What an emotional 2 days. I went ahead and had the sheriff serve restraining orders to keep h away from the house and me. I really struggled with this action---I am afraid it will escalate our problems. Have not heard from h, altho he has been emailing the little ones continuously telling them how the sheriff said he was a bad person and he can no longer come to our house. He told them that he wanted to see them sooooo bad but because "someone" said he was bad...he could no longer come to the house and see them. He wrote them 6 messages. <P>Today, I took the kids swimming, then I went out to the base to go to the commisary. As I was going into the base, H bronco was leaving the base towards our house. He went to the pool where my kids were at. HMMMMM...<P>Well, don't know how to approach this now. My lawyer said not to talk to him, not to email him...nothing. If this was such a good thing to do, why am I feeling so bad?<P>I just got done reading all of our emails since he left April. He has wanted out since the beginning....he had not intentions of ever coming back. His emails have gotten progressively worse towards me however. It is so sad.<P>I still can't believe that someone can throw away 21 years of marriage and memories, and the family for a 28 year old bimbo. Why doesn't he feel sad like I do? I can't go to the commisary w/out thinking of him. Took the kids to the state fair and felt overwhelmed by sadness. Even going to the pool is sad. <P>He wasn't the greatest husband much of the time...but he had a lot of good qualities too. I am going to miss him...and I really don't know how I am going to do this. I feel so empty inside. I start back to school next week---and my job is so emotionally draining anyway...how am I going to do it. How am I going to take care of my 4 kids all by myself?<P>Also, he was going to buy me a much needed car this weekend...guess I won't be getting that now. We will never survive on just one car--not with our schedules. Also, financially--it is going to be hard. I just don't see any hope. Why did he have to do this to us? I really would like an answer.<BR>

I'm so sorry, mnm. big hugs coming your way..... (((((MnM))))<P>I sure don't have an answer, other than everything you've learned and read here. I know the facts and figures here sometimes still get covered up by the hurt and disappointment. Please don't try to make sense of all this. You won't be able to figure it all out, and you will drive yourself crazy trying. <P>You will make it through this. You are strong, smart, and have a good heart. Take things one step at a time. I'm sure you can't see all the way to the top of this mountain, but you can see the step you're on right now. Have faith and trust in yourself and in God that you can make it to the next step. That's all. Then, the next one.<P>Have you read the posts right below yours? by seekr and WilliamJ? They might put a little ray of sunshine in your storm. <P><P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

MnM--<P>As I am struggling w/ many of your questions, I am not sure I can answer them fully...<P>Through this website, the Harley's books, plus many others that I have read, my head knows the answers...my heart is slow to follow.<P>Your H is NOT doing this TO you or your kids. He is doing this to himself. This is the hardest for us to understand...why? How do you get to such a place that you push away your family...you push away those that love you and take care of you? But it is for us to remember that it is something missing IN them, not us...<P>About surviving...you will...what is the alternative? It will take some planning and some changing on your part, but you can do it...I know of military wives and I think they can do anything ...(I was an AirForce brat.)<P>We have to survive for our kids...my MIL was impressing this upon me this weekend...I am ready to give up...but what good would it be for our children to have two broken parents? So I will continue to grow strong and make my changes...my H is in trouble...I fear I will soon outgrow him...I feel I have been 'waiting' for him to grow up our whole marriage...<P>Well, more fool he, he has pushed me into not wanting to 'wait' any longer.<P>I'll confess I haven't kept up w/ your posts...I have been out of town and was in training this week, so I am not sure why you felt compelled to file a restraining order...<P>So now you are in a kind of plan b...make your changes...plan your life...become stronger and move forward...WHO ARE YOU? That is the question I am finding the answers to...who am I...beyond a teacher, a mother, a wife...Who is Cali? Who is MinM? Finding the answers to this question will be essential to our survival and growth...<P>Good luck on your journey to you...my prayers are with you...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Thank you JustPlainCali and Faith 1.....<P>I always think I have reached the bottom emotionally, and then I hit a new low. That's where I am tonight. <P>I got a restraining order because last week when H was here, he manipulated Kyle to let him into the house, he took our safety deposit box and cussed out my 15 year old. When I tried to get the deposit box out of his Bronco, he twisted me around and threw me into the Bronco--this in front of the neighbors and my kids watching from the window. He also brought his girlfriend back that weekend--and was going to again try to take the kids to see her. Anyway, it is just getting to unpredictable having him around the house--not to mention emotionally trying for all of us. <P>I went to church today(my daughter was an acolyte) and the sermon was on faith. I have always been a Christian---I have been praying so hard for answers....I just don't feel his presence yet. I don't feel confident that this is the direction I should go. Everyone thinks I am crazy. They can't imagine my even thinking of getting back with H. And he doesn't want to anyway. So... I wish I could just talk to him....but we haven't been able to talk in months. <P>I know I have read the books, talked to you all, and read tons of posts....do ws really just disassociated themselves from their spouses? Do they really not feel anything anymore? Is he so in love that he truely doesn't see the paing and hurt he is causing. Or was he really that unhappy with our life. That is really hard to accept. My neighbor came over tonight and said, Patty, he just doesn't love you anymore. He loves his kids, but he no longer loves you....I know she means well--but that hurt. I also have to say that she has been involved with a married man for over a year now. She has been divorced twice--with husbands who strayed while with her. <P>I don't know...if this is right...why don't I start to feel better? I am tired of feeling so down. I know many people who just get up and move on. Why am I having such a hard time doing that? I am seeing a counselor too, and I still don't know why!!! <P>You know I have always taken care of this family...I have always had to be the strong one--because my H wasn't here a lot. But, I never had to do it alone...does that make sense. For the last three years, Jim hasn't been here. The little amount he was here last year--he was a tremondous help. As I was saying to my Mother earlier today....he wasn't all bad. I will miss the good parts.

Hey mo- I feel for you. Sounds to me like youre doing the right thing. No matter what his rationalizations are he is still responsible for his behavior and should expect the consequences. You are doing right by protecting yourself and your kids before he gets any more out of control. Sounds to me like your H may either be in a split self affair or an exit affair- both of these are described in great detail in Emily Browns book Patterns of Infidelity- I have read about 20 books about affairs and hers is the most detailed in terms of what the cheaters psychological makeup is that causes them to do this. You might gain alot of insight by reading this. Not that it would bring him back but you would see what is in him that could make him 'snap' like he has. I too am in a long marriage ( 15 yrs 3 kids ) and never imagined my H would go so whacko on me! I thought he was in an exit affair( he announced on Valentines day after confessing that he was leaving me for OW , that our marriage was 'over in his head' )but after reading Ms Browns book I discovered he was truly in a split -self affair. We are attempting to reconcile now though he filed for D on me in April. At first when he moved out I was desperate and felt that I could never manage on my own if we divorced but as time went on I got stronger emotionally and began to wonder if I WANT him back.It's a process. Hugs! Take care- lifeismessy

Do not believe your neighbor when she says he doesn't love you anymore. Aside from the fact that you shouldn't believe anything that comes out of the mouth of a non-remorseful cheater, and the fact that you know your H far better than she, the most important thing is that Love does not die - it just gets buried.

Good morning everyone!<P>Going to try to start living again today. Have to get the kids school supplies, then will go up to KC to get school clothes and shoes. My 15 year old leaves for Dallas today for a week and my other daughter has soccer practice up there.<P>My life will go on.....once school starts, we will be back to our normal hectic schedule. Wish I had time to figure out who I am....but reality is about to hit with a vengance! Thank you all for all the support. It really helps so much.<P>Have a great day!!!