<BR>HELLO! I AM NOT MARRIED YET BUT <BR>MY BOYFRIEND AND I ARE SERIOUSLY <BR>TALKING ABOUT MAKING THAT NEXT <BR>STEP. I HOWEVER THINK WE NEED <BR>CONSULING FIRST BECAUSE HE HAS <BR>CHEATED ON ME ONCE. WE ARE DOING <BR>EVERYTHING TO TRY AND WORK THIS <BR>OUT AND IT IS WORKING (SOMETIMES) <BR>BUT I CAN NOT HELP BUT WONDER IF <BR>HE IS OR WILL CHEAT AGAIN. HE <BR>HAS NOT GIVEN ME ANY REASON TO <BR>THINK THAT HE IS AGAIN BUT STILL <BR>...... IT IS ALWAYS IN THE BACK <BR>OF MY MIND. I GUESS WHEN DO YOU <BR>REALLY GET OVER THIS AND STOP <BR>BLAMING HIM FOR EVERYTHING THAT <BR>GOES BAD IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

After I found out that my husband cheated I started analyzing every little thing. I came to the conclusion that every thing he daid or did he must have cheated on me.<P>I don't know if you can ever get over it. I would seek some counseling before you get married especially if you have any doubts whatsoever about the relationship.<P>

Hi China,<P> I can't say if this really matters in your case but here goes. My H and I started dating in high school. At age 18, he cheated on me. He was very cool and distant at times and very loving at other times. We broke up.<BR>When we did get back together, he cheated on me again with the same girl 6 months later.We broke up again. This was a very painful time in my life with him just as it is now. Well, When we did get back together, all seemed perfectly well. I forgave him. I eventually chalked it up to us being so young.Any young man under 25 is not mature to handle a permanent, long term relationship.I rationalized the cheating. I came to fully trust him during the marriage. He gave me NO reason not to. He was totally devoted to me for years. <BR> Something changed about him about 5 years ago. He began outside interest in gambling, partying, and eventually women. He stopped wanting to be with the family or go to church. Well, my H left me 7 months ago for a woman in her 20s. I guess the signs were there in his character back in high school. I just did not see it.<BR> My point is that if he has cheated on you prior to the marriage, he will do it after the marriage. Relationships are supposed to be the greatest during courtship and you have already dealt with the issues of honesty and fidelity. Be forewarned!!!!!!!!!<BR> I am so sorry if this opinion saddens you; but, I would rather see you hurt a bit now than for you and future children to be hurt for a lifetime!! <BR> Just one opinion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>God bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>arielhope

Hi China - <P>Welcome to MB!!! I'm sorry that you feel a need to be here. I do think however that you are fortunate to be able to learn Dr Harley's techniques so you can have the knowledge you need to create a wonderful, lasting relationship.<P>Just have a couple of things to advise you on:<P>First - When you type - Don't use all capital letters because that is how people scream on the internet!!! So save the caps for emphasis of something, OK??<P>2nd - Exactly what are you both doing that you say you're "doing everything"?<P>3rd - Trust will have to be rebuilt along with the relationship. Do not fret or dwell on it - it is not something that we can force ourselves to do. He broke the trust that was there for him and through working with you on the relationship in the correct way, he can restore that trust. <P>You will never haver an absolute trust or "blind trust" like before, but you can achieve a mature, realistic trust once the rebuilding is close to fruition.<P>Have you read Dr Harley's material on this site? Has your fiance?<P>Learning the tools to having a good relationship is a definite must if you truly want a marriage to work.<P>There were reasons for what he did - he must face those reasons and together you must learn to prevent those kinds of reasons from occurring again. Through the concepts of Dr Harley you can both do that!!<P>So take the time to read and print out the Questionnaire's and Policy of Joint Agreement. Fill them out - share with each other, come to understand and put these concepts into practice.<P>Can you both do that? It is imperative that you both work together with this. <P>Hugs and I hope this helps,<P>Sheba