation. His grandmother has said that if it comes to going to court, she will go in and testify to his actions and words. I guess I won't do anything right now and hope that he isn't so far gone in the fog that we'll end up in court. <P>Thanks for your advice Orchid. <P>MS