Thanks you to each of you who have provided support and encouragement in this trying time of my life. I have decided I can no longer try to save my marriage. My H continues to lie and show no respect for my feelings and I no longer have the strength or energy to fight for this alone.<BR>I wish each of you the very best of luck and hope things work out for all of you. May God's blessings fall upon you and give you what you need.<P>_TD~<P>You're coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face.<BR>Phil Collins, Against all odds

I am so, so sorry the hope is gone for you. I feel the same way (see my post about the energizer bunny). I don't like to see anyone lose hope, although I am so there with you right now. Are you sure? Are you positive? Only you can know. I pray every day for all of us here. I pray for the lies to stop. I pray for the pain to stop. I will say an extra prayer for you today...<P>Kari

Hi TinyDancer,<P>We all have our limits. Enough is enough. Everyone is always sorry to see these things happen but sometimes we have to draw the line and move on. I am wishing you the best of luck.

TinyDancer I'm sorry that you feel this way but only you can make that decision. My counselor says they we all have our limits. I do believe this to be true. Good luck to you. <BR>cybil

Hi TD. Wow, I've reached my limit at least 6 times since D-day, and each time my friends at MB have been able to pull me back. Give me just that little bit more hope that I need... My husband and I are in the beginning stages of recovery right now (not easy I must say). 3 months ago he hated my guts and disappeared w/o seeing the kids for a month. It can happen. <P>If you are there, you are there, but please, before you make ANY decisions, read this post from Oneday: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/002839.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/002839.html</A> <P>Particularly the section on what to do when you feel you can't go on (I've read this 5-6 times a day sometimes!)<P>Don't make any decisions while you are upset or angry (that was my fallout). If you are sure, you are sure. You have given up a good fight, no one will blame you. My prayers are with you...<P>HbH<P>

Dear TD,<P>You can take a break from us. Unfortunately life does not allow us to take a break. Please stay with us for a while more. You have been dealing with this problem for a while which probably seems like forever. <P>Will it get better? For you better will be what you make it. With or without your mate. Do this for you. When your H comes to his senses, he may want to catch up to you and learn from you. If he chooses not to, you will have learned to better yourself. <P>Listen, the d/d board has many supporters also. Some of us visit occassionaly. Please if you want to stop visiting this site, please step over to the d/d site. The people there are great. They helped me a lot. <P>Please take care. When I felt as you did, many were here to make sure I found my footing again. Look at what it did for me? Back to posting everyday!!!! LOL!<P>For me this is therapy. So you think I just want to help others? Well, yes but I am also being helped more than what I give out. So this is a sharing place and a place to help reduce the pain. <P>Before you throw in the towel. Make sure to wipe away the tears. Until then, stay here and visit with us. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Ask anyone here. I've grabbed the towel several times, ready to throw it in. All my friends say to leave her, that there is someone better for me, etc. But I am still at it. <P>Do you love your husband still? Or has the betrayal and constand LBers decimated your love? I know how that can go. But if you still love him, then if you throw in the towel now, you might have to live with regret for the rest of your life. What if you had tried just a little longer?<P>Maybe it is time for a new approach, but I am willing to bet that there is hope beyond the horizon, you just can't see it right now. Keep walking, and when it appears, you'll be glad you did.<P>(wow, I can't believe I, of all people, just said that!)

Thanks for the advice everyone. I have never felt so lost and confused in my entire life. My H is at home but he continues to deny the affair which I do have proof of. It was at the very least an EA if not a PA. He tells me I have to make a choice to just drop it and move on or file for divorce. To me that is a total disregard for my feelings and shows a lack of respect for me. It's not as if I am badgering him daily for details. I don't even ask any more but he believes that I should "be happy all the time". Not possible right now sorry. I plan A'ed til I was blue and tried to find a way for both of us to negotiate this and I even considered moving onto Plan B but H refuses to leave, in fact he refuses to cooperate about anything. I have suggested marriage counseling, he says "I don't need it" I said I was going alone, he said "have fun but don't tell me about it". I don't know what to do other than file for divorce and protect myself from more pain. He thinks that just pretending that none of this ever happened is the way to fix it. If I could do that I would, but I can't and I see no other way. I still love him but I can't fix a broken marriage alone.<P>~TD~<P>You're coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face.<BR>Phil Collins, Against all odds<P><BR>

TinyDancer,<BR>You are right, you can't fix anything by yourself. You can only fix yourself. I would like to ask if you have gone to counseling yourself? If you haven't, then go. Go just for yourself. There are issue that you can work on yourself.<BR>While a divorce will get you out of this situation, if you still love him, you really won't be able to move forward with your life. You will still be looking back over your shoulder to see what went wrong. With counseling you will be able to help youself. And if he just sees that it is working for you, he may change his mind and eventually go with you. If not, you haven't lost anything, but gained a lot of knowledge for yourself and helped yourself grow stronger and better equipped to deal with life.<P>My prayers are with you as you struggle thru this.<BR>Debbie<P>------------------<BR>"I find the great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it ---- but we must sail, not drift nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendall Holmes

TD....<P>I'm so sorry that your H behavior has led you to this point. Only you know how much you can take and what the right path is. But, I agree with the advice about getting counseling for yourself. However, I just want to add to make sure what kind of counselor you are dealing with. Ask what their views are about marriage and divorce. Be upfront with them about what your feelings are as to what your situation is.<P>I also agree with Godlyman when he said to take a new approach. Perhaps everyone here can help think of different options and approaches for you. Obviously what is happening right now isn't working. Your H is leaving it up to you to make the decision, but is only giving you 2 options. There must be others.<P>Good luck,<BR>K