On Aug. 10th my H "broke up" with OW and has been pouty & mopey around the house-barely talking to me. Never saying "I Love You", etc. I'm just trying to be myself and meet his EN's where possible without pushing too much. Things have been going a little bit better each day-nothing major just little signs that he's not mad at me as much.<P>Sat. afternoon our basement flooded-AGAIN. In June last year, our basement was ruined because of severe flooding. I consider that flood the day our lives changed-when the OW came into our lives. We spent all last summer rebuilding the basement and remodeling. We are in a strange situation-having roommates in the house and living in the basement. So, we stayed at friend's or slept on the living room floor. OW and her soon-to-be XH helped rebuild since she's knows how to do that stuff. My H resented me for not being able to help like she was and started spending time with her.<P>This latest flood I was at my parent's house-not realizing how bad it was raining. Once I did, ran home and the streets were flooded so bad I had to take the long way to get there. H was furious I wasn't there to help bail out the window well and the entire basement had 2 in. of water all over.<P>When I suggested we call friends to help, he says "There is NO one to call" which I take to mean OW. Anyway, made a few phone calls and had 6 people helping-including my dad. We moved all the furniture out of the basement & ripped out all the carpeting (that we just put in LAST Sept.) and had it all done in a matter of hours. He was outside putting in our third sub-pump to pump water away from the house.<P>I think he has gotten over his anger for me not being there-I apologized later. It was very difficult because I feel like he's blaming me for the flood when if I had been there, I don't think I could have done much to stop the water coming in. But, I think my taking charge and directing our friends/family in the basement helped him realize my value. I always felt/feel like he wishes I could be more like OW and resents it when I'm not. She is a gym addict and can lift more weight than I can. I am not very strong and struggle sometimes-which he has never understood when I have a hard time with something that is so easy for him.<P>So, now I'm just waiting for counselor's appt. and trying to get through the week. I cried for a few min. on Sat. (when there was time) because it seems like God is surely testing me. I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough to handle all of this. Is God trying to show me I am strong enough? Or is He just trying to torture me??

deepblue,<P>First off, I wanted to bump you back up since no one has responded to you yet. It is easy to get lost with so many posters around.<P>I can't really offer any advice, except to say that God is not punishing you. Now, i'm not a very religous person, but I do believe that God is not in the habit of being vindictive. It just so happens that a lot of bad stuff is happening to you right now, most of which is beyond your control (the flood).<P>You can get through this, and you do have the strengh. Just keep telling yourself over, and over that you can do it. Post often whenever you feel your strength slipping away.<P>Good luck and let us know what happens w/the counselor.<P>Kathy

We are such a sorry bunch sometimes...not only do we take the blame for our spouses affairs, but natural disasters too.<P>I'm sory that your H continues to push his guilt on you. I found this happening to me..when I refused to let him blame me, he blamed my parents, his job, our kids..pretty much evrything & everyone except for himself.<P>My H still has trouble understanding what HE did and how much HE hurt us..but he's learning. It takes alot of strength & patience on the BS. But if he were strong person he wouldn't be a WS ????<P>Next time there's rain in the forecast take a vacation to drier ground and let him deal with the basement.

Congratulations on successfully handling the ordeal!!<P>When my life was it's very worst, I knew a psychology instructor who told me that it was frequently a good idea to talk with friends and get them to tell me their troubles. Seems we can handle our own better than we can handle those of other people.<P>I've had occaisions when I felt like God was punishing me, also. But, for the most part, I feel like the things that happen are the results of decisions. Sometimes the consequences are good and sometimes they are bad - usually based on the decisions I (or some one else) made. <P>You can follow this. You don't pay your bills and you end up in financial trouble. You do pay your bills and eventually things get better financially. You don't drive carefully and you have a wreck. Sometimes, you can drive carefully and someone else doesn't and you still have the wreck.<P>I woke up one day and realized that God has given us the privilege of choice. Therefore we can make good choices and bad choices. But there are those consequences - both good and bad - and God lets us endure the consequences. I no longer see Him as a perpetual rescuer - though He has rescued me - but as a friend and guide.<P>And if you choose well - with Him in mind - you will have personal peace. Even when crummy things happen, you'll be able to put your head on your pillow, and close your eyes, and know that you tried your best.<P><BR>

Thank you all for your support. I try to realize that the flood it not my fault. I've been busting my butt to pitch in-but it's not good enough for him. Last night we got into a fight over my lack of helping enough. I said I would do the laundry and change the cat litter box after I returned from my vball game. He came to watch so we got home around 9pm and I started dinner. Now our stove acting up and the burners aren't working properly. Boiling water took a long time. I cooked the pasta and then found bugs in it. Tossed that pasta and started over. Mac & cheese took about 45 minutes to make! I washed all of the dishes and straightened up a little while he worked on his resume with a friend. I even fetched beer for them.<P>But none of this is good enough. I didn't get to the cat box or the laundry because I was tired and worn out after a full day of work, vball and dealing with dinner. I'm running home at lunch to take care of this stuff.<P>This is the same old argument we always have. He accuses me of not being clean enough however I pick up his dirty dishes & clothes all the time. Now, with all of our belongings from the basement in the living room he's even more anxious about cleaning. He is always quick to point out what I don't do-but when he doesn't do something it's perfectly fine.<P>I started crying because I don't think I'll ever be good enough for him. He came to watch me play vball last night-it was playoff's and we won! He stood on the sidelines scowling and offering no encouragement. He used to complain that I didn't cheer him on from the sidelines enough. I am a shy/quiet person so I don't like to scream all the time. I'll yell out when he does something good, but I've never been the type of person everyone can hear. So, it hurt last night that he scowled. He looked like someone held a gun to his head to make him watch. When he does say anything about my playing-it's usually criticsm "you weren't moving your feet," "you missed the ball," "you should have gotten that"... I've started realizing that he criticizes me a LOT and it's very hard for me because that's the marriage my parents have. My dad puts my mom down all the time. My H isn't to that point-it's much more subtle...for now.<P>I'm just having a bad day and want to cry some more. I wish I could live up to his expectations of me and I keep trying and trying. I want the arguing to stop. My H is not the person I married-he wasn't like this. He's not happy with his life so it's all my fault...