My husband just left to go sleep at his apartment before work. The weekend was awesome. We went out to a club last night, played a bunch of pool with his friend and crashed at a hotel. Today we just played video games all day and hung out together. Both he and I said (and his friend) said we had an awesome weekend.<P>I just got off the phone with him. We are planning an outing on Wednesday/Thursday (his day off). Without the kids if we can get a sitter, otherwise we're going to do an amusement park... Yeah...<P>Now, the sad part. I talked to him about how I was not happy with our current situation. At one point, months ago when he was moving out to figure things out, I was okay with it AS LONG AS OW was not in the picture. I could trust him then. I tell him, now I can't trust him and I don't know what to do about it. I'm not comfortable with him living somewhere else and us not being "committed" to each other. He thought this meant I was trying to force him to come home early. NOPE. I said I need help dealing with this, help me.<P>We talked about taking extraordinary precautions (not specifically, just in general) and how if he doesn't there is a VERY good chance OW will come back in my life in a couple of weeks when school starts back up and I'm NOT okay with this. He said he understood, but nothing else. No actions. Fine.<P>I told him how I'm not comfortable spending time and doing sex stuff with him when we are not committed to each other. He says, fine we won't do it then. That won't work, but I had to drop that.<P>He says he doesn't want me to wait for him. But, then I mention how in the past I've tried to protect myself while he is off doing his thing (plan B, no contact), and he just gets mad and says I'm manipulating him. He says it makes it difficult for him to see the kids (because of visitation and he can't just drop by when he wants). I said, it's NOT my intention, it just HAPPENS. It's one of the consequences of this decision. It's not my intention, but it's just the way it is, you can't have it both ways...<P>I told him I don't understand why he needs to stay in his apartment and not be committed. He says all this promising stuff, but I'm still waiting for that. He says he still feels uncomfortable in the house and he doesn't want to feel trapped again in 2 months and want to leave. I said I understand, but how will that be different 6 months from now? Whether you commit now or then, I don't see a miracle happening that will suddenly make you say "yes, I must move back now." I told him I am afraid he will get all happy in his new place, still get everything he needs here, and never want to move back. That's my fear, how do I deal, I ask him?<P>I understand what he is saying. I told him my fears and why I feel the way I do. He didn't really offer me anything tangible, but at least we didn't argue. <P>We ended on a good note and we're still going out on Wednesday. And he's still going to counseling (Thursday) and I have my appointment on Monday...<P>I tried to talk without being controlling, I think I did a good job. And at least this time he told me he felt like I was trying to force him to come home and I was able to tell him what I really meant: I am scared and not happy the way things are, how do I deal with it while you are figuring things out? <P>I still toy with getting a seperation... Sometimes I feel like I need it to set my boundaries. Otherwise, I will have none, he just keeps tearing them down. And I guess I want him to realize what it will REALLY be like without me. I guess sort of like a punishment... Hmmm.. That would be really wrong, I never thought of that until I just typed it. I guess it is a way of trying to control things again. Get a seperation and I am back in control, I'm free to do what I want and not worry about him... Sigh.<P>I hate waiting and not knowing. I hate worrying about what will happen when OW comes back. H says she has had no contact with him since their phone call Wednesday. That is good.<P>H says he just wants to run away with me... But we know we can't, so he says we just need to stay like this for a while...<P>I don't like the idea of him taking the kids to his apartment. It seems so FINAL. I am struggling with this as well, he keeps talking about doing it. It's like he's setting up shop to stay there for months while he "figures things out". It really irritates the hell out of me.<P>Do you think I just have to learn to accept the fact that he has moved out and not coming back anytime soon? So I just keep giving and giving, plan A style, hoping that his counseling will help him realize he wants to come home and re-commit to me? While he's out of the house he wants to "casually date" me exclusively while he is figuring things out. Would I be letting him "have his cake and eat it to" if I did this? I don't know.<P>My appointment with Jenn isn't for another week, so I would appreciate any input you have until then...<P>Thanks,<BR>HbH
