I am sure this topic has been addressed before. But I was hoping to get your opinions. Have any of you BSs apologized for what your spouse has gone through. Or have any of you WSs had your BS apologize for what they have put you through. I know that SAA says that apologies should be done, but do they really do them. My W is reading the book right now. Yet she has not apologized. In fact, as of last week OM was still calling her about once a week.<P>S&C

I apologized for my part in allowing our marriage to deteriorate to the point that an affair was possible.<BR>I was really sorry about that.<BR>

Yes, I have, SadandConfused. I am a BS.<P>In my last conversation with my XH, I told him I was sorry for not being a better wife and marriage partner. Told him I was sorry for ignoring his needs and taking his role as my H for granted.<P>My XH (WS) has apologized to me, but not for his betrayal. He apologized for not ever going to school and getting a real job. During the last 5 years of our marriage, I tried very hard to get him to change his career choice, he wouldn't hear of it. Finally, he did, but that was only because a Judge told him the next time H appeared in front of Judge regarding H's child support payment review that H better have himself a REAL job.<P>I believe my XH will never apologize to me. He feels no remorse for his infidelities. He is a very proud man. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 13, 2001).]

I have often apologized for my inability to meet his needs in the marriage prior to the A. I took for granted what I thought would always be there so I most definitely feel sorry. I ignored his sexual needs for a very long time because of my own emotional problems. He never complained but I should have known since I wasn't living up to my part of the marriage bargain.

I too am the BS, and I have apologized to my H for the marriage environment prior to his having affairs. <P>I have yet to hear him tell me he's sorry... the best I can get from him is that he NEVER wants to go through that 'crap' (meaning our separation and his A's) again. (me neither!)<P>Karen<BR>

I'm the BS. I apologized to my H verbally and in writing for my contribution to the environment that allowed an A to creep into our marriage. I apologized for not meeting his (specific) needs. <edit> But yes, I told him that I was not the CAUSE of the affair - that was HIS decision.<P>After 6 counseling sessions, and a big crying (LB, I know) discussion in the parking lot, H (WS) apologized for "hurting me". That's the only apology I've gotten in 14 weeks. He said a couple of times that he knew the A was wrong, but he didn't feel guilty. <p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited August 13, 2001).]

Yes, I apologized, both verbally and in writing for contributing to the environment that led my H to his affair.<P>I had to be very careful to edit out any "But you did xyz causing my unacceptable behavior".<P>I had to suck it up and take responsiblity for the things I had done to hurt him, regardless of his actions.<P>He has apologized to me several times for his affair.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

I am the BS, and have apologised on a number of occasions for not meeting the needs of my wife, and for not being there when she needed me. She normally tells me I have no need to apologise, and recently has acknowledge that she "hurt" me.<P>mands

YES, I said I was sorry for not meeting his needs, for letting that window open up that let the affair happen, We both did. I know that if I had been making him happy I would not BE HERE on this BOARD right now!!. <P> BUT on the same token, HE said he was sorry for what he had done, for not telling me how he was feeling, and for swinging that window WIDE open as opposed to SLAMMING IT SHUT.<P>Allie

yes my H (BS) has apologized for not meeting my needs, for not being the husband I needed, for a whole lot of things. I have also expressed my regret and remorse for causing him this pain.

No I haven't and don't need to. We were newly married and madly in love when my wife just fell to temptation because we were separated in different countries for two months.