WH decided to move out yesterday. I'm still going to plan A it for a while. It was on good terms. Actually I'm glad because H is now putting forth some effort in our marriage, by doing this. You see OW lives in our neighborhood and frequently present, so this is a way for H to get away from her. <BR>Anyway I have questions...Would now be a good time to purchase SAA for H to read? Also, I have a printed copy of a letter to WS everywhere compliments of TRUEHEART, should I give it to H? I just assume H will have a lot of time on his hands. <BR>Another ? Can you give me some tips on admiration without it being too obvious? Should I tell H that it is okay to have feelings for the OW, but just don't act on them? <BR>You see,H is afraid that he will be tempted by these feelings. How can he overcome these feelings?

M&J<BR>It is never ok to have feelings for someone other than your spouse.<P>I dont know but...from "MY" experience...When my "H" was living at home and sleeping w/OW "HE" felt better telling me that he was going to be with her or spending the night/weekend w/her. A bit more than I could handle! But like you ... I felt..."Oh ...he's at least being honest with me." I finally realized that I was enabling him to carry on his "A" with less guilt...<P>It wasn't till "I"<BR> let the proverbial hammer down that "HE" took note.<P>I hope those here at MB give you some useful direction. I got it here and in reading MB and Dr.Phil stuff. <P>One friend who doesn't post here anylonger, told me "Do what works"<P>One more thing...Live your life. Last year 5days after D-day I found out that my life was at risk (medicaly). 2mos later I was longing to taste death...to end my own life. In October I had surgery, am on treatment and found myself regretting having spent so much time worrying about my lost past/future with my "H".<BR>As time went on...I started going back to the same patterns until a few weeks ago when my doctor found a new "tumor"...well... I stood up and took notice! Decided to stop living for "US" and just live for me! Turns out the new one is benign....although I take it as a nudge from God to get on with living "MY" life. (no..I don't really believe God gives tumors..as object lessons)<P>My point is...Well I'm sure you know what my point is.<P>Hugs to you...D2k <P> <A HREF="http://www.discovery2000_mb@hotmail.com" TARGET=_blank>www.discovery2000_mb@hotmail.com</A> if you need to e-mail

Looking for more answers....

Would now be a good time to purchase SAA for H to read? <P>not sure on that one.<P>Also, I have a printed copy of a letter to WS everywhere compliments of TRUEHEART, should I give it to H? <P>sure<P>I just assume H will have a lot of time on his hands. <BR>Another ? Can you give me some tips on admiration without it being too obvious? <P>Just everytime you talk to him, compliment him on his work, his thoughtfulness, etc. Tell him he's sexy. You love being with him.<P>Should I tell H that it is okay to have feelings for the OW, but just don't act on them? You see,H is afraid that he will be tempted by these feelings. How can he overcome these feelings? <P>Perhaps worded more like, "you understand" that he has feelings, but not to act on them. He could call you instead of her when he is tempted. You want to be everything to him.<P>just my 2 cents... <P>

I agree..it is not ok to have "feelings" for another person other than your spouse. <BR>We all look and appreciate "beautiful" people, but that doesn't mean we sleep with them.<P>Are you in therapy together?<P>Where did your H move to ?<P>Sorry, didn't mean to give you more ???

No we are not in therapy together. WH moved in with a friend, I know where he is at and how to get a hold of him. H is coming over tonight. I cried on the phone a little last night when he called. We've been together for 11 years,it just wouldn't seem right not to talk to each other or see each other on a regular basis.